i cant stop crying Aslan…why??? why did this have to happen???

a piece of this was saved elsewhere…i didnt realize there was more…oh God…it was true…oh God

oh God…how could you let me keep Lilly when you knew i was this awful and this damaged…when the only reasons you came back was exactly as Jenna and her friends said…

filthy and used…a piece of shit…there is absolutely no redeeming qualities about me that would make anyone want to stay. no goodness to me.

all this time and i had categorized our conversations as good and sweet…and you as the man who i could share anything and nothing with…all my greatest challenges, deepest fears, and endless dreams and aspirations…

but the last 8 things i have opened…that i dont remember exactly as they were evidently (or some i dont remember at all!!!)…paint an entirely different pic.

i must have known somewhere b/c i do recall apologizing for annoying you a whole lot in my head…even though you always dismissed it… but then i look at these conversations…this one…and the one where i looked in on your gf in Sept 2006…and the countless times where you apparently hung up or stopped talking to me b/c i started to do things sexually with you and then i got off on a tangent and ruined the moment and pissed you off (like was i trying to have a normal conversation in the middle of sex…pillow talk as if we had idk…who did i think i was? you got angry and lost interest?)

or your bday…when you did have a gf…but you wanted to come over and hold me down and fuck me? that’s not romantic. that’s not passionate. holding someone down…needing to hold someone down?actually the way you had described it in that text didnt even have anything to do with it being me. forced sex…holding someone down and fucking them against their will…rape…isnt romantic at all…its about power…the power to inflict your will…the power to humiliate and cause someone pain…the THRILL of hurting someone for pleasure. that’s what you wanted on your bday? but  worse than that was how you kept referring to Lilly as “fucking Lilly” in the text. i know, when we found out that Lilly was going to be a girl, you wanted me to terminate the pregnancy. i convinced myselt that that was because you were concerned about my  health because i was so sick. i didnt realize that you didnt want her because she was half mine.

 

why did you keep coming back? why did you continually ask me to marry you? why do you say you love me?

for years i have been in love with a man who couldnt have cared less that it was me. i was just a thing.

oh God…disgusting, flithy thing who people take pleasure in hurting? over and over and i keep coming back…out of my control…b/c where else have i got to go? oh God

i am just a thing. a miserable thing who constantly finds the wrong guys and pays dearly for it???

and for years i’ve been living a lie? hopeful and doing b/c i thought i was bringing you pleasure…but it was the wrong kind of pleasure…

and i’m just the stupid-enough girl who woke every morning hoping… like with Dave (that i’d feel something) or Paul (he’d treat me better…he was just having a bad day when he…). i’m just a stupid-enough girl to buy the line and pay the dues b/c i had nothing else?

you and i…the possibility of you and i. the part where you wanted ME to have your babies and have your last name…it was all a lie??? just as she and they said???

oh God…

the fact that i had never done those things before you…the fact that i was only doing those things b/c it was you and i thought it had meant something…the fact that you leave and i am broken beyond repair and then you message and i cling to stupid, stupid dreams and hope…every word from you held as if it were the most precious thing on earth

she/they told me what you did with the money i sent. an engagement ring. good for you Aslan! it was urs to spend any way you thought fit. your engaged and have your happily-ever-after. good.

i thought i had moments…of sweet things…i have been telling myself for over a month that SHE was the one lying to me…about you and her…you sleeping with her when you were still declaring love to me on New Year’s Eve. i thought i had hours and weeks and months of conversations of the sweetest things

(i have been trying to convince myself since she sent me that first photo of NYC in 2007…b/c i’m and ass…believing in the impossible b/c i’m an ass…believing that someone could actually mean it when he told me he loved me…b/c i’m a vain piece of shit)

but then…i found these…and realized

you really should have let me die when you had the chance!

icon IM History with ozz6979

Saturday, November 18, 2006
8:40 PM
missyyounow: my song just drove away
missyyounow: hehe
ozz6979: lol
missyyounow: but you could hear my fmps
ozz6979: i bet
missyyounow: your not listeing to it
missyyounow: pfft
ozz6979: i have heard it before
missyyounow: i know
ozz6979: lots of times i recal
missyyounow: i play it alot
missyyounow: i like
missyyounow: i like cake
missyyounow: never there
missyyounow: good song
ozz6979: yea
missyyounow: italian leather sofa
missyyounow: was fun
ozz6979: i listened to that song alot last nov
missyyounow: italian leather sofa?
missyyounow: geez
ozz6979: yeah
missyyounow: ok
missyyounow: b/c
missyyounow: i never heard it
missyyounow: until a couple days ago
missyyounow: but i dont own a cd or download music much
missyyounow: same as
missyyounow: jack johnson
missyyounow: didn’t know his stuff until you
missyyounow: now they play it all the time
ozz6979: check out the dandy warhols
ozz6979: i used to listen to them alot to
ozz6979: good stuff
missyyounow: ok
missyyounow: i typed that into music and got nothing
missyyounow: i’m cursed
ozz6979: http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendID=280087
missyyounow: lol
ozz6979: lol
missyyounow: just resting against you a moment
missyyounow: hang on
missyyounow: dizzy
ozz6979: ok
missyyounow: boys better is on
missyyounow: is there one i should hear instead?
ozz6979: we used to be friends i put on profile
missyyounow: when
missyyounow: now
ozz6979: just now
missyyounow: just music
ozz6979: i like the beat
missyyounow: or is it supposed to say
missyyounow: its the theme from veronica mars
ozz6979: no meaning
missyyounow: i know this
missyyounow: i like it too
missyyounow: dizzy aslan
missyyounow: i’m sry
ozz6979: it’s ok take your time
missyyounow: idk whas wroong
missyyounow: i k the song
ozz6979: i may have put it up before
missyyounow: no
missyyounow: its theme for veronica mars
missyyounow: its tv show
ozz6979: idk what that is
missyyounow: tv show
ozz6979: oh
missyyounow: idk what channel
ozz6979: it sounds like this other song i like when iwas a kid
missyyounow: what was that?
ozz6979: but it won’t play
missyyounow: what song?
ozz6979: i’ll try to find
ozz6979: well not exactly but it reminded me of it
ozz6979: this might be a remix
ozz6979: http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendID=89770138
ozz6979: i was like ten when i heard this song
ozz6979: ha it came out in 90
ozz6979: now i feel old
missyyounow: what song?
ozz6979: groovy train
ozz6979: this is a remix though
missyyounow: smiles
ozz6979: lol
ozz6979: i’m a dork it’s ok to say
missyyounow: no i like the beat
missyyounow: just dancing
missyyounow: i can dance to anything
missyyounow: most anything
ozz6979: so u have said
missyyounow: sry
missyyounow: haha
ozz6979: hahaha
missyyounow: telling u one of the things i like about u is you are show and not tell
missyyounow: and all you have from me is tell
ozz6979: you show
ozz6979: well
ozz6979: ……………..
ozz6979: lol
missyyounow: when i told myka i liked to dance his response was “great, i’ve always wanted to break dance”
missyyounow: ur not expecting break dancing now are you?
missyyounow: i dont do that
missyyounow: heeh
ozz6979: i know some moves
ozz6979: want me to pose?
missyyounow: you not gonna see me spinning on the floor on my back
missyyounow: can’t do the moonwalk either
ozz6979: i used to be ok
missyyounow: i remember this guy at school could do the worm
ozz6979: like when i was eighteen
missyyounow: that’s gotta hurt
missyyounow: idk what anything is called
ozz6979: you build caluses
missyyounow: i just dance
ozz6979: on shoulders and stuff
missyyounow: no callusus on the “and stuff”
missyyounow: haha
ozz6979: hahaha
missyyounow: i’ve been soooooooooooooo horrible to you today
missyyounow: i’m sry
ozz6979: shhh
ozz6979: hold on ok i have to give zach his medicine
ozz6979: ok
missyyounow: ok
ozz6979: k
ozz6979: still dancing?
missyyounow: eyes were closed
missyyounow: aslan?
ozz6979: yea babe
missyyounow: please
missyyounow: i dont have to marry him
missyyounow: i would be good at the other thing
missyyounow: no one else touches
missyyounow: please
missyyounow: please aslan
ozz6979: ok
missyyounow: please
ozz6979: if that is what you want to do
missyyounow: dont leave
missyyounow: please
ozz6979: really want to do
missyyounow: pleasae
missyyounow: please
missyyounow: plea
missyyounow: ihp
ozz6979: i’m not
missyyounow: u said u would
ozz6979: i didn’t think u were serious about that
ozz6979: (being a nun)
missyyounow: i pay anyone dues it is god
missyyounow: ok
ozz6979: ok
missyyounow: i know it was a gift
missyyounow: and i’ve messed up
missyyounow: guys always expect things
missyyounow: ok
missyyounow: please dont leave yet
ozz6979: i shouldn’t have said that
missyyounow: no
missyyounow: i make you frustrated
missyyounow: i wasted your time
ozz6979: i just don’t want you there anymore
missyyounow: i know
missyyounow: i have ruined so much
ozz6979: anywhere just not there
missyyounow: just dont let anyone else touch me
missyyounow: please
missyyounow: please
missyyounow: aslan
missyyounow: please
ozz6979: ok
missyyounow: i’m ok
missyyounow: really
ozz6979: good
missyyounow: too late huh?
missyyounow: ok
missyyounow: i’m sry
ozz6979: ?
ozz6979: to late for what
missyyounow: i’ll do
ozz6979: do what?
missyyounow: they’re not going to believe it
missyyounow: dave
missyyounow: nvm
ozz6979: so you going to join a monestary?
missyyounow: no
missyyounow: that’s guys
ozz6979: or is it a nunnery
missyyounow: convent
ozz6979: convent
ozz6979: coming back now
missyyounow: nunnery sounds right cheerful
missyyounow: like a lil factory
missyyounow: with mixers
missyyounow: and dough
ozz6979: lol
missyyounow: a conveyor belt of habit covered caramels
missyyounow: yes, please, can i join one of those
ozz6979: how did u come to this decision if i can ask?
missyyounow: the only visitors i’ve had in here besides drs, techs and nurses
missyyounow: they are really nice
ozz6979: yeah but is it something you want to do?
missyyounow: its safe aslan
ozz6979: i know that
missyyounow: b/c you and i both know
missyyounow: what i really would be doing if i got outta here as is
missyyounow: except
ozz6979: what is that?
missyyounow: i dont have the same equipment i once had
missyyounow: i cant work
missyyounow: i’ll be back on the street
missyyounow: i have no home aslan
missyyounow: as tired as you are of hearing it
missyyounow: its not a matter of fluffing up the twins and finding a guy for the night
ozz6979: i don’t want you to feel that is your only option though
missyyounow: i have scars now
missyyounow: my market value has gone down considerably
ozz6979: i’m not hear becuase of pity or anything else
ozz6979: i am hear out of genuine concern and becuase your my friend
missyyounow: yeah
missyyounow: i know
missyyounow: you are the sweetest guy ever created
missyyounow: i think i mentioned that b4 when i was making u completely uncomfortable
missyyounow: hehe
ozz6979: lol
ozz6979: i don’t like to think of myself as sweet
ozz6979: genuine
ozz6979: or something
missyyounow: to me
missyyounow: you have always been sweet
missyyounow: its not something you put on a resume
missyyounow: its something others see in you
ozz6979: “i’m nice”
ozz6979: lol
missyyounow: not nice
missyyounow: nice implies sacarine without any real substance
ozz6979: how bout
missyyounow: dave is closer to nice than you are
ozz6979: “i’m nice and get along with my mom”
missyyounow: he is two dimensional almost
ozz6979: hahaha’
missyyounow: in that respect you are also different from dave
missyyounow: he can’t stand his mom
missyyounow: or his younger brother
ozz6979: it was a joke
missyyounow: and the one time he took me down to meet her
missyyounow: she acted, dressed…idk you would have had to see it…like we were competition in a bar
ozz6979: lol
missyyounow: she embarrasses him
ozz6979: yeah
missyyounow: i wanted a family aslan
missyyounow: but more importantly
missyyounow: i wanted a family that enjoyed each other
missyyounow: think aslan
missyyounow: when did i start IMing you
missyyounow: what was the catalyst
missyyounow: nvm
ozz6979: i know
missyyounow: billion and one reasons
missyyounow: i didnt stalk you
missyyounow: i didnt pick you out of a line-up
missyyounow: you cant force feelings
ozz6979: that i know
missyyounow: i am content
missyyounow: i had 6 mos
missyyounow: longer and better than most people see in a lifetime
missyyounow: i am not sad
missyyounow: it may sound that way
missyyounow: but i really am not
ozz6979: ok
missyyounow: i am very happy
missyyounow: your leaving
missyyounow: ok
ozz6979: i only half believe u but ok
missyyounow: sry
missyyounow: i’m not sad at all about you
missyyounow: so many smiles aslan
missyyounow: i regret that i wasted your time in the end
missyyounow: but during
ozz6979: i am still trying to accept you as wanting to be a nun
missyyounow: i want to be useful aslaln
ozz6979: just hard to imagine
missyyounow: aslan*
missyyounow: i cant waitress
missyyounow: nuclear physicist?
ozz6979: i had nuns as teachers
missyyounow: well that part is out
ozz6979: they were old and hunch backed
missyyounow: i cant really talk
missyyounow: with warts
missyyounow: i know
missyyounow: i’ll work on that
ozz6979: idon’t remember warts
ozz6979: they ran mey grade school
missyyounow: bad teeth and warts at cathedral in syracuse
missyyounow: well
missyyounow: there was a time
missyyounow: i could have used my powers to improve attendance at that school
missyyounow: hehe
missyyounow: they dont always wear habits anymore
missyyounow: the nun that wears a garter belt
missyyounow: hehe
ozz6979: idk if they will aprove of your pumps either
missyyounow: we’ll slowly work on their fashion sense
ozz6979: lol
missyyounow: aslan
missyyounow: i dont have a family
missyyounow: this may be as close as i get
missyyounow: its safest
missyyounow: i’m fine
missyyounow: please dont let any other guy touch me
missyyounow: please
ozz6979: ok
missyyounow: sry
missyyounow: pfft
missyyounow: i have chicken pox
missyyounow: hehe
missyyounow: that is funny
ozz6979: how did u not get them as a kid?
missyyounow: we had the vaccine
missyyounow: but i guess it only lasts 10 years
missyyounow: i wrote you a letter
missyyounow: but i didn’t send it yesterday
missyyounow: for a couple reasons
missyyounow: idk how chicken pox are spread and dont wanna have the boys come in contact
ozz6979: you become a nun that will be your only way to comunicate with me
missyyounow: i’d feel horrible
missyyounow: we’re allowed to talk
ozz6979: if u still wanted to
missyyounow: sister mary-therese has a SN
missyyounow: hehe
missyyounow: your silly
ozz6979: lol
missyyounow: they use electricity and cars and everything nowadays baby
ozz6979: i didn’t say they didn’t
missyyounow: i’d still have computer time
ozz6979: lol
ozz6979: hahahahha
missyyounow: your mad
ozz6979: i can’t imagine what your myspace would look like
missyyounow: i did something
missyyounow: oh
missyyounow: well yeah
missyyounow: THAT’d go
missyyounow: and my current icon
ozz6979: lol
missyyounow: but i got that for you anyhow
missyyounow: and should probably change it
ozz6979: mine was for you to
missyyounow: i know
missyyounow: i saw greys anatomy
ozz6979: i havn’t thought of that in forever
missyyounow: they were in a bubble bath
missyyounow: i smiled
missyyounow: so much of it
missyyounow: makes me smile so big
missyyounow: not sad aslan
missyyounow: please stop thinking of me as sad
missyyounow: i’m no trophy
missyyounow: you told eric that i lied about how we met
missyyounow: sry
missyyounow: that was random
ozz6979: i didn’t say u lied
missyyounow: it just surprised me when i heard that it was my idea
ozz6979: so many holes in the story
missyyounow: of me, you, us
missyyounow: yeah
missyyounow: i k
missyyounow: but still…
missyyounow: that it almost was
missyyounow: makes me smile
missyyounow: more than most
missyyounow: so izzy on greys anatomy is mourning denny
missyyounow: but
missyyounow: she is a dr again
ozz6979: yeah
missyyounow: you’ve been watching?
missyyounow: hahahaa
ozz6979: seen bits and peices
missyyounow: and meredith is with mcdreamy
missyyounow: i told you so
ozz6979: yep u did
missyyounow: you ok aslan?
ozz6979: yeah
missyyounow: you sure?
ozz6979: yeah i am
missyyounow: good
missyyounow: want you to be happy
missyyounow: always
ozz6979: i am seeing a new girl, why i havn’t posted your stuff
ozz6979: something about women and other women
ozz6979: stupid jealousy
missyyounow: i know you are seeing
missyyounow: wait
ozz6979: i’m not telling you to be mean
missyyounow: you need for me to delete your comments?
ozz6979: i just want you to hear it from me and not be guessing
missyyounow: or pic of me on mine
missyyounow: i know you are seeing someone
missyyounow: i knew that
missyyounow: i am easy to replace aslan
missyyounow: i’m fine
ozz6979: not really
missyyounow: you were completely silly to tell me what you did earlier
missyyounow: i knew better though
missyyounow: not really?
missyyounow: meaning yes
missyyounow: what do you want gone
missyyounow: i’ll make it disappear
missyyounow: just tell me
ozz6979: nothing
missyyounow: no
missyyounow: not really means something
ozz6979: stop ok
ozz6979: not really easily replaced
missyyounow: dont get mad
missyyounow: dammit aslan
ozz6979: not mad
ozz6979: just telling
ozz6979: you
missyyounow: holding your face
missyyounow: listen to me
ozz6979: you are not easily replaced
missyyounow: YOUR HAPPINESS WAS ALWAYS MOST IMPORTANT
missyyounow: IT WILL NEVER CHANGE
missyyounow: you have no fucking clue how much you mean to me
missyyounow: and that i am NOT sad
missyyounow: about any of my time with you
missyyounow: it doesnt make me cry
ozz6979: good
missyyounow: i will admit to the last two months being crap
ozz6979: i want you to be happy
missyyounow: living in dread of the end
missyyounow: not the end of us
missyyounow: that happened in sept. (broke china plate)
missyyounow: the end of me being able to talk to you
missyyounow: you know what makes me smile
missyyounow: and what makes me scared
missyyounow: i cant tell dave what i told you
missyyounow: he’ll take it personally
missyyounow: its not personal
missyyounow: he’s a great guy
missyyounow: oh wait
missyyounow: you need me to back off on talking to you
missyyounow: i told you
ozz6979: lol your thinking to much agian
ozz6979: over thinking stuff
missyyounow: i’ll wait for you to talk so as not to embarrass you
ozz6979: hahahha
missyyounow: too late?
missyyounow: shit
ozz6979: stop treading so lightly
missyyounow: ok fuck
ozz6979: your acting funny when you do
missyyounow: stray dog spraying its territory???
missyyounow: hahaha
missyyounow: wait
missyyounow: cats spray
missyyounow: dogs just pee
ozz6979: idk
missyyounow: my fire hydrant
ozz6979: i guess
ozz6979: i never payed attention
missyyounow: geez
missyyounow: i’ve never had a pet
missyyounow: what do i know
ozz6979: like i said u think into stuff to much
missyyounow: i want you happy
missyyounow: make sure she makes you happy
missyyounow: beyond bounds
missyyounow: you deserve nothing less
ozz6979: we’ll see
missyyounow: pfft
missyyounow: NO WE’LL SEE
missyyounow: while i was in a coma…you went shopping…you better have picked out the good stuff
missyyounow: lol
ozz6979: idk
missyyounow: ok
missyyounow: i’m making you uncomfortable
ozz6979: no i
missyyounow: its releatively new
missyyounow: and at the stage where you want/need to keep it private
ozz6979: i almost had to drop her when she got mad about talking to u still
missyyounow: i understand that
missyyounow: NO
missyyounow: you drop me
ozz6979: nope
missyyounow: aslan
missyyounow: your happiness is most important
ozz6979: exactly
missyyounow: that’s why everything was elevated
missyyounow: every sensation
ozz6979: and i made that very clear
ozz6979: to her
missyyounow: that your happiness is most important
ozz6979: i will talk to who i want and she has to trust me about that
missyyounow: i would do nothing to hurt your happiness ever
missyyounow: you want her
missyyounow: i will support you
missyyounow: completely
missyyounow: you’ve made your choice
ozz6979: i know u would
missyyounow: i’m good
ozz6979: i’m on the fence still
missyyounow: yeah
missyyounow: and the moment you put up the relationship signal
missyyounow: she will be the happiest girl alive
ozz6979: prob
missyyounow: hehehe
missyyounow: i love you aslan
ozz6979: thats nothing new though
missyyounow: (platonically speaking)
missyyounow: hehe
ozz6979: lol
missyyounow: they swoon at your feet
missyyounow: you have to fight them off
missyyounow: its those eyes
missyyounow: that smirk
missyyounow: those lips
ozz6979: the smirk
missyyounow: ….
missyyounow: jelly bean smirk
ozz6979: i have got a few comments about that
missyyounow: no aslan
missyyounow: its the whole package
missyyounow: as long as you are happy
missyyounow: you first this time
ozz6979: i can’t do it on purpose though
missyyounow: when you think of something
missyyounow: like an ice cube
missyyounow: or someone whispering in your ear
missyyounow: soft
missyyounow: and sweet
ozz6979: i’ve tried it is there or not
ozz6979: maybe a sparkle in my eye
ozz6979: idk
missyyounow: its there
missyyounow: its there in nearly every pic i have of you
missyyounow: nah
missyyounow: every pic
missyyounow: its in them all
ozz6979: the sparkle or the smirk
missyyounow: mischievous aslan
missyyounow: the
missyyounow: you know what we’re going to be doing when i pull in the drive
missyyounow: look
ozz6979: yep
missyyounow: hehe
missyyounow: every pic
missyyounow: i’m glad you hid me
ozz6979: what can i say i am a handsome guy
missyyounow: you are
missyyounow: but that’s not it aslan
missyyounow: a billion and one things
missyyounow: you are the prize
missyyounow: always will be
missyyounow: we’re good as long as she doesnt look at my profile (if she has a myspace)
missyyounow: but people dont do that
ozz6979: idk
ozz6979: she knows some things about u
missyyounow: i’m scarred
missyyounow: i’m sick
ozz6979: no not like that
missyyounow: i’m crazy
missyyounow: i was homeless
missyyounow: yep
ozz6979: that u were my gf for 8 months
missyyounow: i’m sounding like a gem there aslan
missyyounow: 6
ozz6979: and in the hospital
missyyounow: you broke up with me in sept
missyyounow: i knew that was the end
missyyounow: and lived in fear of losing you for 1 1/2 mos after that
missyyounow: march to sept is 6
missyyounow: 8 would bring us to nov 7
missyyounow: i was unconscious then
ozz6979: well i was still true to u for almost eight so we can argue those points till we dide
ozz6979: die
missyyounow: no more arguements
missyyounow: ok?
missyyounow: i feel horrible about the way i treated you today
ozz6979: how do u argue with a nun?
missyyounow: pfft
ozz6979: lol
missyyounow: you know there is no guarantee that dr. blah will release me for that either
missyyounow: if it makes it easier
missyyounow: i can do dave
missyyounow: if it makes it easier on your whole gf thingy
missyyounow: that’s more important
missyyounow: i can close my eyes
missyyounow: i think
missyyounow: will it make things easier
ozz6979: no
missyyounow: maybe you think i need to be taken care of b4 you are truly comfortable
ozz6979: i see your point of being a nun melissa
missyyounow: dont’ do that though
missyyounow: you cant take care of a 1/2 doz ex
missyyounow: you have an ex wife
missyyounow: and ex gimp
missyyounow: haha
missyyounow: your trying to be hercules
ozz6979: i said dave becuase i trust him
missyyounow: he doesnt have hair on his chest
ozz6979: he seems genuinly concerned for u
missyyounow: i dont doubt he is
missyyounow: is that a reason to get married
missyyounow: god i hope not
ozz6979: not just concern i have always thought he loved u
missyyounow: is that a reason to sleep with him
missyyounow: i thought i had moved beyond that life
missyyounow: aslan
missyyounow: i fell in love only once
ozz6979: i said that to u in april
missyyounow: u know that
ozz6979: i know
missyyounow: how did it feel night after night being with someone who would not kiss you?
ozz6979: i won’t ask u to do something you don’t want
missyyounow: god
missyyounow: i can’t imagine
missyyounow: seriously fucked in the head (no offense to the ex really meant other than i cant imagine NOT wanting to kiss you)
missyyounow: i can close my eyes
missyyounow: if it will make you feel less
missyyounow: responsible?
missyyounow: bad?
missyyounow: idk
ozz6979: shh
missyyounow: he’s taller than you
missyyounow: i was gonna be able to stand on tip toes with you
missyyounow: i’ve had sex with him b4
missyyounow: i can do this
missyyounow: idk
missyyounow: only once
missyyounow: but
missyyounow: yeah
missyyounow: well one night anyhow
missyyounow: he’s not you
ozz6979: ok
missyyounow: i’m not good at faking
missyyounow: if you were him
ozz6979: nun sounds better by the min
missyyounow: b/c?
missyyounow: you see
missyyounow: i will ruin his life
ozz6979: becuase u will be unhappy
missyyounow: no
missyyounow: i’m happy aslan
missyyounow: you are happy
missyyounow: i am happy
missyyounow: that’s the deal
missyyounow: you didnt sever that connection
missyyounow: when you are happy, i am ecstatic
ozz6979: good
missyyounow: and i dont mean slight smile happy
missyyounow: you’ve got to be fully happy
missyyounow: everything
missyyounow: no settling
missyyounow: and no traps this time
missyyounow: aslan?
ozz6979: yeah
missyyounow: pain meds are wearing off quickly again
missyyounow: 11:30 is my next one
missyyounow: incase i get mean
ozz6979: k
ozz6979: lol
missyyounow: i dont mean to
ozz6979: i know
missyyounow: i have been horrible to you all day
missyyounow: which one will make you happiest?
missyyounow: nvm
missyyounow: dont tell me
missyyounow: just dance
missyyounow: i like ur new song
missyyounow: you think they will let a nun taking belly dancing?
missyyounow: hehe
ozz6979: maybe
missyyounow: i’m not a threat to her…tell her sometime… i said i’d never fight for you to keep you… i’m not good at fighting…i am just happy that you like to talk to me sometimes
missyyounow: that is more than enough
missyyounow: to make me smile
ozz6979: she’s weird
ozz6979: and dosn’t get my jokes like u
missyyounow: she will
ozz6979: sarcastic
missyyounow: i didn’t always get the sarcasm in the end
missyyounow: always looked for the trap door to open
missyyounow: i think too much
ozz6979: maybe it has been a little over the top
missyyounow: you cant compare me to her
missyyounow: i wont measure up
missyyounow: she you can touch
missyyounow: ha
missyyounow: stopped you mid typing with that one
missyyounow: and you called me illogical
missyyounow: pfft
ozz6979: your a woman
missyyounow: every place you took me
missyyounow: seemed real
missyyounow: and some
missyyounow: when you told me what to do
missyyounow: were very real
missyyounow: give her that
missyyounow: trust just follows
missyyounow: then she wont worry about me
ozz6979: i should write a book on women
missyyounow: like i stopped worrying about the ex
missyyounow: remember
missyyounow: in the beginning
missyyounow: she made me nervous
missyyounow: i bet i was even catty
ozz6979: lol
missyyounow: but god
ozz6979: just a little
missyyounow: you have this way
missyyounow: that totally relaxes
missyyounow: without demanding
missyyounow: no ultimatums
missyyounow: just gentle coaxing and loving
missyyounow: gestures
missyyounow: words
missyyounow: you make a girl feel like she is more beautiful than anyone
missyyounow: and more loved than there has ever existed b4
missyyounow: and when you start narrating
missyyounow: the touches
ozz6979: well that was special for u the loved part
missyyounow: directing hands
missyyounow: and kisses
missyyounow: touches
missyyounow: god
missyyounow: i never faked aslan
missyyounow: it was real
missyyounow: i had been raped
missyyounow: and you brought me back
missyyounow: and i will always love you
missyyounow: for that and a billion other things
ozz6979: babe u have done so much for me to
ozz6979: you say ruin but i am in a much better place now then when i met u
missyyounow: we were so good for each other baby
missyyounow: both like to give
missyyounow: it was funny
missyyounow: at the first
ozz6979: i was ok but kinda self loathing when i met u
missyyounow: i remember
ozz6979: i’m ok with myself now
missyyounow: i was better when we first met
missyyounow: i thought i was gonna be out by your b-day
missyyounow: i really had that fantasy built up in my head
missyyounow: sitting on your porch
missyyounow: waiting for you to get home
missyyounow: i did it to myself
missyyounow: i want you happy
missyyounow: it was never a line aslan
missyyounow: you are the world to me
missyyounow: again
missyyounow: not begging to have you come back
missyyounow: i have lived in fear of losing you
missyyounow: i cant do that again
ozz6979: o klnow
ozz6979: i know
missyyounow: we were falling apart
missyyounow: and my body was falling apart
missyyounow: and i could hold either together
missyyounow: it is a devasting thought
missyyounow: not having you in my life
missyyounow: some how
missyyounow: absolutely devastating
missyyounow: you cant imagine
missyyounow: (not to guilt you into anything… i do recognize that this friendship is either going to grow or decline based on what happens in the rest of your life)
missyyounow: the letters have probably been tossed
missyyounow: but
missyyounow: you know the level
missyyounow: that you are to be loved
missyyounow: lil notes in your pockets
ozz6979: yeah
missyyounow: and burn the victoria secrets
ozz6979: lol
missyyounow: you’d look silly in it
missyyounow: and how else can you explain it?
ozz6979: nahi’ll give them back when u get out
missyyounow: nah
missyyounow: i cant wear those anymore
missyyounow: i look kinda hideous
missyyounow: it was vainity
missyyounow: i have sinned so much
ozz6979: pfft
missyyounow: how many letters did i write you… did you count b4 tossing or just tossed… not looking back
missyyounow: ??
ozz6979: i can count right now
missyyounow: oh
ozz6979: i’m not sure really
missyyounow: your tossing as we speak
missyyounow: haha
ozz6979: alot
missyyounow: haha
missyyounow: i’m such and idiot
missyyounow: 34 mins to meds aslan
missyyounow: my laptop has your name and address on it
missyyounow: if something should happen
missyyounow: the password is alexandally
missyyounow: the files are all under Aslan, Ozz, or I Love Him
missyyounow: it was supposed to be sent to you if something happens
missyyounow: to me
missyyounow: sillyness
ozz6979: counting hold on
ozz6979: 104
ozz6979: i sent a pic of them to
missyyounow: pain aslan
ozz6979: i’m sry hun
missyyounow: dont leave
ozz6979: i’m not
ozz6979: medicine will be ther soon
missyyounow: zach is sick?
ozz6979: no his shot for hemophilia
missyyounow: i dont remember you giving b4
ozz6979: well shot is really four but
missyyounow: that is the first time you told me
ozz6979: 4 syringes into his port
ozz6979: port goes right to his heart
missyyounow: yeah
missyyounow: just known you for 8 mos and that the first time you told me you were doing that
ozz6979: saline factor saline and a anti cloting thing that  stays in the line so it doesn’t clot
ozz6979: heprin
missyyounow: hey
missyyounow: i had that
ozz6979: couldn’t think of the name for a min
missyyounow: i think
missyyounow: when i had blood problems
missyyounow: i’m pretty sure i was on that
missyyounow: i wrote you a letter yesterday
ozz6979: it makes it so blood doesn’t clot
missyyounow: i didn’t mail it
missyyounow: b/c they told me i had chicken pox and i didn
missyyounow: ‘didn’t want to possibly…idk get the boys sick
missyyounow: but also don’t want to embarrass you
missyyounow: i liked writing you aslan
missyyounow: them be alot of letters
ozz6979: u don’t embarass me
ozz6979: yea
missyyounow: i adore you
missyyounow: always will
missyyounow: i will tone it down
missyyounow: 3 mins
missyyounow: then a half hour to work
ozz6979: yea i just took some advil
missyyounow: feels like a weight on my chest
missyyounow: i give you a headache?
missyyounow: ouch
ozz6979: lol
ozz6979: i think i broke my finger
missyyounow: when?
missyyounow: i’m sorry
ozz6979: at work last week
missyyounow: oh hunny
missyyounow: wait
missyyounow: shit
missyyounow: we’ve been doing the baby, babe, hun, hunny and cutie again
missyyounow: is that ok?
missyyounow: or is that out of bounds
ozz6979: broke is prob extreem
ozz6979: more like fractur if that
missyyounow: crack?
ozz6979: i call the girl at the store hun
missyyounow: hairline fracture?
missyyounow: good
missyyounow: just so that i lose all sense of value i’ve built up in my head in 1 min flat
missyyounow: haha
missyyounow: you call your barber cutie too?
ozz6979: depends
missyyounow: haha
missyyounow: thanks
ozz6979: lol
ozz6979: sry
missyyounow: all this time i thought they were endearing
missyyounow: never had anyone call me those b4
missyyounow: idiotness showing again
missyyounow: sry
ozz6979: i say hun
ozz6979: hunny meant more
ozz6979: babe and baby are special
ozz6979: cutie
missyyounow: your being a flirt
missyyounow: with that one
missyyounow: i know
missyyounow: hehe
ozz6979: yeah
missyyounow: you’d flirt with the nurse in support hose
missyyounow: hehe
ozz6979: i flirt with everyone now
ozz6979: well not men but every one else
missyyounow: somehow i doubt you are smiling anywhere near as much as i have been the last few days
missyyounow: when you talk to me
missyyounow: you could have b4
missyyounow: you knew
missyyounow: week 3
missyyounow: i was so entirely secure
missyyounow: god
missyyounow: i had soooooooo much
missyyounow: thank you
ozz6979: but i didn’t
ozz6979: i was completly yours
missyyounow: i know
missyyounow: no
missyyounow: we agreed early on
missyyounow: we are encouragable flirts
missyyounow: but a glance across the room
missyyounow: eyes meeting
missyyounow: you’d know
missyyounow: only yours
missyyounow: we knew
ozz6979: yeah
missyyounow: i didnt need to crowd you aslan
missyyounow: get in your space or your business
missyyounow: what my friend carrie said about trust
missyyounow: you have no idea
missyyounow: how relaxing it is
missyyounow: shot…hang on please
ozz6979: k
missyyounow: i get shot in thigh
missyyounow: hehe
missyyounow: hearts up here…they give me a shot down there
missyyounow: haha
missyyounow: silly
missyyounow: i dont have many chicken pox
missyyounow: i thought people get covered
missyyounow: you cant keep the letters aslan
missyyounow: she finds them she’ll be upset
ozz6979: lol
ozz6979: your grandma kept hers for all rthat time
missyyounow: you do not LOOK like grandma
ozz6979: or is it a girl thing
missyyounow: they are yours
missyyounow: forever
missyyounow: idk if grandpa actually kept his lil notes
missyyounow: i just remember finding them
missyyounow: all the time
missyyounow: in pockets
missyyounow: throw out the bad ones
missyyounow: keep the good
missyyounow: selective memory
missyyounow: hehe
ozz6979: nah they are part of a story
missyyounow: you get the laptop too
missyyounow: nearly everything you ever wrote to me
missyyounow: all the places you took me
missyyounow: the houses
missyyounow: her
missyyounow: you’ve gotta have a daughter
missyyounow: that was just too cool for it not to happen
ozz6979: yeah
ozz6979: whiskey is fastter
missyyounow: than a daughter?
ozz6979: lol
missyyounow: hehe
ozz6979: than advil silly
missyyounow: they wont let me drink in here
missyyounow: you figure out a way, after all this time, to get some to me
missyyounow: i’ll drink with you
ozz6979: lol
missyyounow: (don’t forget the cigarettes)
ozz6979: beer has lots of calories
missyyounow: i dont like beer
missyyounow: sry
ozz6979: so you can gain some weight back
missyyounow: well that’s not entirely true
ozz6979: i heard your pretty small again
missyyounow: i cant drink a whole beer
missyyounow: dont worry about it aslan
missyyounow: when i can eat again
missyyounow: i will eat lots
ozz6979: smiles
missyyounow: they haven’t let me in a while
missyyounow: that wednesday
missyyounow: i had broth
missyyounow: it didnt stay down
ozz6979: prob woried about heart burn
missyyounow: ha?
ozz6979: bad joke sry
missyyounow: no
missyyounow: just making sure it was a joke
missyyounow: i hate laughing when dave tells me a medical truth
missyyounow: and i’m thinking its sooo stupid it must be a joke
missyyounow: like when they told me i had chicken pox
missyyounow: im 23
missyyounow: shit
missyyounow: i’ll be 24 soon
ozz6979: yep
ozz6979: old hag
missyyounow: aslan
missyyounow: i told you the other day i didn’t want to see you
ozz6979: yeah
missyyounow: its not forever
missyyounow: ok?
missyyounow: maybe
ozz6979: i know
missyyounow: if i’m allowed visitors
missyyounow: and if you’d like
missyyounow: and dont have a root canal scheduled
missyyounow: (hehe)
ozz6979: i’d like that
missyyounow: you will come?
missyyounow: just for a lil bit
missyyounow: i protect my heart
missyyounow: just a lil bit
ozz6979: i have a certain chain to return to you
missyyounow: ?
ozz6979: your necklace
missyyounow: nah
ozz6979: yea
missyyounow: you can toss that with the letters and lingerie
ozz6979: it hasd a new attachment
missyyounow: no
missyyounow: please get rid of the twist tie too
missyyounow: i cant do that
missyyounow: please
missyyounow: that i cant do
missyyounow: not ever
missyyounow: ok?
ozz6979: the necklace and cross i will not accept a no about
missyyounow: cross?
ozz6979: every necklace needs a cham
missyyounow: i didn’t have a cross
missyyounow: no aslan
missyyounow: you shouldnt have
ozz6979: yes
missyyounow: your gonna make me cry
missyyounow: you are always thinking
missyyounow: exactly what i love
missyyounow: at exactly the moment i need
missyyounow: omg
ozz6979: it is a special cross
missyyounow: you dont know
missyyounow: you are stepping into a piece of me you dont know
missyyounow: please
missyyounow: confirmation
ozz6979: instead of it having jesus on the cross it has the rison jesus there
ozz6979: risen*
missyyounow: lil girls receive rosaries and cross necklace
missyyounow: my mom bought the fanciest rosery
missyyounow: she still has it b/c it was too special for me to hold on to
missyyounow: it was expensive
missyyounow: and i was irresponsible
missyyounow: my grandparent
missyyounow: bought my cross
missyyounow: simple
missyyounow: on a gold chain
missyyounow: my mother didnt like it
missyyounow: it wasn’t right
missyyounow: it wasn’t like amanda burley’s cross
missyyounow: jesus nailed
ozz6979: well this one is far from simple and i gurentte it is one of a kind
missyyounow: i love you
missyyounow: not to make you feel awkward
missyyounow: geez
missyyounow: i’m sorry
ozz6979: so u see i can’t take no for an answer
ozz6979: you have to accept this
ozz6979: please
missyyounow: gonna find you aslan
missyyounow: i will
ozz6979: huh
missyyounow: huh?
ozz6979: gonna find me?
missyyounow: me and my nun suit
missyyounow: hehe
ozz6979: oh
ozz6979: lol
missyyounow: idk what to do aslan
missyyounow: i really dont know
ozz6979: well the nun thing sounds like a safe bet though it is hard to imagine u as one
missyyounow: i am scared to go back to former life
ozz6979: then don’t
ozz6979: start something new
missyyounow: i have no home or job aslan
missyyounow: i cant lift my left arm even with my shoulder
missyyounow: i have scars
missyyounow: big
missyyounow: ugly
ozz6979: well u didn’t have a home before either
missyyounow: hideous scars
missyyounow: no
missyyounow: i thought i did
ozz6979: u had money but no home
missyyounow: for a while
missyyounow: someone told me i did
missyyounow: he might have been being just nice
missyyounow: idk
Sunday, November 19, 2006
missyyounow: and way back
missyyounow: i had hook ups
missyyounow: never saw the inside of a bedroom
missyyounow: but having been in a hospital bed for 10 mos
missyyounow: i dont think i missed much
missyyounow: lol
ozz6979: nah u missed one
ozz6979: nvm sry
missyyounow: no
missyyounow: i got
missyyounow: its ok
missyyounow: i am well aware what i lost
missyyounow: i’m ok
ozz6979: well i meant last oct
missyyounow: no
missyyounow: your head was in a flat girl’s chest
missyyounow: unless you were thinking 3-some
missyyounow: haha
ozz6979: pfft from your tales that wouldn’t have stopped u most of the time
missyyounow: you were outta my league
missyyounow: there was something about you aslan
missyyounow: 5 mins
missyyounow: i was mesmerized
missyyounow: not at a drunken guy sailing face first onto a blonde
missyyounow: that ya see all the time
missyyounow: hehe
ozz6979: lol
missyyounow: idk
missyyounow: ever meet someone someplace
missyyounow: and they’ve got this
missyyounow: blurred effect around them
missyyounow: and the room is completely still for a few minutes
missyyounow: paused
ozz6979: rarly
missyyounow: things are really not paused
missyyounow: idk
missyyounow: it was an instant
ozz6979: depending on what tinme of the night you saw me
ozz6979: i prob felt like i owned the world
ozz6979: and when i feel that good everything is awsome for me
ozz6979: girls buy me drinks
ozz6979: bouncers let me in free
ozz6979: hard to explain but it is the way i carry myself
ozz6979: doesn’t happen all the time
ozz6979: actually it is kinda rare
ozz6979: but it had to be one of those nights
missyyounow: you had a crowd
missyyounow: idk
missyyounow: so much a blur
missyyounow: but the color of your hair
missyyounow: your eyes just dancing
missyyounow: and full of life
missyyounow: the color of your lips
missyyounow: etched in my mind
missyyounow: not even sure i remember what i heard you say
missyyounow: but your voice
missyyounow: i did hear it that night
missyyounow: standing there willing you to look up and notice me
missyyounow: it didnt work
missyyounow: hehe
missyyounow: just a moment
ozz6979: wish i had
missyyounow: i’m fine with how things worked out
missyyounow: b/c
missyyounow: it was too soon for you
missyyounow: and i probably wouldn’t have had the courage to stay past 5
missyyounow: which would have pissed you off
missyyounow: you were downstairs at my hospital
missyyounow: i wanted to get down to you
missyyounow: so badly
missyyounow: so badly
missyyounow: i wasn’t supposed to leave the floor aslan
missyyounow: the times i did i was in violation
missyyounow: when caught
missyyounow: i was restrained
missyyounow: the possibility
missyyounow: was always worth the pain
missyyounow: loved so completely
missyyounow: i never lied to you aslan
missyyounow: never faked
missyyounow: you still make me smile
missyyounow: you still make me tremble
missyyounow: the good kind
missyyounow: and you talked me through
missyyounow: told me how
missyyounow: and
missyyounow: gave me more than anyone
missyyounow: smiles
ozz6979: smiles
missyyounow: havent kissed anyone in a very long time
missyyounow: but you
missyyounow: it was all i could think of
missyyounow: holding the sides of your face
missyyounow: and pulling you in
missyyounow: but
missyyounow: it wasn’t
ozz6979: hold on
missyyounow: about
missyyounow: kaboom!
missyyounow: my new song
missyyounow: dancing…let me know when you get back
ozz6979: k
missyyounow: your tired aslan
missyyounow: curl in and sleep
missyyounow: they didn’t cut the belly
missyyounow: you curl into your pillow
missyyounow: and sleep
missyyounow: and dream sweetly
ozz6979: checking on the boys
ozz6979: i am tired though
missyyounow: i know
missyyounow: i’ve been dreadful today
missyyounow: sorry
ozz6979: sent you a pic of zach
missyyounow: should i remove comments or the pic rob posted
missyyounow: awww
missyyounow: thank you
ozz6979: no
ozz6979: your fine
missyyounow: how do i make profile private again
missyyounow: i dont wanna cause problems
missyyounow: please
missyyounow: anything i can do
ozz6979: problems how?
missyyounow: i remember early insecurities
missyyounow: you are the prize
missyyounow: i doubt she looks
missyyounow: but
ozz6979: lol i had to take the pic it almost looked like he had a smirk
missyyounow: he does
missyyounow: thank you for him
missyyounow: the pic
missyyounow: and sharing
missyyounow: all of it aslan
missyyounow: you have no idea how i value it all
missyyounow: so important
missyyounow: that’s what you look like sleeping too?
ozz6979: idk
missyyounow: hehe
ozz6979: never seen myself asleep
missyyounow: hehe
missyyounow: you and he are alike
ozz6979: yea
missyyounow: he will be a heartbreaker one day
ozz6979: i’ll talk tp u later
ozz6979: sweet dreams babe
missyyounow: sweet dream aslan
missyyounow: curling in
ozz6979: tired and need rest
missyyounow: i know
missyyounow: i am sorry
missyyounow: love you
missyyounow: very much
missyyounow: my friend
Monday, November 20, 2006
6:28 PM
ozz6979: hello
missyyounow: Aslan’s: i’m sry…please stay safe, warm, loved, find fun and adventure, and above all else, be completely HAPPY! (i understand what i’ve lost now…sry isnt enough for all the horrible things i’ve been ik)
Rob & Amy: i miss you both, you were good friends, always
Eric: i appreciate all you have done…i just cant now…you’ll see, it is for the best
Dave: your heart is good but once again i took something that doesnt belong to me and ended up turning my fears of what i was facing against someone i shouldnt have. the guilt is mine alone.
Sst Mary-Therese, I’m sry about Friday…I’d love to meet the others and have that conversation, but fear all is too late maybe…Your guidance and kindness was most valuable. Thank you.painkillers are working sporatically. might be catching up on sleep or maybe i need to live inside my head and not hurt people. praying for forgiveness  
oxox ~me  
 
missyyounow: tahnk u for the message and comment
ozz6979: smiles
missyyounow: im not making sense
missyyounow: i wrote back
missyyounow: it what was on my mind
ozz6979: i’m reading it now hold on
missyyounow: it also doesnt make sense
missyyounow: and u will be mad
missyyounow: and i am sry
missyyounow: i was bad again and forgot who i was yesterday
missyyounow: and i am sry
missyyounow: i stay here
missyyounow: i am hurtful so i stay here
missyyounow: see?
ozz6979: u didn’t hurt me
missyyounow: they wouldnt let me stay at Ithaca and so i parked behind a pizza place and i was homelss
missyyounow: but i shouldnt have been upset with my mom
missyyounow: u see
missyyounow: and dave lied
missyyounow: he’s not u
ozz6979: that i am kinda upset about but not at u
missyyounow: he had to
missyyounow: b/c
ozz6979: ?
missyyounow: people know aslan
missyyounow: i am in love with u
missyyounow: i wrote 2 pages
missyyounow: i’m sry
missyyounow: i shouldnt have
ozz6979: it’s ok
missyyounow: i wrote 2 pages just about u in a 3 page letter
missyyounow: i shouldnt have
missyyounow: so when daddy mentioned the letter
missyyounow: he’s not believing dave b/c dave is dave not aslan
missyyounow: who i love
missyyounow: couldnt have been plan
missyyounow: dave lied
missyyounow: u
missyyounow: wanted me safe
missyyounow: u lied to me
missyyounow: u knew
missyyounow: i know why
missyyounow: there’s always reason
missyyounow: i was being auctioned
missyyounow: tho
ozz6979: i’m sry melissa
missyyounow: no
missyyounow: i’m sry
missyyounow: i have no right
missyyounow: i live on edge of losing u
ozz6979: no i wanted u safe and happy
missyyounow: alsawys on the edge
ozz6979: only reason i said ok
missyyounow: he wanted a marrage aslan
missyyounow: not play house
ozz6979: i know that
ozz6979: well now i do
missyyounow: u knew i was going to have to have sex with him
missyyounow: and u were fine with that
missyyounow: its ok
missyyounow: i’m sad
ozz6979: no that part i didn’t know
missyyounow: married people have sex
ozz6979: i thiought he was getting u out to get u better
missyyounow: (well most do…hehe)
missyyounow: dave has asked b4
ozz6979: i didn’t know he intended all of it till after i said ok
missyyounow: i knew what he meant
missyyounow: shhhh
ozz6979: then i took back my ok
missyyounow: i make u sad too
ozz6979: burt it was to late
missyyounow: i’m sry
missyyounow: aslan
missyyounow: i’m sry
missyyounow: i messed up
ozz6979: i told u to do whatever felt right on sat remember
missyyounow: u told me u wouldnt speak to me again
missyyounow: i live on edge of that
ozz6979: i knew he was going to ask u
missyyounow: always
ozz6979: but i thought there was diff cercumstances
missyyounow: i fear that more than hypnosis…did u ever know that
missyyounow: u leaving
ozz6979: u can say no i told you that
missyyounow: it is silly ik
missyyounow: b/c
missyyounow: it will happen one day
ozz6979: baby i will always be hear when u need me
missyyounow: i k
missyyounow: aslan
ozz6979: just like now
missyyounow: i was unfair to u
ozz6979: if you need me i am hear for u
missyyounow: stupid fairytales
missyyounow: some guy always rides in a prevents the damsel from being raped or assaulted
missyyounow: it doesnt ever happen
missyyounow: not really
missyyounow: i had no right to ask
missyyounow: for u to not let others touch me
missyyounow: i know it is not real
missyyounow: not something u can really do
ozz6979: i would if i could
missyyounow: no
missyyounow: stupid fairytales
missyyounow: i was wrong
missyyounow: he said he ran it by u
ozz6979: i got really upset at dave melissa when he said it was for life and he expected what a wife does
missyyounow: i knew what it meant
missyyounow: marriage is for life aslan
ozz6979: i told him i hoped u said no
missyyounow: i was expecting that when u said yes to me
ozz6979: and not to talk to me anympre
ozz6979: anymore
missyyounow: i am sad aslan
missyyounow: things fall apart on me
ozz6979: hunny i’m sry
missyyounow: Ithaca wouldn’t take me and i had no home
ozz6979: when i said yes i felt like it would be forever
missyyounow: it wasnt though
missyyounow: its ok
ozz6979: but overtime everything changed
missyyounow: i know
missyyounow: i am hurtful and awful
ozz6979: all our plans never worked out
ozz6979: month by month things we planed didn’t happen
missyyounow: plese dont remind me now
missyyounow: please not now
missyyounow: i dont need to relive losing u
missyyounow: please
missyyounow: god
ozz6979: ok
ozz6979: i’m sry
ozz6979: but they were real to me to
missyyounow: i think too much
ozz6979: please don’t think i made them up or said them to make u feel good
missyyounow: but all i have are words aslan
ozz6979: i’ll stop
missyyounow: idk anything today
missyyounow: i wish i did
ozz6979: i’m prob making u cry wich is the last thing i want to do
missyyounow: ithaca wouldnt take me and i was homeless
missyyounow: i have been crying since u stopped talking yesterday
missyyounow: they took this away
missyyounow: and may again
missyyounow: i was restrained for 15 hrs
missyyounow: they gave me my meds thou
ozz6979: see the effect i have on u, sometimes i wonder if it is better for me to not talk anymore becuase i am only harming u
missyyounow: u want to leeve
missyyounow: see
missyyounow: its ok
missyyounow: i understand
ozz6979: no i don’t want u so upset by me
missyyounow: i wasnt on sat
missyyounow: i was in pain
missyyounow: but not from u
missyyounow: and u were truthful to me
missyyounow: i felt sooooo close b/c u admitted the new girl
missyyounow: and i was soooooooooooo happy for u
missyyounow: but mainly happy for me
missyyounow: b/c if u tell me about her (not specifics, of course that is uncomfortable to u)
missyyounow: but if u tell me about her
missyyounow: u wont outgrow me
missyyounow: when u and she are mr. and mrs. fantabulously happy
missyyounow: i will be the shame u want to forget
missyyounow: u will stop talking
missyyounow: but u told me
missyyounow: i was happy
missyyounow: (not that i’ll send a wedding gift mind u…it’s slim pickings around here…stick of gum?)
missyyounow: ok
missyyounow: i over stepped where i should be in ur life
missyyounow: i’m sry
ozz6979: hold on
missyyounow: i’m sry
missyyounow: i’m sry
ozz6979: phone call
ozz6979: i do want u in my life in some fashion melissa u know me better than anyone else and truly are a great friend
ozz6979: ok
ozz6979: i’m not leaving
ozz6979: i’m still heer and will continue to be
missyyounow: i read the message u sent dave
ozz6979: i’m not talking to dave anymore though
missyyounow: i didn’t believe him
ozz6979: which one
missyyounow: i ruined everything
missyyounow: the one were i would not leave u alone
ozz6979: listen ok
ozz6979: let me now if she gets sick
ozz6979: she wont be able to otherwise
missyyounow: yeah
ozz6979: stay away from me
ozz6979: you won’t be able to tell me your sick
missyyounow: she wont be able to otherwise stay away from me
missyyounow: u want me to stay away
missyyounow: i am pest
ozz6979: no you won’t be able to tell me your sick
missyyounow: i am sick aslan
missyyounow: i am messed up
ozz6979: put a comma after otherwise
missyyounow: i try to explain in tonights note
ozz6979: or a period
missyyounow: i try to explain
ozz6979: it changes the meaning
missyyounow: ENOUGH GRAMMAR
ozz6979: lol
missyyounow: u becoming english teacher now?
ozz6979: do u see how i meant it now?
missyyounow: all i know
missyyounow: i all i have ever known
ozz6979: if your sick u can’t tell me
missyyounow: u are wonderful
missyyounow: u are wonderful in so many ways
missyyounow: seen and barely noticable
ozz6979: please understand what that meant
missyyounow: *holding face*
missyyounow: i get it
ozz6979: i hope so
missyyounow: stop
missyyounow: i get it
ozz6979: becuase it reads like shit
missyyounow: i feel like shit
ozz6979: but wasn’t what i meant
missyyounow: u saw what i saw
missyyounow: u know why they restrained me
missyyounow: words are all i have
missyyounow: typed at that
missyyounow: b/c i cant speak
missyyounow: i tried to make recording for u
missyyounow: to say sry so u know i meant it
missyyounow: making things awful for u
missyyounow: i’m sry
missyyounow: but u mainly hear my machines
missyyounow: i cry and u cant hear words
missyyounow: i’m stupid like that
ozz6979: relax baby
missyyounow: u said i do what dave says or u leave
missyyounow: i live in fear of that
missyyounow: then i find out what dave has planned and that u said ok
missyyounow: u wanted me to have sex with him after i begged u no
missyyounow: i have words
missyyounow: they have limits
missyyounow: then dave forwarded me ur last message
missyyounow: b/c i said i wanted them all
ozz6979: i just forwarded them to u
missyyounow: i know u thought i’d say no and if i said yes he’d have to
missyyounow: “kiss ur ass”
missyyounow: baby
missyyounow: i have 3 people who talk to me
missyyounow: that is it
missyyounow: ur mom
missyyounow: when for her b-day
missyyounow: ur dad and u got in that fight
missyyounow: remember?
missyyounow: he wanted to walk out
missyyounow: lost patience
missyyounow: something
missyyounow: maybe mother’s day
missyyounow: but i think it was her b-day
ozz6979: so u read all mt notes to him
ozz6979: ?
missyyounow: just a couple from sunday
missyyounow: didn’t read the full stream aslan
missyyounow: b/c
missyyounow: u were writing to dave
missyyounow: it was between u two
ozz6979: i just forwarded them to you
missyyounow: i had no right
missyyounow: i deleted what he sent
missyyounow: i have no right
ozz6979: yes u do so please read them
missyyounow: i dont read other people’s mail
missyyounow: i don’t look at other people’s profiles
ozz6979: please read them melissa
missyyounow: aslan
ozz6979: they show my feelings on what was going on
missyyounow: i looked at all the pics of u on whip-whatever
missyyounow: b/c u sent me link
missyyounow: i looked at those
missyyounow: i sent ur sons a gift
ozz6979: i sent you the mail so read them for me
missyyounow: i was intrusive
missyyounow: and u left me
missyyounow: we were looking in wegmans flyer
missyyounow: and making grocery list
missyyounow: and when i got AIM working again
missyyounow: ur sons had gifts
missyyounow: u were distant
missyyounow: next day u left
missyyounow: i dont’ read
missyyounow: b/c
missyyounow: u will think i am intruding
missyyounow: and u will leave
ozz6979: no i am telling u to
ozz6979: please!
missyyounow: ur going to leave
ozz6979: pretty please with a cherry
ozz6979: i have to go soon anyways
ozz6979: not for good but for the night
ozz6979: melissa i wasn’t ok with him thinking that
ozz6979: please understand that
missyyounow: I am away from my computer right now.
missyyounow: i dont like the words aslan
missyyounow: he was going to touch me
missyyounow: he is my friend
missyyounow: i would have had to
missyyounow: u said ok
missyyounow: u knew
missyyounow: u didnt tell
missyyounow: i’m sry
missyyounow: u left
missyyounow: omb
missyyounow: omg
missyyounow: omg
missyyounow: omg
ozz6979: i told him not to expect anything
missyyounow: people take aslan
missyyounow: i say no
missyyounow: i said no
missyyounow: even first time
missyyounow: i said no
missyyounow: ever favor has dues
missyyounow: he hates me
missyyounow: u lied about that too
ozz6979: ?
missyyounow: i have no friends
missyyounow: no one stays
missyyounow: he was going to make me
ozz6979: i didn’t know
ozz6979: i’m sry
ozz6979: all i can say
missyyounow: people arent my friends
missyyounow: i am alone
missyyounow: people leave
missyyounow: or i owe them
ozz6979: am i ur friend?
missyyounow: i owe dave
missyyounow: omg
missyyounow: he hates me
missyyounow: omg
ozz6979: so what
missyyounow: aslna
missyyounow: aslan
ozz6979: babe i am ur friend
missyyounow: no
missyyounow: its not possible
missyyounow: omg
missyyounow: why aslan
missyyounow: why do they all grow to hate me
missyyounow: drop me or force me
missyyounow: omg
missyyounow: he was all i had for 3 yrs
missyyounow: it was a lie
missyyounow: everyone lies to me
missyyounow: or i owe them
missyyounow: omg
ozz6979: i’m sry
missyyounow: i have nothing aslan
missyyounow: omg
missyyounow: god
missyyounow: oh god
ozz6979: please relax
missyyounow: it is ok…i am here and can’t hurt anyone anymore
Tuesday, November 21, 2006
4:59 PM
ozz6979: hello there
ozz6979: feeling better today?
missyyounow: hehe
missyyounow: u?
ozz6979: smiles
missyyounow: smiles
missyyounow: get off the fence aslan!
ozz6979: i did
missyyounow: YAY!!!!!
missyyounow: i didn’t see
missyyounow: sry
missyyounow: i’m trying to figure out what’s going on with my myspace
ozz6979: why?
missyyounow: i thought i had private
missyyounow: geez
missyyounow: i am sooooooooooooooooooooooo happy for u
missyyounow: !!!!!
ozz6979: thanx
missyyounow: smiles!!
ozz6979: lol
missyyounow: -D
missyyounow: u laughing at me
missyyounow: ???
missyyounow: i’m operating w/o sufficient meds
missyyounow: u r laughing at me
missyyounow: haha
ozz6979: little nit
ozz6979: bit*
missyyounow: i like nit
missyyounow: god i am so happy for u!!!!!
missyyounow: someone did it!!!
ozz6979: sis what?
ozz6979: dai
ozz6979: did
missyyounow: and what happened to the nimble fingers????
ozz6979: idk
missyyounow: ur doing 2 things at once
missyyounow: hehe
missyyounow: always multi-tasking
ozz6979: lol
ozz6979: listening to music
missyyounow: and that makes u type bad?
missyyounow: lol
ozz6979: i guess so
ozz6979: lol
missyyounow: smiles
missyyounow: someone survives
missyyounow: i like that
ozz6979: ?
missyyounow: i like that alot
missyyounow: i didnt ruin
missyyounow: that is soooooo good
ozz6979: ruin what?
missyyounow: u
ozz6979: how would that happen?
missyyounow: not that you ever had the possibility of going gay
missyyounow: u know
missyyounow: bad relationship
missyyounow: and someone rethinks the whole dating thing
missyyounow: what if my one time in
missyyounow: and i did that
missyyounow: lol
ozz6979: nah
ozz6979: like i said i am better now
missyyounow: i wasnt actually in though
missyyounow: dabbled
missyyounow: so how’s the car?
ozz6979: good
missyyounow: it doesnt have pick-up?
ozz6979: it’s ok
ozz6979: it’s slow
ozz6979: lol
ozz6979: but it getds me from point a to b
missyyounow: let me guess
missyyounow: it is an automatic?
missyyounow: pfft
missyyounow: can u even drive standard?
ozz6979: lol
missyyounow: wuss car
missyyounow: 5-speed
ozz6979: it is five speed
missyyounow: it has a stick?
missyyounow: and it is still sluggish
missyyounow: just not possible
ozz6979: lol
missyyounow: your doing it wrong
missyyounow: i’ll teach u
ozz6979: babe i raced cars
missyyounow: u need to know how to handle the equipment
missyyounow: pfft
ozz6979: think about it
missyyounow: pfft
missyyounow: hehe
missyyounow: ur not pouting now r u?
missyyounow: ok
missyyounow: sry i called it a wuss car
ozz6979: look at the racing video on my page
ozz6979: that was how i raced
missyyounow: smiles
ozz6979: type of events
missyyounow: hang on
missyyounow: computer is being sluggish
ozz6979: do u really think i can’t shift
missyyounow: hehe
missyyounow: i dont think i remember how to drive automatic
missyyounow: hang on
missyyounow: how do i make private
missyyounow: i took dave off…but he’s back on
missyyounow: grrr
ozz6979: he knows your password
missyyounow: i know
missyyounow: but still
missyyounow: u know my password and dont log on
missyyounow: or if u do you havent changed anything
ozz6979: i don’t log on
missyyounow: u need to delete things…do thta ok
missyyounow: i thought i was private
missyyounow: eric says no
missyyounow: its real simple
missyyounow: aslan1
missyyounow: take whatever u need to off
missyyounow: as is
ozz6979: if i wanted to i would have
missyyounow: i’ll take off the last one
ozz6979: last what?
missyyounow: comment from u
missyyounow: it posted funny
missyyounow: yours posted after the 20th
missyyounow: i deleted a bunch of messages from dave
missyyounow: didnt read them
missyyounow: no point
missyyounow: not gonna get upset by reading what is none of my business anymore
ozz6979: whatever he sent had to do wirth u
missyyounow: it was forwards
ozz6979: but if it upsets u don’t read them i guess
missyyounow: pfft
ozz6979: from who?
missyyounow: from him
missyyounow: and didn’t open
missyyounow: just know they were forwards
ozz6979: i meant forwards from who
ozz6979: nvm doesn’t matter i guess
missyyounow: idk…it didn’t say who
missyyounow: just said FW:
missyyounow: and some title
missyyounow: idk
missyyounow: their gone
missyyounow: it was a conversation that was not me
missyyounow: otherwise it would be a RE:
missyyounow: right?
ozz6979: yea
missyyounow: aslan
missyyounow: i’m staying here
ozz6979: so if he is looking at your profile change the password
missyyounow: nothing else was ever really a possibility
missyyounow: u know what Aslan?
ozz6979: chicken butt
missyyounow: i’ve got nothing to hide
missyyounow: ok
missyyounow: that is 2nd time in 4 days u have said that
missyyounow: like i’m supposed to know what that means
ozz6979: just funny
missyyounow: was it something i should have known at some time
ozz6979: what and butt they rime
missyyounow: b/c i’ll admit
missyyounow: things are fading
ozz6979: some one says “you know what”
missyyounow: ok then
ozz6979: i say chicken butt
missyyounow: it must be a wuss car driver thingy
missyyounow: hehehe
ozz6979: stupod butt i think it is funny
ozz6979: ok when u go down snow covered roads at 110 miles an hour then u can talk
ozz6979: wuss car nothing
missyyounow: loved to
ozz6979: yeah i’m sure
ozz6979: i doubt your car even went that fast
missyyounow: i like fast cars
missyyounow: always have
ozz6979: lol
ozz6979: u like fast cars
ozz6979: how come that doesn’t surprise me?
ozz6979: lol
missyyounow: u knew that
ozz6979: teasing u
missyyounow: i like going fast
missyyounow: and i love not looking at maps
ozz6979: lol
missyyounow: and smiling and blinking at police officers when they pull me over
missyyounow: i can act innocent real well?
ozz6979: hahaha
missyyounow: you laughing
missyyounow: you doubt
ozz6979: no i don’t
missyyounow: my friend rob has a ‘cuda…1972 i think
missyyounow: and a mustang
missyyounow: he’s a mechanic
missyyounow: they had land
missyyounow: we’d go dirt driving
missyyounow: u know
missyyounow: hay field
ozz6979: lol
missyyounow: where u stomp it and bounce so high
missyyounow: i can’t do no more
missyyounow: (well duh…that is obvious for zillions of reasons…sry)
missyyounow: but u feel like flying
missyyounow: and over railroad tracks
missyyounow: i always lift my feet and fly
ozz6979: haha
missyyounow: never slow down
missyyounow: i’m hard on cars
missyyounow: but fun
missyyounow: but fast
ozz6979: always fast
ozz6979: but i have calmed down
missyyounow: u have car seats
missyyounow: hehe
missyyounow: road demon with car seats
ozz6979: found places to drive that way and be cheered for it
missyyounow: i would have liked to have seen
missyyounow: u know that right?
ozz6979: yea
missyyounow: i would have liked the rush of being in the car better though
missyyounow: no doubt u handle better than me
missyyounow: but speed i like
missyyounow: and bounces
ozz6979: key is to left foot brake
ozz6979: never take foot off gas
missyyounow: smiles
missyyounow: i think i will imagine that tonight
missyyounow: thanks
ozz6979: lol
missyyounow: left foot gas
missyyounow: no wait
missyyounow: left foot brake
missyyounow: haha
ozz6979: specialy with the gti’s
ozz6979: it would make rear end lose but pull the car through turns
missyyounow: rob said the best place was 390 south near this town of avon or coneeshush
missyyounow: even on dirt?
ozz6979: specialy on dirt
ozz6979: rear would slide wearever you wanted
missyyounow: that’s where i’d lose it
ozz6979: watch the vid see how the cars are always sideways going into the turn
missyyounow: carrie and rob in the mustang me in ‘cuda
missyyounow: am i getting is right
missyyounow: i think that’s what he called it
missyyounow: he put it back together from bits and pieces
missyyounow: dave wouldn’t ride along
missyyounow: too straight laced
missyyounow: hated driving with me
missyyounow: he putts along
missyyounow: but i get lost lots
missyyounow: too busy seeing sights and having blast
ozz6979: when you turn like that when u come towards the end of the turn u are keeping the speed up and pointing in the right derection
missyyounow: then forget where i was
missyyounow: i think i lose my license in january
missyyounow: i think my id is kept downstairs
missyyounow: i need to sent u money order for film
ozz6979: stop
missyyounow: i baought for them
missyyounow: i forgot about develop
missyyounow: pfft
missyyounow: gift with some assembly required
missyyounow: my daddy hated those!
ozz6979: lol
missyyounow: this week is Thanksgiving Aslan
ozz6979: yes i know
missyyounow: i didnt know
missyyounow: i’ve lost track
missyyounow: where was i on halloween?
missyyounow: i mean i know i wasn’t at a party…not that
missyyounow: i have no memory of halloween
ozz6979: idk
missyyounow: we werent together i dont think
missyyounow: i just thought maybe u knew if i was here or some other hospital
ozz6979: i don’t remember
missyyounow: Christmas is coming Aslan
missyyounow: not that i have celebrated in forever
missyyounow: it is just coming
missyyounow: the boys believe in santa?
ozz6979: yeah
missyyounow: Aslan
ozz6979: all there gifts from me are from him
missyyounow: take them to Canandaigua
missyyounow: Santa has a lil house in Canandaigua in the town park
missyyounow: its cute
missyyounow: i would watch the lil kids and their parents for hours across the street
missyyounow: he looks real too
missyyounow: real beard
missyyounow: not mall beard
missyyounow: i’d get a spot in the rose bakery (its a restaurant) and i’d watch
missyyounow: by the window
missyyounow: i’m sry
missyyounow: nvm
ozz6979: sry about what?
missyyounow: u got quiet… i though i overstepped my boundary again
missyyounow: sry
ozz6979: i am just listenuing
ozz6979: i like listening to u
missyyounow: what to?
missyyounow: oh
missyyounow: running outta stories aslan
ozz6979: u know what i mean
missyyounow: i’m breaking a promise aslan
missyyounow: i’m sry
ozz6979: about what?
missyyounow: i promised u something
missyyounow: but somethings just aren’t in our control
missyyounow: nothing we can do about it
ozz6979: depends on what promise
missyyounow: ?
missyyounow: confused
ozz6979: i don’t know what ur talking about
missyyounow: oh yeah… i have made quite a few promises that haven’t happened
missyyounow: ok
missyyounow: nvm
missyyounow: lol
ozz6979: which one melissa
missyyounow: shhhh
missyyounow: its okay aslan
missyyounow: i’m fine with it
ozz6979: with what?
missyyounow: I AM SOOOOOOOO HAPPY!!!
missyyounow: i like stories with happily ever after!!!!
missyyounow: it was time to see one again
missyyounow: smiles
missyyounow: 40 mins to meds
missyyounow: i wrote #105 today, but i guess i can’t send
ozz6979: why?
missyyounow: chicken pox
ozz6979: oh
missyyounow: i’ve got whole constellations
missyyounow: big dipper
missyyounow: (u’ve got a girlfriend aslan…that would be upsetting to her… i would do NOTHING to do that!!)
missyyounow: casseopia
missyyounow: orion
missyyounow: i’ve got a group shapes like and eye on my belly
missyyounow: hehe
ozz6979: lol
missyyounow: i thought they were supposed to stop soon?
missyyounow: i have chicken pox…HAHAHAHAHA
ozz6979: lol
missyyounow: i cant lay down anymore
missyyounow: they wont let me
ozz6979: i guess they were right when they said you were 5
missyyounow: b/c of breathing
missyyounow: hehe
missyyounow: mentally never grew up
missyyounow: so body decided to follow suit
ozz6979: lol
missyyounow: prolly as big as a 5 yr old too
missyyounow: hehe
missyyounow: i’ll leave u be… u r busy
missyyounow: and its ok
missyyounow: SMILES
missyyounow: congratulations Aslan!!!!
missyyounow: make sure she treats you well
missyyounow: happy and beyond!!! u deserve nothing less
ozz6979: gee am i boring u?
missyyounow: i thought u were busy
missyyounow: u kinda dance around me and wont tell me
missyyounow: too damn polite
missyyounow: gimp manners
ozz6979: looking for a new song
missyyounow: for?
ozz6979: profile
missyyounow: oh
missyyounow: something sweet aslan
missyyounow: through her a bone
ozz6979: lol
missyyounow: not to say she’s not floating 12 stories above the world atm
missyyounow: gah! who keeps looking at my profile
ozz6979: how bout this one
missyyounow: i’m not that interesting
missyyounow: ?
ozz6979: lol
missyyounow: thanks
missyyounow: is that one meant for me
missyyounow: ok
missyyounow: admittedly
ozz6979: noi’m teasing
missyyounow: last nights rant in your absence
missyyounow: was not my most productive piece of writing
missyyounow: hehe
missyyounow: just so u know
missyyounow: for future reference
ozz6979: i got that
missyyounow: (please your head around that)
missyyounow: i dont like looking in on things that don’t belong to me…we’re meant to me
missyyounow: somethings in life i don’t need to hurt myself with
missyyounow: you dont watch horror flicks
missyyounow: why?
ozz6979: becuase they scare me
missyyounow: exactly
missyyounow: i didn’t need to be scared aslan
missyyounow: and i was
missyyounow: and there is no one here
missyyounow: but u don’t realize that
missyyounow: so
missyyounow: u don’t know
missyyounow: i have no need to see what’s under the bed or in the closet
missyyounow: b/c if i’m afraid of it
missyyounow: why look
missyyounow: if i’m afraid of what i will see
missyyounow: like when i was horrible in sept and looked at that girls profile
missyyounow: and realized she was everything i wasn’t and everything u wanted
missyyounow: shut up
missyyounow: no comment needed
missyyounow: but i look
missyyounow: i will always find reason to feel bad for looking
missyyounow: content or guilt
missyyounow: it is me
missyyounow: maybe it is only me
missyyounow: though i bet more people respect other’s privacy
ozz6979: have you ever seen old school
missyyounow: no
ozz6979: ok
missyyounow: tv or movie
ozz6979: movie i was going to say a sceen but you wouldn’t understand
missyyounow: i just discovered u can watch tv shows on youtube
missyyounow: lol
missyyounow: screen?
missyyounow: it has a profile?
missyyounow: is it a funny movie?
ozz6979: seen
missyyounow: tell me
missyyounow: i remind u of the ditzy girl that everyone hated on it
missyyounow: hahaha
ozz6979: geez
ozz6979: why do u always put yourseld down?
missyyounow: u stop right now
missyyounow: that was a joke
missyyounow: i wanted to know the reference anyhow
missyyounow: if there was one
missyyounow: let it go aslan
missyyounow: u r not my protector
missyyounow: i never had a right to ask u
ozz6979: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DMgys3oG9H8
ozz6979: lol
ozz6979: your crazzzzy
missyyounow: ?
ozz6979: the video
ozz6979: lol
missyyounow: haha
missyyounow: u gotta leave?
ozz6979: no i just love that part
missyyounow: no
missyyounow: aslan
ozz6979: where he says your crazy
missyyounow: u gotta leave
missyyounow: i was laughing
missyyounow: drs. here
missyyounow: i’ve gotta have a tube put in side of my lung
ozz6979: ok hunny
missyyounow: u gotta leave?
ozz6979: i will stay id u want
ozz6979: if*
missyyounow: i won’t be talking
ozz6979: it’s ok
missyyounow: for 20 mins
missyyounow: ok?
ozz6979: ok
missyyounow: if u have plans
missyyounow: i would tell u g-bye
ozz6979: no plans
ozz6979: i’ll stick around and type mindlessly
missyyounow: ur the best
missyyounow: thanx for the best time of my life
missyyounow: u didnt type mindlessly
missyyounow: i’m feeling no love at all from this AIM screen
missyyounow: haha
ozz6979: sry got cought up watching vids
missyyounow: haha
ozz6979: urghvipqhrtgiq4hp;gihq4p; ig[45 ug45t g4p5 tgp45yhtg 45;itgh45h tg45htg45
ozz6979: there u go
missyyounow: pfft
missyyounow: too late bucko
missyyounow: the tube wasn’t working
missyyounow: they need a smaller one and will be back later
missyyounow: no meds until they do
missyyounow: boooooo
missyyounow: oh shoot
missyyounow: ur still preferring video to me
missyyounow: LIVE ACTION BARBIE HERE
ozz6979: no liostrning to you
missyyounow: ya
ozz6979: lol
missyyounow: u-huh
missyyounow: 36 lines from Dave
missyyounow: zip from u
missyyounow: (no
missyyounow: i dont actually know if there were 36 lines)
ozz6979: lol
missyyounow: your craaaaaaaaaaaazy
ozz6979: this one is the best about dating
ozz6979: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mBq6GOsKKTE
ozz6979: lol
ozz6979: ouch ouch your opn my hair
ozz6979: hahahaha
missyyounow: i’ll take ur word for it
missyyounow: i never dated
missyyounow: haha
missyyounow: wasn’t a whole lot of talking in what i used to do
missyyounow: hehehe
missyyounow: certainly no ouch ouch ur on my hair
missyyounow: i know how to make guys move no-verbally
missyyounow: non-verbally*
missyyounow: i’m trying to think of one converstaion
missyyounow: ….
missyyounow: nope….
missyyounow: that’s not why they had me over
ozz6979: lol
missyyounow: SMILES
ozz6979: lol
ozz6979: so whats dave saying
ozz6979: anything intresting
missyyounow: have u seen this one yet?  it looks funny
missyyounow: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x_bxgG1RuEQ
missyyounow: i deleted
missyyounow: didn’t read
missyyounow: i trusted him
missyyounow: i hate being a moron about men
ozz6979: i seen this one
missyyounow: is it good?  the whole movie…is it good?
missyyounow: i like emma thompson
ozz6979: i meant the preview
missyyounow: she was in in much ado about nothing
missyyounow: it was witty and sarcastic shakespeare piece
missyyounow: we saw in school
missyyounow: they talk fast
missyyounow: he lied to me aslan
missyyounow: for years he lied to me
missyyounow: i was devastated by all the lies i have heard and believed last night
missyyounow: i just delete now
missyyounow: (not lies last night…u were all i really talked to last night…not implying u lied to me last night…)
ozz6979: please don’t be mad with me
missyyounow: about what?
ozz6979: i didn’t know the whole thing
missyyounow: that u were trying to cheer me up on sat
missyyounow: shhhh
missyyounow: aslan
missyyounow: who am i talking to?
missyyounow: who is the only man i choose to talk to until my computer dies
missyyounow: ??
ozz6979: did u read the ones i forwarded to u
missyyounow: from him
missyyounow: every one
missyyounow: u told me to
missyyounow: i do what u say
missyyounow: he was going to “pursuade” me
ozz6979: so u know what i felt about it
missyyounow: aslan
ozz6979: yes or no
missyyounow: i knew how u felt about it when u told me how u felt about it
missyyounow: please aslan
missyyounow: i am in a hospital with no visitors
missyyounow: i have been away from people for nearly a year
missyyounow: and there is no end to that
missyyounow: yeah
missyyounow: i read words
missyyounow: and read too much into them
ozz6979: i just don’t want u thinking like i was doing something to hurt u
missyyounow: they are all i have
missyyounow: u gotta admit though
ozz6979: that was not my intention
missyyounow: it would have been less worry for u if i had been paired off with someone else
missyyounow: i dont want to be a chore to u aslan
missyyounow: do stay here b/c of that ever
ozz6979: not why i said ok to him
missyyounow: i know
missyyounow: i knew
missyyounow: it was my thought and my offer
ozz6979: i said ok becuase i thought it would be your way out
missyyounow: i am clear on that
missyyounow: deleting things, being with dave… if it makes things easier on u… i will do it
missyyounow: ur happiness
ozz6979: shhh
missyyounow: please dont let me or my stuff ever get in the way
missyyounow: u believe
missyyounow: ur happiness was always most important
missyyounow: right?
missyyounow: to me
missyyounow: always most important
ozz6979: to much sometimes
missyyounow: no
missyyounow: aslan
ozz6979: yes
missyyounow: no aslan
missyyounow: i met this wonderful person
missyyounow: and me… i was secondary to seeing u completely happy
missyyounow: oh god
missyyounow: that is the most amazing thing about that feeling u showed me
ozz6979: babe we both like to please people but it took me a long time to understand that hurting myself in the process isn’t fair to myself
missyyounow: i remember carrie
missyyounow: when she found out she was pregnant
missyyounow: trying to explain that to me
missyyounow: i know
ozz6979: you need to understand that to
missyyounow: i hurt u alot
ozz6979: no
missyyounow: i’m sry
ozz6979: not u
missyyounow: god
ozz6979: gez
missyyounow: i can never undo all that damage
missyyounow: u met zach
ozz6979: listen for once before u jump to conclusions
missyyounow: first time
missyyounow: nothing else mattered as much, right?
missyyounow: as that lil boy
ozz6979: yea but thats the key
ozz6979: somethings we do hurt him not derectly
ozz6979: like racing
missyyounow: but seeing u happy
ozz6979: what if i got hurt
missyyounow: seeing u love who u are and being with someone who can love u back
missyyounow: that is good thing
ozz6979: that wouldn’t make him happy though it makes me happy
missyyounow: aslan
missyyounow: i didnt want to do things to hurt u
missyyounow: the promise
missyyounow: the promise i need to break
missyyounow: it’s not the worst of them
ozz6979: i didn’t want u doing things to make me happy at the expense of u not being happy
missyyounow: it’s not the july promise
missyyounow: ok?
ozz6979: wel wich one is it?
missyyounow: i would never do things intentionally to cause u pain
missyyounow: wont take my life
missyyounow: (such that it is…)
missyyounow: lol
missyyounow: i’m done
ozz6979: so what do u want to do?
missyyounow: i hurt u that day
missyyounow: its not a want
missyyounow: its a got
missyyounow: a got to
ozz6979: ok got
missyyounow: stay here aslan
missyyounow: i dont have a choice
missyyounow: i kept trying to tell u
missyyounow: but u dont listen
missyyounow: dave’s motives (good or bad) aside
missyyounow: fucking lie
missyyounow: he lied to be aslan
missyyounow: u have no idea how much lying hurts me
missyyounow: same as what u said on sat
missyyounow: it was a lie… u were being nice though… i know why u said i think… pity
missyyounow: dave just out and out lied
ozz6979: fuck that i wanted all those things with u!
missyyounow: past tense
missyyounow: that isn’t how u presented it
ozz6979: but it will never happen why i had to break up with u
missyyounow: shhhhhh
missyyounow: yeah
missyyounow: i new in august
missyyounow: remember kirkhaven
missyyounow: i thought i would be on my way out?
ozz6979: yeah
missyyounow: people come back from kirkhaven aslan
missyyounow: how could i tell u
missyyounow: you were already angry with me
missyyounow: you kept going on about wasted time
missyyounow: i didnt save the messages
missyyounow: how do i hurt u
missyyounow: ???
missyyounow: i dont want to hurt u
ozz6979: not arguing or even wanting to talk about this anymore
missyyounow: haha
ozz6979: that part of us is gone
missyyounow: i know
missyyounow: reset
missyyounow: u shouldnt have said on sat.
missyyounow: it read wrong
missyyounow: i know why
ozz6979: lets focus on where we are now
missyyounow: you are sweet
missyyounow: hehe
missyyounow: ok
missyyounow: ….
missyyounow: bundt cake
ozz6979: i’m sry it just seems like u think it was all a lie
missyyounow: saturday it was
missyyounow: i think i copied a portion in a message
missyyounow: referencing it on sat as a possibility
ozz6979: sat i was regreting not being able to do those things
missyyounow: even if u add a comma
missyyounow: lol
missyyounow: dont regret aslan
missyyounow: i feel bad
missyyounow: denying u anything
missyyounow: i feel bad
missyyounow: i can never make up for that
missyyounow: happy here
missyyounow: i told u
ozz6979: hold on
missyyounow: i’m gonna go back to where u were gonna stay with me for tube and be good friend… i get stupid and say horrible things when i have no pain meds
missyyounow: i’m sry
missyyounow: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lb94s5pkfoY
missyyounow: i liked musicals…u never did
ozz6979: lol
missyyounow: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=98n-PFXmdz0&mode=related&search=
missyyounow: ‘cuda (the one i had didnt have that bumpy thing on front)
missyyounow: nice car
missyyounow: pfft
missyyounow: sweet car
missyyounow: hehe
ozz6979: lol
missyyounow: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ianmujBtKQU&mode=related&search=
missyyounow: old chargers are fun too
ozz6979: hold on
missyyounow: friend of rob’s had one
missyyounow: sry
ozz6979: my pc won’t let me ee them
missyyounow: under search it is “barracuda racing”
missyyounow: the one i got to drive was that blue color though
missyyounow: i dont remember the bump on the hood though
missyyounow: race any cars that big?
missyyounow: i didn’t really race
missyyounow: just had fun
ozz6979: ok i fixed it
missyyounow: tube
missyyounow: it hurts aslan…
missyyounow: sry
missyyounow: they didnt get it this time either
ozz6979: i’m here
missyyounow: gotta do again
missyyounow: please
missyyounow: if i ever see u
missyyounow: i will owe u
missyyounow: so much
missyyounow: i know
missyyounow: they tell me not to shake
missyyounow: i cant help it
ozz6979: relax hun
missyyounow: i’m pretending i’m leaning my head againt my friend’s shoulder
missyyounow: sry
ozz6979: ok
missyyounow: i’m sry
missyyounow: god aslan
missyyounow: please
missyyounow: its gonna bug me forever
ozz6979: what is
missyyounow: promise me
missyyounow: you wont be angry with me forever
missyyounow: please?
ozz6979: i’m not angry
missyyounow: i wasted time
ozz6979: shhh
missyyounow: they will give me pain meds if i get this in
missyyounow: it keeps collapsing
missyyounow: and they walk back out
missyyounow: pin cushion
ozz6979: sry
missyyounow: more holes and scars and what not
missyyounow: i was never beautiful
missyyounow: but i was ok cute at one point
missyyounow: once more
missyyounow: hold please
ozz6979: ok
missyyounow: (just friend)
missyyounow: its ok
ozz6979: i’m here
missyyounow: thank u
missyyounow: smiles
missyyounow: i get pain meds soon
missyyounow: i was good
ozz6979: smiles
missyyounow: i dont cry hardly at all when they do these things anymore
missyyounow: i’m getting used to
missyyounow: smiles
missyyounow: i’m doing ok
ozz6979: good
missyyounow: it is what i have aslan
missyyounow: it is good
missyyounow: smiles
missyyounow: guess i tantrum when i’m in pain, huh…sry
ozz6979: nbah your ok
missyyounow: u learning new languages aslan?
missyyounow: nbah?
missyyounow: lemme guess
ozz6979: yep
ozz6979: what do u think?
missyyounow: swahili
missyyounow: but hunny
missyyounow: u used the femal version
missyyounow: female*
missyyounow: meaning
missyyounow: ur leader is wearing a pink frock
missyyounow: u (i think) meant nubuwah
missyyounow: meaning hott one with many holes
ozz6979: lol
missyyounow: u r busy
missyyounow: smiles
ozz6979: no i am looking for the funniest vid fr u
missyyounow: oh
missyyounow: hehe
missyyounow: i really cant laugh atm baby
missyyounow: dont make to funny
missyyounow: they are try to stop bleeding
missyyounow: they miss fed
missyyounow: its ok
missyyounow: just pain lil bit
ozz6979: ok you like musicals
missyyounow: i shake
missyyounow: hehe
missyyounow: u dont
ozz6979: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_LhuA8FEzDA
missyyounow: hehe
missyyounow: i like family guy
ozz6979: i’m watching it to
missyyounow: like the hospital one
ozz6979: yea i’m sure
missyyounow: cheerful AIDs
missyyounow: hehe
ozz6979: lol
missyyounow: but u aren’t watching anymore
missyyounow: u know u dont have to babysit me, right?
ozz6979: looking for another one
missyyounow: hehe
ozz6979: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bk2JDbPjth8
ozz6979: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iqVaLBLlcc4
missyyounow: i’m watching idina perform “my strongest suit”
missyyounow: that song is sooooooooooo me
missyyounow: she even looks like i used to
missyyounow: hehe
missyyounow: it makes me laugh
ozz6979: sends the link
missyyounow: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d28Aq4twaVY
missyyounow: you watch that…if u ever saw me in bar…that was me and the girls
missyyounow: hehe
missyyounow: u wouldnt have paid attention
ozz6979: lol
missyyounow: but yeah
missyyounow: just have to pic a skirt
missyyounow: my hair is thick and wavy like that
missyyounow: haha
missyyounow: too funny
missyyounow: all about the clothes and shoes
missyyounow: u took x…
missyyounow: u hump the couch too?
missyyounow: lol
ozz6979: maybe
missyyounow: you did didnt u
missyyounow: u didnt happen to take x on the same night u took viagra
missyyounow: damn
missyyounow: u’d be dangerous
missyyounow: hahaha
ozz6979: lol
missyyounow: smiles
missyyounow: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iMMUCFlpKfI
missyyounow: that’s what i was talking about
missyyounow: the other night
ozz6979: yea it is the song
missyyounow: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Na_muRTQ7qE
missyyounow: there ya go
missyyounow: smiles
ozz6979: lol
missyyounow: aww a cute train
ozz6979: i said i was ten
missyyounow: nope
missyyounow: zach will like it
missyyounow: will ignore the freudian references
missyyounow: hehe
ozz6979: this is freaking me out
missyyounow: hehe
missyyounow: muah! u r tooooooooo cute
ozz6979: winks
ozz6979: yep
missyyounow: its a lucas film
missyyounow: star wars lucas?
missyyounow: haha
missyyounow: that’s just sad
ozz6979: hahaha
missyyounow: have u ever seen star wars?
ozz6979: yea
missyyounow: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jnrCnJqjLY8
missyyounow: sry
missyyounow: a bit deep for u
missyyounow: my daddy would watch star wars with me over and over and over again when i was lil
missyyounow: please tell me u stopped watching that one several minutes ago
ozz6979: looking at another one
missyyounow: good
missyyounow: i was worried u would need therapy after “groovy train”
missyyounow: george lucas in love was worst
ozz6979: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IVDblt158Cg
missyyounow: friend of urs?
missyyounow: no
missyyounow: that’s how u dance
ozz6979: no but it is sooo funny
missyyounow: hehehe
missyyounow: hehe
missyyounow: shit
missyyounow: ignoring eric too
ozz6979: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uQ8MMXy2HCI
missyyounow: yep
missyyounow: u need one of those hats
missyyounow: beanies
ozz6979: yeah!
ozz6979: here ya go
ozz6979: go fast vid
missyyounow: find artic monkeys…”bet u look good on the dance floor”
missyyounow: i cant find the video
ozz6979: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0forY8kYR2E
missyyounow: that what my boy wants to do?
missyyounow: those kind of cars?
missyyounow: shhhhh… dancing
missyyounow: smiles
ozz6979: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zS0kXBEVXIU
ozz6979: best one i found
ozz6979: lol funny
missyyounow: that’s a good song to dance to
missyyounow: smiles
ozz6979: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qMUZZ7eSTcc
ozz6979: hear ya go
ozz6979: he’s even singing
missyyounow: lol
missyyounow: good lyrics
missyyounow: hehe
missyyounow: further down on that page…what the hell is dancing twats??
missyyounow: do we want to know???
missyyounow: smiles
missyyounow: thanks for staying aslan
ozz6979: u going
missyyounow: smiles
missyyounow: never
missyyounow: just checking to see if it was ok i was still on
missyyounow: with u
missyyounow: u will feel comfortable one day
missyyounow: to tell me to leave, right?
missyyounow: smiles
ozz6979: ?
missyyounow: they havent brought meds yet
missyyounow: i think they forget
missyyounow: i just get strange
missyyounow: it hurts aslan
missyyounow: pointless to complain i know
missyyounow: wish dave and eric would leave it be
missyyounow: they must be ones looking at profile non-stop
ozz6979: prob
missyyounow: or eric anyhow
missyyounow: dave just logs on
missyyounow: not gonna talk to either of them anymore
missyyounow: they were stupid to u
ozz6979: looking for a vid of a car like my old one
missyyounow: what kind?
ozz6979: my gti
missyyounow: yeah
missyyounow: i knew it was three letters
missyyounow: smiles
ozz6979: still looking for a good one
missyyounow: its ok
missyyounow: very dizzy and trying to breathe through pain
missyyounow: i’m   k
ozz6979: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fdhjjo5ZQFM
ozz6979: here’s a good one
missyyounow: u get to take passengers when u go
missyyounow: i had dream about driving i think
ozz6979: that was just normal driving
missyyounow: and morgan was billionaire
missyyounow: no
missyyounow: hunny
ozz6979: that is how i drove my gti always
missyyounow: am i make no sense?
missyyounow: it is ur race car too
missyyounow: u showed pics
missyyounow: i have memory
ozz6979: yea
ozz6979: mine sounded just like that
missyyounow: u never get passengers for race though
missyyounow: i like the sound
missyyounow: it shifts
missyyounow: shifts are fun
ozz6979: you can  have passengers in rally race
missyyounow: smiles
missyyounow: what is rally race
missyyounow: u told me or i dreamt
missyyounow: idk
missyyounow: i think they forgot pain meds
missyyounow: idk if i can walk to door
missyyounow: it is far
ozz6979: easy baby they will be back
missyyounow: tell me rally race
ozz6979: this is the next one
missyyounow: smiles
missyyounow: i am fine
ozz6979: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1MDkwBdPOI0
missyyounow: take ur girl…she will like
missyyounow: fast and cars and u
missyyounow: smiles
missyyounow: ooo
missyyounow: pretty car and stick shift
missyyounow: straight away?
missyyounow: curves?
missyyounow: course?
ozz6979: all curves
ozz6979: and dirt
missyyounow: smiles
ozz6979: or snow covered
missyyounow: u can do dirt driving
missyyounow: smiles
missyyounow: u get a new gti?
missyyounow: u had one
missyyounow: problems with title
missyyounow: i remember
missyyounow: u got one now?
ozz6979: no
missyyounow: where is the course?
ozz6979: but i want a newer one
ozz6979: a r32
missyyounow: like one u show me pics of
missyyounow: i like
missyyounow: i like fishtails
missyyounow: hehe
missyyounow: out of control
missyyounow: kinda fun
missyyounow: on the edge is fun
missyyounow: when the back end spins in arc
missyyounow: but u dont slow down
missyyounow: on the edge
missyyounow: it is fun
missyyounow: i used to scream…but scream giggle
missyyounow: u know?
ozz6979: lol yeah
missyyounow: scary but fun scary
missyyounow: heart pounding
missyyounow: smiles
missyyounow: i make no sense
missyyounow: i had dream morgan was nephew of billionaire
missyyounow: and wore a tux
missyyounow: not recent dream
missyyounow: i have memory of dream
ozz6979: lol
missyyounow: no dreams lately
missyyounow: blank
ozz6979: i’m sry
missyyounow: how much R32?
ozz6979: 25k
missyyounow: wow
missyyounow: u saving for it now?
ozz6979: yea
missyyounow: i like silver one
missyyounow: black is good
missyyounow: u at grandparents for thanksgiving?
missyyounow: u have boys?
ozz6979: moms
ozz6979: and no
missyyounow: sry scattered
missyyounow: thoughts
missyyounow: they bring meds soon
missyyounow: i was suppost to have at 6:30
missyyounow: right?
ozz6979: i think so
missyyounow: i’m not being mean though, right?
ozz6979: nope
missyyounow: good
missyyounow: u see
missyyounow: i was horrible over weekend
missyyounow: i am mean to people
missyyounow: always
ozz6979: your fine
missyyounow: aslan makes me smile
missyyounow: he talks to me
missyyounow: smiles
missyyounow: he didnt leave
missyyounow: maybe i had to skip and they bring next dose at 10:30
missyyounow: this isnt so very far
missyyounow: u need to go to bed soon
missyyounow: u work
ozz6979: yea
missyyounow: i will wait up for my next dose
missyyounow: and it takes only 30 mins to work
missyyounow: i promised u i’d get out
missyyounow: i broke that promise
missyyounow: i stay here
missyyounow: i know here
missyyounow: i dont have even dave’s anymore
missyyounow: i stay here
missyyounow: i broke promise
missyyounow: sry
missyyounow: they say i am aggitated…they come to take aslan…
missyyounow: come to take and tie down
ozz6979: ok babe
missyyounow: i’m sry
ozz6979: have a good night
missyyounow: i am aggitated at u?
missyyounow: i’m sry
ozz6979: shit not that kind
missyyounow: i thought i sat quiet
missyyounow: ???
ozz6979: so did i
missyyounow: i’m sry
missyyounow: i sat quiet but monitor loudly
missyyounow: heart lloudly
missyyounow: they take this way now
missyyounow: i go
missyyounow: 15 hrs again
ozz6979: relax babe
missyyounow: again
missyyounow: i sry
ozz6979: i’ll talk to u later i guess
missyyounow: ji;llllllf
missyyounow: plesseeeee
missyyounow: sry
missyyounow: i didnt want
missyyounow: they realized
ozz6979: Your IM has been sent to my mobile device. When I receive it, I will be able to reply. Thanks for your IM! Want your IMs forwarded to your phone? Click here
missyyounow: i am fine
missyyounow: i knew u maybe might be worried
missyyounow: maybe
missyyounow: i am ok
missyyounow: people make mistakes
missyyounow: they get me meds and my monitor will go down
missyyounow: i be fine
missyyounow: sry
missyyounow: maybe u worry or maybe not
missyyounow: i am superman
missyyounow: i shake…so i sleep now…or soon…ok
missyyounow: it get scary sometimes but it is fine
Wednesday, November 22, 2006
5:58 PM
ozz6979: hello u
missyyounow: hey
ozz6979: happy early thanksgiving
missyyounow: u too
missyyounow: drinking night!
missyyounow: w00t
ozz6979: winks
missyyounow: take ur advil with u please!!!
ozz6979: lol
missyyounow: stop at some point and drink water
missyyounow: smiles
missyyounow: the fri is fun night too
ozz6979: i broke my leg a year from fri
missyyounow: it is always 3 wk of month
missyyounow: pfft
missyyounow: no wait
missyyounow: shit
missyyounow: have no calendar
missyyounow: have no clue
ozz6979: lol
missyyounow: everyones fiance is in town though
missyyounow: maybe that’s it
missyyounow: i forget
missyyounow: nope
missyyounow: 3rd week
missyyounow: blah
ozz6979: third thursday
missyyounow: hehe
missyyounow: nvm
ozz6979: lol
missyyounow: u don’t get ref.
missyyounow: by friday i’m good
missyyounow: wednesday
missyyounow: blah
ozz6979: lol
ozz6979: wed is hump day
missyyounow: hehe
missyyounow: winks
missyyounow: silly silly aslan
missyyounow: i apologize if u saw my profile b4 or last night
missyyounow: i have removed comment 2 times
missyyounow: i am private again too
ozz6979: removed what comment?
missyyounow: u didnt see
missyyounow: 47 people did
missyyounow: idk who they were
ozz6979: idk
missyyounow: sry
ozz6979: ?
missyyounow: i disappeared for 5 mins and u didnt miss me
missyyounow: ouch!
missyyounow: hehe
ozz6979: lol
missyyounow: i’m gonna take a walk to the end of the bed tonight
missyyounow: w00t
ozz6979: lol]
missyyounow: i havent been able to stand very well
missyyounow: get light headed
missyyounow: and wobbly
missyyounow: it is funny looking i bet
ozz6979: nah
ozz6979: i doubt that
ozz6979: so whatcxha thinking
missyyounow: what i wanna drink
ozz6979: what are the choices
missyyounow: carrie used to order something called seven slutty sicilians
missyyounow: no
missyyounow: i meant at the bar
ozz6979: oh
ozz6979: lol
missyyounow: i imagined for a moment i was at a bar
missyyounow: something tequila, but healthy, right?
missyyounow: (b/c i am sick afterall)
ozz6979: lol
missyyounow: a wild thing
ozz6979: royal flush
missyyounow: its got cranbery juice
missyyounow: or
missyyounow: a brain hemorragh
missyyounow: hehe
missyyounow: i had one of those
missyyounow: just not the drink
missyyounow: i want one with 6 different types of alcohol
missyyounow: NOW
missyyounow: my pain meds come at 6:30
missyyounow: since i haven’t technically had any
missyyounow: for hours
missyyounow: i could drink for the next 15 mins
missyyounow: (just incase they forget tonights too)
ozz6979: lol
missyyounow: they forgot a dose this morning too
missyyounow: oh
missyyounow: just bring me a sampling
ozz6979: hahaha ok
missyyounow: i want a Woo-Woo!
missyyounow: that sounds fun, doesn’t it?
missyyounow: and yet
ozz6979: lol
missyyounow: it is healthy with two kinds of fruit
missyyounow: Cranberry Juice
missyyounow: and Peach Schnapps
missyyounow: -D
ozz6979: royal flush
missyyounow: Fat Ho on a Bike
missyyounow: THAT ONE!!!
missyyounow:   Fat Ho on a Bike  1 oz. Amaretto 2 oz. Cola 1 oz. Tequila
ozz6979: crown cranvberry and  peach
missyyounow:   nope
missyyounow:   Fat Ho on a Bike
missyyounow:   lets do tequila tonight
missyyounow:   lots and lots
missyyounow:   but i like orange or lime instead of lemon with my shots
missyyounow:   ok?
missyyounow:   i’m weird like that
missyyounow:   hehe
missyyounow:   an orgasm would be nice
missyyounow:   2 oz. Vodka 2 oz. Amaretto 2 oz. Kahlua 2 oz. Light Cream
missyyounow: kahlua is bad… i remember kahlua and kamikazis on my 21st
missyyounow: (among other things)
missyyounow: oooo
missyyounow:   Test Tube Baby  1/2 oz. Amaretto 1/2 oz. Tequila 2 dashes of Cream
ozz6979: sry was on phone
missyyounow:   ur fine
missyyounow:   i’m playing
missyyounow:   i know aslan…
missyyounow:   i do
missyyounow:   just happy when u can talk
missyyounow:   u have fun
ozz6979: ?
missyyounow:   shhhh
missyyounow:   i was playing
missyyounow:   u could walk away for days
missyyounow:   i’d still talk
missyyounow:   hehe
missyyounow:   to myself
missyyounow:   its fine
ozz6979: lol
missyyounow:   biding time till meds
missyyounow:   no tying down tho
missyyounow:   ok?
ozz6979: yea
missyyounow:   amaretto  tequila and cranberry juice
missyyounow:   its not their fault aslan
missyyounow:   they are understaffed
missyyounow:   its ok… really
missyyounow:   ok?
ozz6979: what is
missyyounow:   jumping to wrong conclusions and over reacting
missyyounow:   tying me when i dont do bad
missyyounow:   people make mistakes
missyyounow:   it happens
missyyounow:   then i get this back
missyyounow:   always
missyyounow:   eventually
missyyounow:   i’m fine
missyyounow:   and they get me meds when they can
missyyounow:   i dont fuss
missyyounow:   i complained to u and shouldnt have
missyyounow:   i was being silly
missyyounow:   dr. blah visited today
ozz6979: stop ok
ozz6979: no more about this or that complaining crap
missyyounow:   ur mad
missyyounow:   sry
missyyounow:   u have fun tonight
ozz6979: we talk no reason to be upset about what we talk about
missyyounow:   bagel
ozz6979: if it bothers u tell me and we will change subject
ozz6979: ok
missyyounow:   u r good to me
missyyounow:   smiles
missyyounow:   i cant dwell there
missyyounow:   monitor goes faster
missyyounow:   so we change subjects
missyyounow:   smiles
missyyounow:   there are more penguine movies out?
missyyounow:   one was not enough?
ozz6979: lol
missyyounow:   he was in my room for over an hr
missyyounow:   just talking
missyyounow:   i think i fell to sleep at some point
missyyounow:   but shelby said he was here the full time
missyyounow:   some chicken spots disappear
missyyounow:   i didnt scratch
missyyounow:   much
missyyounow:   i think i would like tequila tonight
ozz6979: lol
missyyounow:   i am tired now aslan
missyyounow:   they will bring my meds soon
missyyounow:   and i will sleep
missyyounow:   ok?
missyyounow:   u have fun
missyyounow:   lots and lots
missyyounow:   ok?
ozz6979: ok
missyyounow:   and dance
missyyounow:   even if no one else is
missyyounow:   it is fun
missyyounow:   i am tired
missyyounow:   i go to sleep
ozz6979: ok
missyyounow:   they will wqakee wth meds
missyyounow:   its ok
missyyounow:   smiles
missyyounow:   i saw dr. blah today
missyyounow:   g’night…sweet dreams
ozz6979: sweet dreams hun
7:11 PM
missyyounow:   smiles
missyyounow:   sometimes aslan
missyyounow:   sometimes the pain is alot
missyyounow:   and the memories are hard
missyyounow:   i will be fine tho
missyyounow:   i m here
missyyounow:   they will get me meds soon
missyyounow:   i’m fine
missyyounow:   have nice Thanksgiving
missyyounow:   bring ur mom some french mints
missyyounow:   their yummy
missyyounow:   there*
missyyounow:   i don’t work open door mission this yr
missyyounow:   i will miss the old guys
missyyounow:   i work there with amanda every Thanksgiving
missyyounow:   i let them down this yr
missyyounow:   i told them i’d be back
missyyounow:   been there 4 yrs to serve Thanksgiving
missyyounow:   i brought the daisies for the line
missyyounow:   smiles
missyyounow:   it was stupid
missyyounow:   i know
missyyounow:   i thought they looked cheery
Thursday, November 23, 2006
11:12 AM
ozz6979: happy thankgiving
missyyounow: I am online, but may be away from my computer right now.
missyyounow:   smiles
missyyounow:   happy thanksgiving love
ozz6979: dsmiles
ozz6979: do u get turkey today?
missyyounow:   i havent eaten real food in nearly month
missyyounow:   i’m fine
missyyounow:   just tired
ozz6979: sdweet good excuse for me to gorge
missyyounow:   hehe
missyyounow:   u do that
missyyounow:   ozz with a belly makes me smile lots
ozz6979: lol
missyyounow:   i’m tired aslan
missyyounow:   i sleep now
missyyounow:   ok
missyyounow:   in and out
ozz6979: ok
missyyounow:   not long enough for bad dreams
missyyounow:   it is easier to sleep at daylight
missyyounow:   ok?
missyyounow:   miss u
missyyounow:   have fun
ozz6979: i’m taking off soon so have a great day
missyyounow:   smiles
missyyounow:   u do too
7:56 PM
ozz6979: hey there
missyyounow: hi hunny
missyyounow: u had fun?
missyyounow: u say hi b4 going out again
ozz6979: stuffing my face
ozz6979: oh yea
missyyounow: mmmm
ozz6979: yea i had to stop home to do laundry before poker
ozz6979: so i figure i would dsay “hello”
missyyounow: u need to do laundry and awful lot
missyyounow: that was nice
missyyounow: smiles
missyyounow: i woke up 20 mins ago
missyyounow: it is dark now
ozz6979: how wads ur nap
missyyounow: i dont sleep long
missyyounow: how was the food
ozz6979: good
missyyounow: you changed your mind about what you were typing?
missyyounow: haha
ozz6979: i was trying to unstick the s and the d
missyyounow: but i like the sd and ds version of spelling
ozz6979: lpl
ozz6979: lol
missyyounow: naw
missyyounow: any letter and i am please
missyyounow: pleased*
missyyounow: i dreamed u sent me one
missyyounow: hehe
missyyounow: that is silly
missyyounow: u sent me one and the letters were still miss written
missyyounow: hehe
missyyounow: guess you’ve had stuck keys for a while today or yesterday
missyyounow: i forget
ozz6979: yea
missyyounow: you gonna win big tonight
missyyounow: i feel it
ozz6979: i spolled drink on key board
missyyounow: ouch
ozz6979: nah not whole drink
ozz6979: just little but in sd area
missyyounow: in movies when that happens the keyboard smokes
missyyounow: hehe
missyyounow: i want a cigarette Aslan
missyyounow: i will be less nervous with one i think
ozz6979: hahaha
missyyounow: some people are just meant to be smokers
missyyounow: this is unnatural
ozz6979: probably maske you high
missyyounow: calms me down
ozz6979: lol
missyyounow: that first complete inhale
missyyounow: u know
missyyounow: takes the edge off
missyyounow: me
missyyounow: i have an edge
missyyounow: points
ozz6979: lol
missyyounow: hehe
missyyounow: guess what
missyyounow: i washed my hair and brushed it all the way through
missyyounow: (pfft…i was expecting chicken butt reply again)
missyyounow: it has been in knots for weeks i guess
missyyounow: which is kinda gross for you to hear
missyyounow: sry
missyyounow: the back part is, i think, 2 inches above waist
missyyounow: smiles
missyyounow: ok
missyyounow: good luck tonight
missyyounow: win big!!
ozz6979: really that is pretty long
ozz6979: sry all the talk about a smoke i had to get mine from car
missyyounow: tease
missyyounow: i want one
missyyounow: light me one!!!
missyyounow: i share urs
missyyounow: nvm
ozz6979: i’m not smoking for 2
missyyounow: i’ll share
ozz6979: i already ate for two
missyyounow: it has been nearly a year
missyyounow: good
missyyounow: u expecting?
missyyounow: (eating for 2)
ozz6979: yep
missyyounow: oh
missyyounow: ok
missyyounow: sry
missyyounow: or no
missyyounow: i’m happy for u?
missyyounow: idk
ozz6979: lol
ozz6979: huh
missyyounow: nvm
missyyounow: none of my business
ozz6979: it was a joke
missyyounow: i should have been at open door mission today
missyyounow: serving
ozz6979: pfft
ozz6979: shaking head
missyyounow: i think that’s the name of it
missyyounow: amanda’s church does it
missyyounow: its in the city
missyyounow: we fed homeless
ozz6979: thats the name of it
ozz6979: i know
missyyounow: i’d make pies
missyyounow: and bring daisies
missyyounow: they had decorations
missyyounow: but my daisies were fresh not plastic
missyyounow: i told them i’d be back
missyyounow: there’s so many aslan
missyyounow: i had no family and no place to go
missyyounow: it was nice to hear their stories and see the people smile
missyyounow: i miss that
missyyounow: smiling people
ozz6979: yea
missyyounow: ur mom cooked for whole family
ozz6979: and dad
missyyounow: or just ur immediate family and guests
missyyounow: i made the whole dinner my sr. year in high school
missyyounow: for my family
missyyounow: i’ve only made turkey 3 times
ozz6979: smiles
missyyounow: i make desserts
missyyounow: mainly
missyyounow: inhaling…feeling the warm smoke enter my throat and down into my lungs
missyyounow: eyes closed
missyyounow: shaking hand slows
missyyounow: exhale slowly
missyyounow: almost hypnotic
missyyounow: as it filters out
ozz6979: lol
missyyounow: fingers of smoke
missyyounow: curling this way and that
missyyounow: smiles
missyyounow: i will never understand guys
missyyounow: don’t need to
missyyounow: but i will never understand ur species
ozz6979: pfft were easy
ozz6979: women are the hard ones
missyyounow: then explain dave
missyyounow: explain the sweet memory he left
missyyounow: and the messages he sent u
missyyounow: explain why they can be so absolutely sweet that i grow dependent on them
missyyounow: and then they do something that rips my heart out
missyyounow: explain
missyyounow: b/c i can’t
ozz6979: whats to explain
missyyounow: explain why they are cold and cruel
missyyounow: i will never understand men
ozz6979: he obviously enjoyed his time with u
ozz6979: enough to want to marry u
missyyounow: i hadn’t had sex with him
missyyounow: at that point
missyyounow: no
missyyounow: i read
missyyounow: what u sent
ozz6979: well aperently u are the best in his opinion
missyyounow: at what
missyyounow: i’m the best at nothing aslan
ozz6979: u know what i am talking about
missyyounow: i just pay my dues
missyyounow: its expected
missyyounow: i pay
missyyounow: never met a guy where it wasnt expected
missyyounow: i will never understand guys
missyyounow: but it breaks my heart that he wrote that
missyyounow: b/c he seems sweet again
ozz6979: well
missyyounow: he’s not
missyyounow: i know
ozz6979: idk what to say
missyyounow: gary used to do the same thing
missyyounow: sweet i want to believe
missyyounow: but it doesnt exist
missyyounow: well not that kind
missyyounow: (present company excluded…u are different…filed differently in my mind)
missyyounow: just aslan
missyyounow: no explanation
missyyounow: just aslan
missyyounow: sry
missyyounow: just made no sense
missyyounow: i’m confused
missyyounow: want to go back…want to go forward
missyyounow: idk
missyyounow: back to that day he described
missyyounow: he made me sound like something
missyyounow: that i dont think i am really
missyyounow: but damn
missyyounow: she sounds good
missyyounow: hehe
ozz6979: u are something melissa
ozz6979: he knows it
missyyounow: no
missyyounow: not sex
ozz6979: he wants what we talked about
missyyounow: no
ozz6979: it is more than sex
ozz6979: that i know
missyyounow: you were mad at him
missyyounow: you are mad at him
ozz6979: but u don’t feel comfortable with him and that he needs to accept
missyyounow: i cant do no more aslan
missyyounow: i’m not with u
ozz6979: just stating how it looks to me
missyyounow: but i am behind u
missyyounow: no one talks badly to u or about u
missyyounow: i can do without
missyyounow: the fighting
missyyounow: i’m not good at the fighting
ozz6979: not fighting
missyyounow: i can’t fix
ozz6979: not upset or anything just talking
missyyounow: i know if i werent in the way
missyyounow: you guys would all be great friends
missyyounow: not u and me
ozz6979: oh
missyyounow: ur parents ever fight aslan
missyyounow: when u were lil?
ozz6979: all the time
missyyounow: ever wanna hide?
missyyounow: i was oldest
missyyounow: they would use me to repeat things to each other
missyyounow: i couldnt do
missyyounow: i love both parents
missyyounow: not one more than other
missyyounow: but you guys
missyyounow: i love u
missyyounow: they bad mouth or just posturing about u
missyyounow: it hurts me
missyyounow: all i have
ozz6979: babe i am a live and let live guy
ozz6979: i am not upset anymore at them
missyyounow: none of u seem to understand
ozz6979: just choose not to talk with em if possible
missyyounow: i dont talk either
missyyounow: told eric not to come in town
missyyounow: it was just silly anyhow
missyyounow: he can’t see me
ozz6979: he wrote me asking if u were ok
missyyounow: u can ignore them
missyyounow: i’m sooooo sry
ozz6979: its ok
missyyounow: that they caused u grief
ozz6979: tghey are concerned for some reason
ozz6979: for u
missyyounow: i am here
ozz6979: i said u were ok
ozz6979: thats all
missyyounow: i saw dr. blah
missyyounow: i have shadows
ozz6979: and happy thanksgiving
missyyounow: i dont look at
missyyounow: and sleep during day today
missyyounow: oh
missyyounow: u gotta go
ozz6979: no thats what i said to eric
missyyounow: you’ve wished me happy thanksgiving dozens of times
missyyounow: oh
ozz6979: lol
ozz6979: hr went through hypnosis with u?
missyyounow: i sent u pic again for comment… it was funny
missyyounow: i only send funny pics when i think u will laugh
missyyounow: u never have to put things up
missyyounow: trust me
missyyounow: i know
missyyounow: its okay aslan
missyyounow: i’ve got no choice anymore
missyyounow: i woke up and found that i was tied down
missyyounow: i will be fine
missyyounow: i always am
missyyounow: i get my computer back
ozz6979: just seems cruel
missyyounow: and i am fine
missyyounow: look
missyyounow: i’ve got a computer
missyyounow: he points that out to me
missyyounow: always
missyyounow: i dont have to have this
ozz6979: yea and he should have people watching him
missyyounow: i miss people smiling aslan
ozz6979: fucking walking the line of malpractice
missyyounow: u see it like me?
missyyounow: do u see it like me aslan?
ozz6979: ?
missyyounow: there was a time when i was good
missyyounow: and might have come out
missyyounow: each month here
missyyounow: that vanished
missyyounow: i go inside my head and i fool myself sometimes
missyyounow: and think
missyyounow: maybe the sisters would take me in
missyyounow: or maybe i could make things work with dave
missyyounow: i could try to make him happy
missyyounow: but
missyyounow: i’ve been getting sicker
missyyounow: i know u know
missyyounow: i just want u to know i know too
missyyounow: i didnt take it seriously at first
missyyounow: it was game to play along with
missyyounow: i didnt realize
missyyounow: now i have no choice
missyyounow: and its ok
missyyounow: he is known
missyyounow: the sounds are known
missyyounow: blood work
missyyounow: medicine
missyyounow: its ok aslan
missyyounow: i am off the street and cant hurt no one
ozz6979: trying to understand what ur talking about
missyyounow: so the highest hand in poker is?
ozz6979: sry on the phone
ozz6979: royal flush
ozz6979: ace king queen jack ten suited
missyyounow: the whole world aslan
missyyounow: i want u to have the whole world and be sooooo very happy always
missyyounow: smiles
ozz6979: i’m trying
missyyounow: i need to close my eyes
missyyounow: holiday staff forgets medicine for me
missyyounow: they are short staffed
missyyounow: 2 hrs and 18 mins late
missyyounow: i dont wanna look aggitated
missyyounow: happy thanksgiving!!!
missyyounow: i hope u have tomorrow off too!
missyyounow: don’t forget ur advil and water
ozz6979: i could have but i choose to work
missyyounow: smiles
missyyounow: u r amazing
missyyounow: always
missyyounow: u make me smile
missyyounow: is it ok if i talk to dave
missyyounow: he wrote something nice about me
missyyounow: nvm
missyyounow: i’m confused
missyyounow: idk what to do with him
ozz6979: yeA
ozz6979: why wouldn’t it be
missyyounow: i dont know wht to do
missyyounow: ok
ozz6979: just like i said babe
ozz6979: follow ur heart
missyyounow: imagine he wrote that stuff about another one of ur feamle friends
missyyounow: who isnt me
ozz6979: baby  i have never nor will i say who u can or should talk to
missyyounow: i think it make sorld of diff.
ozz6979: your a grown women
missyyounow: when it is me
missyyounow: i am an inmate
missyyounow: lol
missyyounow: sry
missyyounow: closing eyes
ozz6979: opk hunny
missyyounow: closing mouth
missyyounow: i get mean without pain killers
missyyounow: i’m sry
ozz6979: lol
missyyounow: i’m soooo sry
ozz6979: nah ur fine
missyyounow: there are shadows aslan
missyyounow: shadows and no pain killers
missyyounow: ok?
missyyounow: what is the longest i have fought shadows off?
missyyounow: do u remember
missyyounow: idk
missyyounow: there is no one here
missyyounow: to hold my hand
ozz6979: days
missyyounow: and walk me through shadows
missyyounow: i dont like them
missyyounow: i’m being stupid
missyyounow: ik
missyyounow: and annoying
missyyounow: if i had a cigarette i’d be better
missyyounow: smiles
ozz6979: liol
missyyounow: i hate this
missyyounow: u dont know how scary this is
missyyounow: no one does
missyyounow: i hate this
ozz6979: i’m sry babe
ozz6979: wish there wqas something i could do
missyyounow: shhhhh
missyyounow: shhhhh
missyyounow: i’ll be fine
missyyounow: i always am
missyyounow: a bit of stupid drama
missyyounow: it passes
missyyounow: always
missyyounow: right?
missyyounow: smiles
missyyounow: you always make me smile
missyyounow: you do do things
missyyounow: always
missyyounow: u talked to me last feb
missyyounow: and kept right on talking to me
missyyounow: u r a good friend
missyyounow: smiles
missyyounow: u win big
missyyounow: take everyones money
missyyounow: (though u seem to be a bit obsessed with royal flushes, b/c i do believe u wanted me to drink one last night)
missyyounow: hehe
missyyounow: have fun
missyyounow: all i want in this world
missyyounow: thinking of YOU having the best time of your life!!!!
missyyounow: -D
ozz6979: smiles
ozz6979: sweet dreams melissa
missyyounow: thank you
missyyounow: sweet winnings aslan!
ozz6979: winks
missyyounow: oooo
Sunday, November 26, 2006
11:43 AM
missyyounow: ok…so i hve a stupid-ass grin on my face
ozz6979: lol
missyyounow: ur fault
ozz6979: for what?
ozz6979: my fault?
ozz6979: oh oh
ozz6979: well i do like your grin becuadse it is normally momentsd from a smile
missyyounow: u type to fast
ozz6979: whats up with the time stamps?
ozz6979: my “lol” was a min after your comment but it pos6ted before yours?
missyyounow: u’ve always been like that
ozz6979: like what?
missyyounow: anticipating
missyyounow: ur good like that
missyyounow: hehe
ozz6979: smiles
ozz6979: so how has ur weekend been i looked for u yesterday afternoon but you wern’t around
missyyounow: i was
missyyounow: the computer was on
missyyounow: no wait
missyyounow: u were here?
ozz6979: i saw that but u wern’t around
missyyounow: just talk
missyyounow: i come back
missyyounow: ur the tough one remember?
ozz6979: oh yeah
missyyounow: i got tired of talking to other ppl
missyyounow: smiles
missyyounow: 3 diff people have commented about shit-ass grin on my face today
missyyounow: must look drunk
ozz6979: why
missyyounow: i was just floating in a memory
ozz6979: what is the grin for
missyyounow: not real specific one either
missyyounow: just u popped in my head
missyyounow: nothing bad
missyyounow: just u
missyyounow: nothing specific
missyyounow: and i smiled
ozz6979: smiles
missyyounow: i lost a day
missyyounow: that’s funny
missyyounow: hang on
missyyounow: uploaded 6.0…idk if i can hide in this one
missyyounow: but can’t carry on two conversations
missyyounow: nvm…eye doesnt close
missyyounow: grr
ozz6979: who is trying to talk with you that u don’t want
ozz6979: nvm none of my buisness
missyyounow: dave
missyyounow: i talk with him
missyyounow: its ok
missyyounow: everything me is always ur business
missyyounow: aslan
missyyounow: u r my best friend
missyyounow: u know all things me
missyyounow: right?
ozz6979: it is ur decision
missyyounow: shhh
missyyounow: no wait
ozz6979: u tell me if u want me to know
missyyounow: what r u talking about
missyyounow: if u were on i’d tell u
missyyounow: u werent on
missyyounow: hehe
ozz6979: tel me what?
missyyounow:
ozz6979 (12:00:46 PM): u tell me if u want me to know
ozz6979: alright nvm
missyyounow:
i tell u everything
missyyounow:
aslan
ozz6979: i know
missyyounow:
whats up?
missyyounow:
talk
ozz6979: the ceiling
missyyounow:
b/c ur making me feel weird
ozz6979: the clouds
missyyounow:
like i’m doing something bad
missyyounow:
again
ozz6979: some stars that i can’t see at the moment
missyyounow:
avoidance
missyyounow:
ok
ozz6979: lol
ozz6979: giving phycolocal terms now?
missyyounow:
u wanna distance for some reason and not tell me whats on my time
ozz6979: huh
missyyounow:
i know
missyyounow:
shit
missyyounow:
(shut up dave!!!)
missyyounow:
hehe
missyyounow:
sry
missyyounow:
half of what i wanted to say to u
missyyounow:
half of what i wanted to respond to him
ozz6979: lol
ozz6979: ok
ozz6979: i just was home for a bit and u were on thats all
missyyounow:
u wanna distance for some reason and not tell me whats on ur mind
missyyounow:
o
missyyounow:
ur leaving
missyyounow:
k
ozz6979: i looked but it said u werwe signed off
missyyounow:
distance
missyyounow:
6.0 it doesnt matter
missyyounow:
u can send me something if i am here or not
missyyounow:
am i here?
missyyounow:
or i look signed off?
missyyounow:
b/c i see me
ozz6979: u look signed off
missyyounow:
ha
missyyounow:
the eyeball works?
missyyounow:
i am here
ozz6979: idk
ozz6979: i have triton
missyyounow:
how was ur weekend
missyyounow:
be as vague as ur wish
ozz6979: lol
missyyounow:
i think i’ve got it now
missyyounow:
u r pushing off?
ozz6979: u think to much
missyyounow:
haha
missyyounow:
its funny
missyyounow:
b/c i try to think and things are fuzzy
ozz6979: i went to a party on fri night
missyyounow:
yay!
ozz6979: it was pretty fun
ozz6979: lot of eople
ozz6979: people*
missyyounow:
(and remembered his advil and water)
ozz6979: nah i didn’t get that drunk
missyyounow:
had a dream
missyyounow:
i walked into a bar
missyyounow:
and saw u
missyyounow:
u didnt see me
ozz6979: i felt really old when i was playing ass hole
missyyounow:
its ok
missyyounow:
?
missyyounow:
u know games i do not
ozz6979: card drinking game
missyyounow:
i think that is a game
missyyounow:
hehe
missyyounow:
why would u drink cards
ozz6979: i wasn’t paying attention and when i looked over teddy gieger was sitting next to me
missyyounow:
teddy who?
ozz6979: teen super star
missyyounow:
u were hanging with teenagers?
ozz6979: but he’s 18
ozz6979: no
missyyounow:
hehe
missyyounow:
i woke up on friday on saturday
ozz6979: why i felt old one of my friends little brothers showed up with his friends
missyyounow:
i lost a day
missyyounow:
hehe
missyyounow:
ouch
missyyounow:
idk if i could handle seeing my lil bro in a bar
ozz6979: idk
ozz6979: i was in bars with adam all the time
ozz6979: so it isn’t really a shock to him being there
missyyounow:
alex is way younger than me
ozz6979: shoch seeing him out
missyyounow:
ur irish twins
missyyounow:
shit
missyyounow:
he told u?
missyyounow:
aslan…
missyyounow:
u werent around
missyyounow:
i thought maybe u and ur girl went away for the weekend
missyyounow:
i couldn’t reach u
missyyounow:
u werent really on
missyyounow:
talk
missyyounow:
please?
ozz6979: i was home for a half hour but your idle time was like four hours
ozz6979: and u had some wierd away
missyyounow:
?
missyyounow:
look
missyyounow:
look on the profile
missyyounow:
idk
missyyounow:
i am single
missyyounow:
i stay single
ozz6979: ?
missyyounow:
he told u
missyyounow:
he just said he told u
missyyounow:
fuck
ozz6979: he wrote something but like i told u i listen to u
missyyounow:
idk if it is indifference from u? u pushing off? or hurt b/c i didn’t say anything first
missyyounow:
but u didnt ask
missyyounow:
u read and didnt ask
missyyounow:
whatever he said
missyyounow:
listen
ozz6979: melissa i listen to u
missyyounow:
let me know
ozz6979: ?
missyyounow:
u hear things
missyyounow:
listen
missyyounow:
i was tied down thanksgiving night
missyyounow:
they dont always give me my meds
missyyounow:
they said i was hostile
missyyounow:
whatever
missyyounow:
i was in pain
missyyounow:
i had gone 11 hrs
ozz6979: i know
missyyounow:
i was in pain
ozz6979: i got ur note
missyyounow:
i dont think i was hostile
missyyounow:
but
missyyounow:
they say i was
missyyounow:
then i woke up and it was saturday
missyyounow:
i could hear things in my sleep
missyyounow:
lots of people talking and moving me in my dreams
missyyounow:
but i lost a day
missyyounow:
aslan
missyyounow:
please
missyyounow:
i cant be tied down christmas eve
missyyounow:
please baby
missyyounow:
please?
ozz6979: what can i do?
missyyounow:
jake knows
missyyounow:
the guy who called me black widow spider patient
missyyounow:
he says
missyyounow:
i have been doing on my own
missyyounow:
i dont ask for help and i should have
missyyounow:
i should have last spring
missyyounow:
asked for help
missyyounow:
maybe people are sincere, maybe they can do the things they say they can
missyyounow:
maybe their full of shit
missyyounow:
idk
missyyounow:
derek is leaving for boston soon
missyyounow:
but he says by any means necessary
missyyounow:
i wrote to sister mary therese
missyyounow:
i said yes to dave
missyyounow:
i said yes to jake
missyyounow:
and pete
missyyounow:
it is a game show
ozz6979: idk who pete is
missyyounow:
resident
missyyounow:
or intern
missyyounow:
idk
ozz6979: yes to what?
missyyounow:
every favor has dues
missyyounow:
i know
missyyounow:
but
missyyounow:
anyone with a way to get me outta here
missyyounow:
a real way
missyyounow:
u gotta figure they like me a little if they even bother, right?
missyyounow:
the people who dont care will say they can do all this stuff and then they will do nothing
missyyounow:
right
missyyounow:
if i matter enough to someone to go through problems of getting me out
missyyounow:
if i matter enough to anyone
missyyounow:
then
missyyounow:
whatever
missyyounow:
for however long they want
missyyounow:
dues is worth it
missyyounow:
i can do this
missyyounow:
its survival aslan
missyyounow:
there has got to be someone out there who cares enough maybe
missyyounow:
and if there isn’t
missyyounow:
if this is all fake on their part
missyyounow:
i am no worse than i was b4
missyyounow:
i just cant be restrained on christmas eve
missyyounow:
please?
missyyounow:
please?
missyyounow:
it may all just be kind words
missyyounow:
but jake is right
missyyounow:
i have tried on my own
missyyounow:
everything in my power
missyyounow:
and i didn’t get anywhere
missyyounow:
just got worse
missyyounow:
he says there’s no way i can be out by x-mas eve
missyyounow:
someone maybe does care for me
missyyounow:
and if they do
missyyounow:
i can do the payment
missyyounow:
i can
ozz6979: that thought process rite there is what got u there in the first place
missyyounow:
u think i should stay?
ozz6979: no
missyyounow:
for some reason u think this is where i belong?
missyyounow:
ok
ozz6979: i think u shouldn’t have the expectation of owing anyone anything
missyyounow:
no favor comes without dues
missyyounow:
geez
missyyounow:
u buy a girl a drink in a bar…it is with the hope of…
missyyounow:
or she buys u a drink…she isn’t doing it just to be nice
missyyounow:
people arent that way
missyyounow:
if someone is willing to go through the trouble
missyyounow:
i’m not much of a reward
missyyounow:
but still
missyyounow:
game show
missyyounow:
first one to get me out
missyyounow:
gets
missyyounow:
“the prize”
missyyounow:
whatever that may be
missyyounow:
i will be content if it is sister mary-therese
missyyounow:
and sisters of mercy
missyyounow:
i will be content if it is dave
missyyounow:
or jake
missyyounow:
if they do something
missyyounow:
they’ve already proved i’m something to them
missyyounow:
alot more than a bar pick-up of effort
missyyounow:
i am single tho
missyyounow:
not being stupid no more
ozz6979: i’m going to watch football
ozz6979: idk what to say to u about all this
ozz6979: if u can get out great do it
missyyounow:
u said that to me
missyyounow:
i have memory
missyyounow:
u and derek said similar thing
ozz6979: yea i did
ozz6979: do whatever you have to to get out
missyyounow:
its all fuzzy
missyyounow:
aslan
missyyounow:
its not going to work
missyyounow:
u know that right?
missyyounow:
survival
ozz6979: just becuae u promise something doesn’t mean u have to follow through
missyyounow:
that’s not who i am
missyyounow:
and if i dont “follow through”
missyyounow:
where do i go?
missyyounow:
idk what he told u
missyyounow:
but he is well aware
missyyounow:
it is whoever gets me out
missyyounow:
i cant be tied down on x-mas eve
missyyounow:
it is coming aslan
missyyounow:
it is
missyyounow:
no one should be tied down on thanksgiving
missyyounow:
i wasnt hostile
missyyounow:
i was in pain
missyyounow:
ok
missyyounow:
alright
missyyounow:
he is right
missyyounow:
u pushed off
missyyounow:
sry
ozz6979: whatever
missyyounow:
sry
ozz6979: i’m going to watch football
missyyounow:
have fun
ozz6979: thanx
missyyounow:
be happy
missyyounow:
all i ever wanted
ozz6979: let me give u a big hint , every other girlk i have ever met usespeople to get what they want for gain without always giving themselves for payment, think about that
Monday, November 27, 2006
5:30 PM
missyyounow: just smile aslan…
missyyounow: that is all
ozz6979: hey there
ozz6979: i just got out of the shower
missyyounow: oooo
missyyounow: no wait
missyyounow: that is an odd comment
missyyounow: nvm…don’t know why i did that
ozz6979: lol
ozz6979: unfortunatly i am leaving in a min
missyyounow: we are good friends you and i
missyyounow: you make me smile
ozz6979: of course we are
missyyounow: idk why
missyyounow: just the effect u have on me
missyyounow: i’ve lost pieces
missyyounow: u r a nice feeling though
missyyounow: smiles
ozz6979: lol
missyyounow: u have fun
ozz6979: thanx
missyyounow: it is nice feeling aslan
missyyounow: i dont think i’ve had b4
missyyounow: it is nice
missyyounow: completely safe and very sweet
ozz6979: smiles
missyyounow: this is better
missyyounow: i will stay here
missyyounow: smiling
missyyounow: u will visit sometime?
ozz6979: sure
missyyounow: smiles
missyyounow: i like
missyyounow: we are friends
missyyounow: smiles
missyyounow: i am confused…but happy…just here
Tuesday, November 28, 2006
5:04 PM
ozz6979: hey you
ozz6979: smiles
missyyounow: hi handsome
ozz6979: hows your day going?
missyyounow: i think i spell that word wrong
missyyounow: smiles
missyyounow: told u
missyyounow: i use u mercilessly
missyyounow: didnt mean to
ozz6979: lol
missyyounow: scared
missyyounow: but went away
ozz6979: good
missyyounow: ur voice
missyyounow: talking to me
missyyounow: i actually checked around the room to make sure u didnt stow away
missyyounow: hehe
ozz6979: lol
missyyounow: u tell me to relax alot
missyyounow: how was ur day?
missyyounow: did u smile lots?
ozz6979: ok
missyyounow: i hope so
ozz6979: it was boring
missyyounow: i’m sry
missyyounow: let’s see
missyyounow: i could try to juggle
missyyounow: will that add excitement
missyyounow: ??
ozz6979: lol
ozz6979: nah
missyyounow: u will find something to do i’m sure
missyyounow: smiles
ozz6979: smiles
missyyounow: holy goodness…
missyyounow: 43 people looked at my profile
missyyounow: i dont think i have 43 friends
missyyounow: hehe
ozz6979: prob the same people looked at it ten times
missyyounow: why?
ozz6979: idk
missyyounow: dave’s at class and work
missyyounow: he’s not
missyyounow: eric’s met a girl
ozz6979: thats good
missyyounow: no one else has talked to me yet
missyyounow: he lives in ny
missyyounow: the girl works pxy in roch
missyyounow: hehe
ozz6979: lol
ozz6979: pour basterd cant escape this town
missyyounow: he wanted to?
ozz6979: it was a joke
missyyounow: oh
missyyounow: lol?
missyyounow: (u’ll explain it to me sometime…i am slow)
ozz6979: really?
missyyounow: now u are poking fun!
missyyounow: grrr
missyyounow: SMILES
ozz6979: lol
ozz6979: so what did u do today?
missyyounow: i’m listening to ur song now
missyyounow: i didnt know u did rage against the machine
missyyounow: i k someone did…just didnt think it was u
missyyounow: bit angry
missyyounow: for u
ozz6979: my music changes daily
missyyounow: what was it yesterday?
missyyounow: i dont like rap or country
missyyounow: if i do
missyyounow: there are very few titles i think
missyyounow: idk
missyyounow: i dont actually own music or no groups
missyyounow: i like hip hop
missyyounow: u can dance to that
missyyounow: rap
missyyounow: u just wanna knife someone
ozz6979: lol
missyyounow: so what is boring about work
missyyounow: it is routine?
ozz6979: yeah
missyyounow: sry
missyyounow: wear a clown nose
ozz6979: end of job
missyyounow: it will help
missyyounow: no
missyyounow: end of job?
ozz6979: lots ofmundane jobs left
missyyounow: where next?
ozz6979: idk
missyyounow: unemployed type of end of job or end of job at this site?
ozz6979: better not be unemployed
missyyounow: shit
missyyounow: did i say something bad?
ozz6979: huh?
missyyounow: nvm
missyyounow: i confuse myself
missyyounow: easy
ozz6979: yeah u said shit
missyyounow: pfft
missyyounow: could have been an orgasm
missyyounow: ignore
missyyounow: some people have ticks
missyyounow: idk
missyyounow: i dont wanna fight
missyyounow: ok?
ozz6979: ok
ozz6979: (though i am not sure what your refering to)
missyyounow: good
missyyounow: b/c i lost myslef too
ozz6979: just sounded like a good thing to say huh
missyyounow: when
ozz6979: lol
ozz6979: nvm
missyyounow: haha
missyyounow: now u understand
missyyounow: lol
ozz6979: lol
missyyounow: my train of thought derails alot lately
ozz6979: so i have noticed
ozz6979: whats up with that
missyyounow: idk
missyyounow: i didnt mean to bold there
missyyounow: or there either
ozz6979: uhuh sure u didn’t
missyyounow: ahhh
missyyounow: i cant de-bold
ozz6979: subconsious there i think
missyyounow: anti-bold
missyyounow: dis-bold
missyyounow: what is it?
ozz6979: prude
ozz6979: lol
missyyounow: phew
missyyounow: ?
ozz6979: ?
missyyounow: how did i become a prude
missyyounow: eek
missyyounow: i am contagious
ozz6979: idk good question
missyyounow: i had chicken pox last week
missyyounow: ur not itching are you?
ozz6979: yeah i got it over the internet
missyyounow: oh yeah
missyyounow: they wont allow visitors to chicken poxieans
missyyounow: dave found funny pics of me
missyyounow: i kissed a wall
missyyounow: it looks silly
missyyounow: i must have had too much to drink b/c i sorta remember the dress
missyyounow: but not kissing a wall
missyyounow: must have been stunt missy
ozz6979: yea maybe
missyyounow: he doesnt own a single non-silly pic of me
missyyounow: geez
ozz6979: geez what?
missyyounow: i dont look like that
ozz6979: like what
missyyounow: the pic
ozz6979: yea u prob wiegh half
missyyounow: my hair is longer
missyyounow: the nose is me
missyyounow: body double for the rest
missyyounow: i ate 1 and 1/2 crackers today!!!
ozz6979: lol
ozz6979: good job
missyyounow: u making fun
ozz6979: yes
missyyounow: i havent had real food in forever
missyyounow: i dont think
missyyounow: maybe i did and just forgot
missyyounow: they dont serve memorable food around here
ozz6979: so u have said
missyyounow: so u smuggle me in pizza and cheap beer and cigarettes
missyyounow: ok?
missyyounow: we’ll give my taste buds a treat
ozz6979: if only i could
missyyounow: oh
missyyounow: u r busy
missyyounow: ok
missyyounow: some other time maybe
missyyounow: and chocolate pudding
missyyounow: b/c that will taste real special after cheap piss-tasting beer
ozz6979: idk what piss taste like
missyyounow: that is an odd expression…whoa that was weird
ozz6979: lol
missyyounow: i saw something funny about drivers and zodiac signs
missyyounow: i thought it was funny
missyyounow: maybe it was yesterday
ozz6979: what was it?
missyyounow: said geminis multitask
missyyounow: u r a gemini
missyyounow: says u look at pda and talk on cell and shave while driving
missyyounow: u r the most unsafe driver according to research
missyyounow: zodiac
missyyounow: and research
missyyounow: sounds like they dont go together in same sentence
missyyounow: but allstate spent a load of money
ozz6979: lol
missyyounow: to find out which sign drives safest
missyyounow: it wasn’t urs
missyyounow: libra is bad just like u b/c they put on makeup
ozz6979: what does yours say? drives in circles
missyyounow: i forget
missyyounow: urs was funny
missyyounow: i remember
missyyounow: b/c u do type while driving
missyyounow: i think
ozz6979: lol
missyyounow: maybe i remember wrong
missyyounow: is dave a libra or scorpio
missyyounow: he is scorpio
missyyounow: fussy driver
missyyounow: pfft
missyyounow: that’s him too
ozz6979: lol
missyyounow: aslan
ozz6979: yes melissa
missyyounow: i dont post pics do i?
missyyounow: i have memory
ozz6979: no u don’t
ozz6979: hardly ever
missyyounow: i need to hide dont i?
missyyounow: i think
missyyounow: maybe
ozz6979: u don’t like pics of u out there
missyyounow: i need to hide?
missyyounow: i did something bad?
missyyounow: a crime
missyyounow: nvm
ozz6979: no
missyyounow: things fog
missyyounow: i have scars
missyyounow: no one will recognize me
missyyounow: i only put them up b/c dave was making me laugh telling me stories i dont remember about me
missyyounow: he was making me laugh
missyyounow: i forgot
missyyounow: i’m sry
ozz6979: sry for what?
missyyounow: i forgot
missyyounow: u were at that party with the green dress?
missyyounow: i was silly?
ozz6979: no i wasn’t at that party unfortunatly
missyyounow: oh
missyyounow: i remember
missyyounow: now
missyyounow: no pics
missyyounow: did u know me when i dyed blonde?
ozz6979: no
missyyounow: oh
missyyounow: ok
missyyounow: they are gone
ozz6979: ?
missyyounow: dave sent me 3 pics
missyyounow: they were funny
missyyounow: he was telling me stories
missyyounow: about me
missyyounow: and sent me pics
missyyounow: i dont really
missyyounow: i dont remember being her
missyyounow: much
missyyounow: i need to curl in now
missyyounow: my meds come at 6:30
missyyounow: maybe that is all
ozz6979: ok
missyyounow: ur busy
missyyounow: i’m sry
ozz6979: nah i’m talking with u but kinda confused
missyyounow: yeah
missyyounow: i was supposed to juggle
missyyounow: to improve ur day
missyyounow: i’m work on that
missyyounow: what r u working on?
missyyounow: that confuses u?
ozz6979: u
missyyounow: building something
missyyounow: ur working on me?
missyyounow: hehe
missyyounow: mind control
missyyounow: ooooo
ozz6979: do u remember how long u have known me?
missyyounow: was i supposed to cluck like a chicken
missyyounow: (u wont get mad?)
ozz6979: no
missyyounow: idk when i met anyone
missyyounow: u and dave werent in high school
missyyounow: with me
missyyounow: u didnt go to college with me
missyyounow: i checked ur profile
missyyounow: i might have gone to college with dave
missyyounow: but i never finished
missyyounow: i met u
missyyounow: we became friends
missyyounow: u live on park ave
missyyounow: with ur brother
missyyounow: and ur pretty gf
missyyounow: she is blonde
missyyounow: u have been with her for 4 yrs
missyyounow: u have a son
missyyounow: but we r friends
ozz6979: ok
missyyounow: that is all that is needed
missyyounow: we r friends
ozz6979: not quiet
missyyounow: and u make me smile
missyyounow: all that is needed
missyyounow: u work with ur hands
missyyounow: and u are gentle
missyyounow: and kind
missyyounow: and sweet
missyyounow: and wonderful
missyyounow: and u talk to me
missyyounow: and make me smile
missyyounow: i dont have specific words
missyyounow: just feelings of memories
missyyounow: that make me smile soooooooo big
missyyounow: b/c u r my friend
missyyounow: u stayed
missyyounow: u r busy
missyyounow: but u stayed
missyyounow: and u make me safe
missyyounow: other things too
missyyounow: feelings idk
missyyounow: but that’s the basics
missyyounow: i didnt know u in hs
missyyounow: or from college
missyyounow: but we r good friends
missyyounow: u know everything me
missyyounow: and chase away my nightmares
missyyounow: by saying relax
missyyounow: alot
missyyounow: i hear ur voice
missyyounow: its in my head
missyyounow: soft and deep
missyyounow: and wonderful
missyyounow: and calm
missyyounow: u will come visit when u r unbusy
missyyounow: smiles
missyyounow: u make me smile
ozz6979: this is as close as i can get to viseting u
missyyounow: i k
missyyounow: i had chicken pox
missyyounow: ur son has blood disorder
missyyounow: he is cute
missyyounow: very cute
missyyounow: and fun
ozz6979: melissa u havn’t been allowed visators in almost a year
ozz6979: have never lied to u but it seems like u don’t remember that
missyyounow: u r angry with me
missyyounow: i’m sry
missyyounow: i’m sry
ozz6979: not angry just telling u
missyyounow: why dont they want to visit?
missyyounow: i did something wrong?
missyyounow: nvm
missyyounow: shhhhh
missyyounow: shhhh
missyyounow: please
ozz6979: melissa go through your computer and find all our saved conversations
missyyounow: dave said the same
ozz6979: that might help to clue u in
missyyounow: idk where they r
missyyounow: dave said
missyyounow: ur name files
missyyounow: i think i lost them
missyyounow: idk
missyyounow: shhhhh
missyyounow: now ok?
missyyounow: i’m making u mad
missyyounow: u will yell and get angry next
missyyounow: please dont
missyyounow: i’ll be good
ozz6979: ok now your acting wierd
ozz6979: i’m going to go
missyyounow: i made u mad
missyyounow: sry
missyyounow: sry
ozz6979: find the files
ozz6979: they will help
missyyounow: its ok where i am aslan
missyyounow: i’m not hurting anyone here
missyyounow: idk
missyyounow: i’m sry
missyyounow: the files are too big
missyyounow: and they are confusing
missyyounow: talk to me please
missyyounow: i’ll behave
ozz6979: ok what would u like to know
missyyounow: cant i just be ur friend here
missyyounow: u and i fought over the weekend
missyyounow: i dont wanna do that
missyyounow: ok?
ozz6979: melissa we are friends
missyyounow: i feel very terrible everytime we do
missyyounow: b/c i sux at fighting
missyyounow: we r friends
missyyounow: i knew that
missyyounow: same as i know if i am upset
missyyounow: there is no one i rather talk to
missyyounow: even if it is inside my head
missyyounow: does it really matter what happened b4 this moment?
missyyounow: we r friends
missyyounow: i am content
missyyounow: ok
missyyounow: ur not
missyyounow: i’ll read
missyyounow: AIM logs everything automatic
missyyounow: november 18th
missyyounow: u and i r talking about dancing
missyyounow: u know breakdancing moves
missyyounow:      ozz6979: want me to pose?  missyyounow: you not gonna see me spinning on the floor on my back
ozz6979: yeah i remember
missyyounow: no kidding
missyyounow: this issue apparently isnt what u remember
missyyounow: its how much and in what tone i remember
missyyounow: we talked alot that day
missyyounow: no time stamp tho
missyyounow: 17 pages
missyyounow: u fixed ur car
missyyounow: and watched the boys
missyyounow: i talked to zach
missyyounow: ur son
missyyounow: i would NEVER forget ur son
missyyounow: is that what ur worried about?
missyyounow: i would never forget them
missyyounow: u have 2 boys
missyyounow: both urs
missyyounow: but not
missyyounow: one is biological
missyyounow: but both r urs
missyyounow: b/c
missyyounow: u r aslan
missyyounow: smiles
missyyounow: billion and one things
missyyounow: i told u billion and one things about u
missyyounow: that make me smile
missyyounow: u got embarrassed and left
missyyounow: b/c u r a dork like that
ozz6979: i think your losing your mind
missyyounow: in a good way right?
missyyounow: smiles
ozz6979: never before have details been vague to u
missyyounow: i k who ur son is
missyyounow: i never lost that
missyyounow: zach and mike
missyyounow: important things i know
missyyounow: u
missyyounow: zach
missyyounow: mike
missyyounow: dave
missyyounow: my lil bro and sister
missyyounow: my grandparents
missyyounow: my grandma would write notes to my grandpa every day
missyyounow: i write u letters too
ozz6979: yeah
missyyounow: different reasons
missyyounow: u make me smile
ozz6979: not really
missyyounow: sooo much
missyyounow: aslan
ozz6979: u wrote 104 becuase we couldn’t see each other
missyyounow: pfft
missyyounow: slacker
missyyounow: u said yr
missyyounow: no visitors for a yr
missyyounow: i only wrote u 104
missyyounow: geez
missyyounow: 365 days in a yr aslan
missyyounow: i was being a bum
ozz6979: i havn’t known u for a full year
ozz6979: met u last march
missyyounow: no visitors
missyyounow: so
missyyounow: u didnt meet me
ozz6979: nope
missyyounow: u are 54
missyyounow: old and bald
missyyounow: and fat
missyyounow: u r fat
ozz6979: yep
missyyounow: and u sit in ur boxers and scratch ur but
missyyounow: while typing me
missyyounow: lol
ozz6979: something like that
missyyounow: we watched football together
missyyounow: u like the steelers
missyyounow: i k things
ozz6979: i have never seen u in person
missyyounow: thats ok
ozz6979: wish i had but i havn’t
missyyounow: u still make me smile aslan
missyyounow: i hear ur voice
missyyounow: explain that
missyyounow: it is soft and low and deep
ozz6979: i sent them to u
missyyounow: and the most soothing voice i have ever heard
ozz6979: those should be on your computer to
missyyounow: and i can say ur name
missyyounow: i cant say much
missyyounow: but i can say ur name
missyyounow: u have a soothing voice
missyyounow: i like it
missyyounow: u r my friend
missyyounow: am i scaring u
missyyounow: i’m fine aslan
ozz6979: ok
missyyounow: i dont mean to scare u
missyyounow: if u feel bad b/c i dont remember
missyyounow: i’ll try harder
missyyounow: ok?
missyyounow: meds here
missyyounow: ok?
ozz6979: i’m taking a shower
ozz6979: i’ll talk with u tommarow
missyyounow: tell me what to do aslan
missyyounow: u want me to read all?
missyyounow: i will
missyyounow: ok
missyyounow: u matter
missyyounow: i didnt forget u
missyyounow: dont think that
missyyounow: please
missyyounow: everything u matters to me
missyyounow: i will read all
missyyounow: dont be mad
ozz6979: sweet dreams
ozz6979: talk to ya later
missyyounow: not dreaming
missyyounow: i will read
missyyounow: i mad u mad or sad
missyyounow: i will read
missyyounow: it will be ok
Wednesday, November 29, 2006
4:14 PM
ozz6979: hello melissa
missyyounow: i’m sry…i have been awful and selfish. i’m sry!thousand times sry…and i will never make up for how horrible i was to you!   
ozz6979: how are ya
missyyounow: ?
ozz6979: it was a question. like hey how are ya, i’m good bad ect
ozz6979: lol
ozz6979: silly girl
missyyounow: i dont understand
missyyounow: i dont understand y u r talking to me
missyyounow: i dont understand
ozz6979: becuase were friends
missyyounow: were
ozz6979: unless that has changed on your part
missyyounow: i did awful things to u
ozz6979: i don’t remember anythiong awful
ozz6979: other than my spelling
missyyounow: u liked a girl and i looked in
missyyounow: caryn
missyyounow: a message with dave
missyyounow: it was in with everything else
missyyounow: i’m sry
missyyounow: that is an awful thing to do
missyyounow: spying
ozz6979: shhhh
ozz6979: melissa were fine
missyyounow: i thought i was a good girl with values
missyyounow: i chased after someone who had no interest in me
missyyounow: that is awful
missyyounow: and then i was mean
missyyounow: u were always nice
ozz6979: why do u say i had no intrest?
missyyounow: oct-nov messages
missyyounow: we dont talk every day
missyyounow: missing some
missyyounow: days
missyyounow: i have surgery
missyyounow: sry
missyyounow: sept thru nov
missyyounow: u were being nice to a girl in a hospital
missyyounow: and i was being horrible
missyyounow: i have letters in front of me
missyyounow: meant for u
ozz6979: well i never thought of u like that
missyyounow: u have 104
missyyounow: i pestered
missyyounow: i’m sry
missyyounow: then i looked in
missyyounow: spying on ur gf
missyyounow: that is awful
missyyounow: unforgivable
missyyounow: and what the hell am i doing
missyyounow: agreeing to marry dave?
missyyounow: i love u
missyyounow: (one sided)
missyyounow: i’m a fucking infant
missyyounow: i am disgusting
missyyounow: i’m sry
ozz6979: please stop
ozz6979: i hate when u talk like that about yourself
missyyounow: aslan
missyyounow: what the hell is wrong with me
missyyounow: i thought i had morals
missyyounow: idk y i thought that
missyyounow: what was i doing
missyyounow: we had talk-sex?
missyyounow: no feelings
missyyounow: geez
missyyounow: what the hell is wrong with me
missyyounow: ??
missyyounow: its there
missyyounow: how can u not see it that way?
missyyounow: i was desperate to have u
missyyounow: then i turn around and say yes to him?
missyyounow: what is wrong with me???
missyyounow: i was always like this?
missyyounow: there are more files
missyyounow: thousands of pages
ozz6979: babe i don’t know how to answer some of your questions
missyyounow: i do
missyyounow: i’m pretty disgusting
missyyounow: i’m sry
missyyounow: idk why i thought i was good
ozz6979: u feel that way becuase of what u did with me?
missyyounow: it was one sided
missyyounow: me wanting u
missyyounow: u had a girl
ozz6979: trust me it wasn’t one sided
missyyounow: that’s pretty awful, don’t you think?
missyyounow: u had a girl
ozz6979: yea u
ozz6979: for 7 monthsd
missyyounow: i’ve never had a bf
ozz6979: i was 100% commited to u
missyyounow: i’ve slept with people
ozz6979: for a long time
missyyounow: never a bf
missyyounow: that i remember
missyyounow: havent kissed anyone in years
missyyounow: never been on a date
missyyounow: have had sex
missyyounow: no one stays
missyyounow: never been made love to
missyyounow: which i k
missyyounow: guys think is same thing as sex
missyyounow: but i had it built up in my head where it was different
missyyounow: no one looks at u during sex
missyyounow: ur not in their eyes
missyyounow: i’ve never had a bf
missyyounow: i’ve never been in anybody’s eyes
missyyounow: i think i k that
ozz6979: idk what to say
missyyounow: u r different
missyyounow: i think of u and i smile
missyyounow: not a typical smile
missyyounow: it is relax and i can breathe
missyyounow: and smile
missyyounow: u r in my head
missyyounow: i hear ur voice
missyyounow: but u r so angry that i did not try to get out
missyyounow: i didnt try
missyyounow: idk
ozz6979: melissa u did try lots of times
missyyounow: i have memory of u in a bar
missyyounow: u r with ur girl though
missyyounow: i have been awful
missyyounow: chasing after
missyyounow: talk sex
missyyounow: i dont understand
ozz6979: u have a memorie of me with a girl not mine though
missyyounow: i didnt think i would do awful things like that
missyyounow: u had a girl
ozz6979: i was on the prowl
ozz6979: u saw me
missyyounow: i stalk u
ozz6979: i didn’t see u
missyyounow: go after what is not my right to have
missyyounow: disgusting things
missyyounow: to hold u
missyyounow: when u dont want to be held
missyyounow: i’m sry
missyyounow: i am awful for doing that to u
missyyounow: and then
missyyounow: there were times i was soooooo sad
missyyounow: i could see it
missyyounow: and u would comfort
missyyounow: and let me “curl in”
missyyounow: i think that is expression used only with u
missyyounow: it has meaning, right?
missyyounow: maybe not
ozz6979: yeah
missyyounow: might be one sided too
missyyounow: and i close my eyes
missyyounow: i hear ur voice
missyyounow: i hear it aslan!
missyyounow: i am calm and wonderful
missyyounow: there is this feeling
missyyounow: whenever i think of u
missyyounow: it grows
missyyounow: i cant explain it
missyyounow: i’ve never known it
missyyounow: its not fear though
missyyounow: i am awful
missyyounow: u didnt want
missyyounow: u were nice to sick girl
missyyounow: 3 mos nice
missyyounow: pages and pages of sex
missyyounow: i dont understand
ozz6979: i was in love with a wonderful woman, it didn’t work out
ozz6979: that is our story
missyyounow: u r still with her
ozz6979: we are friends now
missyyounow: your wonderful woman
missyyounow: please tell me
missyyounow: please
ozz6979: u
missyyounow: u r still with ur gf
missyyounow: u deserve wonderful and happy
missyyounow: and no nutcase stalker
missyyounow: forcing u to talk
missyyounow: making u feel awful
missyyounow: bringing u down
missyyounow: i have no way to prove it
missyyounow: feel it inside aslan
missyyounow: i only want u happy
missyyounow: always
missyyounow: i am awful to u
missyyounow: holding onto what was not mine
missyyounow: one sided
missyyounow: salker
missyyounow: stalker*
missyyounow: sry
missyyounow: i kept thousands of pages
missyyounow: fucking stalker
ozz6979: idk how to explain feelings to someone who doesn’t remember
ozz6979: becuase there was feelings behind everything we said to each other
ozz6979: it wasn’t one sided
ozz6979: never was
missyyounow: u had a gf
ozz6979: i had u
missyyounow: i had no right!
missyyounow: no
ozz6979: i have a gf now
missyyounow: u didnt have me
missyyounow: i was here
ozz6979: but then it was just u
missyyounow: u r angry lots of times
missyyounow: b/c i didnt try
missyyounow: if i trust u with my life
missyyounow: and am in love with u
missyyounow: why did i say yes to dave?
missyyounow: a bit childish dont u think?
missyyounow: i didnt think i did things like that
ozz6979: becuase u wanted to get out of the hospital
missyyounow: idk y i didnt think that
missyyounow: that’s not a reason to get married
missyyounow: married is for life
missyyounow: not game to do when bored
missyyounow: i think i believed that at one point
missyyounow: i think i value marriage
missyyounow: u get married once
missyyounow: and forever
missyyounow: i think that i what i believe about marriage
missyyounow: but i thought i was moral and good girl
missyyounow: and i was not
missyyounow: all my values are built on quicksand
missyyounow: reading
missyyounow: 3 mos
missyyounow: just feel loathing for her
missyyounow: she is disgusting person
missyyounow: and should be where she is
missyyounow: u had a gf
ozz6979: when?
ozz6979: i was single when i met u
missyyounow: u liked someone else
ozz6979: i was with only u from march to oct
missyyounow: i spied on her
missyyounow: i am awful for doing that
missyyounow: that is unforgivable
ozz6979: listen we are friends now
missyyounow: why?
ozz6979: i know u better thasn anyone else on this planet
ozz6979: and i care about u
missyyounow: why would u want to be my friend?
missyyounow: why?
missyyounow: i have no redeaming qualities
missyyounow: none
missyyounow: i hurt the one man i loved
missyyounow: except
missyyounow: get a clue
missyyounow: its not loved
missyyounow: its not passed tense
missyyounow: it grows
missyyounow: and i cant explain
missyyounow: i cant explain any of it
ozz6979: melissa u are like a sister to me now
missyyounow: my immoral behavior
missyyounow: i cant get over what i did to u
missyyounow: i’m awful
ozz6979: you think to much
missyyounow: horrible person
ozz6979: does it seem like i think so?
missyyounow: u r just nice
missyyounow: idk y
missyyounow: i am in hospital
ozz6979: yeah i am nice but it is more than that
missyyounow: i am scarred
missyyounow: i have a huge scar on my neck
missyyounow: did i ever tell u that?
missyyounow: i doubt it
missyyounow: i am a liar
missyyounow: and cheat
missyyounow: immoral
missyyounow: slut
missyyounow: chasing after a man
missyyounow: who did not want
missyyounow: loathing
ozz6979: yes i know u have a scar
ozz6979: i know how u got it
missyyounow: i have another one
missyyounow: newer
ozz6979: i know all about that one to
missyyounow: runs from breast bone to ribs
missyyounow: i’ve got 3 on the side of me
missyyounow: 5 on my inner thighs
missyyounow: one tiny one above my left eye
missyyounow: or maybe two
ozz6979: baby there is nothing u can tell me i don’t already know
missyyounow: one on my jaw
ozz6979: honestly
missyyounow: and a large one on my left arm
missyyounow: do u know i cry for some reason when they touch me?
ozz6979: i know about your grandma’s notes and the significance of them
missyyounow: do u know they tie me down to draw blood
ozz6979: i know your favorite flowers
missyyounow: what are they?
missyyounow: i doubt u do
ozz6979: i know your dreams, and your nightmares
missyyounow: i have no dreams
missyyounow: u gave me dreams
missyyounow: i know that
missyyounow: i read that
missyyounow: i know u would paint me beautiful things with ur words
ozz6979: the white weeds that  have lace in the name
missyyounow: idk y
missyyounow: haha
missyyounow: queen anne’s lace
missyyounow: lucky guess
ozz6979: and i think buttercups
missyyounow: yeah
ozz6979: guess huh
missyyounow: i like wildflowers
ozz6979: i know
missyyounow: cornflowers, buttercups and queen anne’s lace
missyyounow: they grow where they want
missyyounow: unrestricted
missyyounow: they are free aslan
ozz6979: i know u spilled ink on your moms rug when u were watching your brother and sister
missyyounow: i got in trouble
missyyounow: yeah
ozz6979: how many little memories do u want me to recal?
missyyounow: u know they tie me down?
ozz6979: yes
missyyounow: u know i’m in psychiatric ward?
ozz6979: yes
missyyounow: i’m not allowed visitors?
ozz6979: no your not
missyyounow: which holiday am i scared of?
ozz6979: christmas
ozz6979: eve
missyyounow: why aslan
missyyounow: why am i scared of christmas eve
missyyounow: why cant people see me
missyyounow: why did i say yes to day
missyyounow: dave*
missyyounow: i love u
missyyounow: that is stupidest thing ever
missyyounow: how did i get the scars?
missyyounow: the heart one i know
missyyounow: and the ones on the side are from tubes
ozz6979: baby honestly i don’t know if u should remember alot of whjat your asking
missyyounow: who is paul
missyyounow: and who is gary
missyyounow: i know paulie
missyyounow: and eric
missyyounow: and dave
missyyounow: in the notes
missyyounow: i mention a guy who is mean
missyyounow: to me
missyyounow: named paul
missyyounow: and one named gary
ozz6979: paulie
missyyounow: paulie is a frat guy
missyyounow: customer
missyyounow: paul
missyyounow: is different
missyyounow: i think
ozz6979: paulie is an jerk
ozz6979: trust me stay away from him
missyyounow: paul
missyyounow: the one i mention
missyyounow: isnt the one on myspace
missyyounow: myspace paul never mean to me
ozz6979: baby he was trust me
missyyounow: not myspace paul
missyyounow: he is young guy works at home depot
missyyounow: i k things
missyyounow: and then i dont
ozz6979: ow not that paul
ozz6979: paulie
ozz6979: frat guy
missyyounow: there was a guy paul who worked at dorschel with me
missyyounow: got me the job
ozz6979: thats gary
missyyounow: no
missyyounow: his name is paul
ozz6979: u never told me his name
missyyounow: oh
missyyounow: so u dont know EVERYTHING
missyyounow: ha
missyyounow: i k too many pauls then
missyyounow: one i said was mean
missyyounow: but it was paul
missyyounow: not paulie
missyyounow: paulie has always been paulie
ozz6979: paulie was to
missyyounow: he’s just college frat guy
missyyounow: came to my station at denny’s every morning
missyyounow: harmless
missyyounow: talks trashy
missyyounow: but harmless
ozz6979: please trust me
missyyounow: i do aslan
missyyounow: my whole life
missyyounow: idk y i k that
missyyounow: i just do
missyyounow: too many pauls
missyyounow: hehe
missyyounow: that is why there is a simon paul
missyyounow: even bible had too many pauls
ozz6979: paulie frat guy said some very mean things about u
missyyounow: lots of people say mean things about me
missyyounow: girls r the worst
missyyounow: i am pretty sleazy person
ozz6979: paul from dorschel is responsible for the scars
missyyounow: i havent worked at dorschel for many years
missyyounow: u r busy
missyyounow: see
missyyounow: i need to leave u alone
ozz6979: hunny i am not sure what to do
missyyounow: not hunny
missyyounow: i do not have a bf
ozz6979: u prob don’t remember but you at one time wished u could forget everything u are asking about
missyyounow: hunny, babe, darling
missyyounow: those are sweet names
missyyounow: for a person i am not
missyyounow: never was
missyyounow: i’m not the girl they love
missyyounow: it is ok
missyyounow: idk y i agreed to dave
missyyounow: that was stupid
ozz6979: do u see why it is dificult for me to give u answers
ozz6979: becuase for so long u wished u didn’t remember
ozz6979: now u don’t maybe it is better
missyyounow: i’m sry…that was the meanest thing i could have ever done…i had no right saying yes to u when i’m in love with someone else…he doesnt love me, never has and never will…but lying isnt gonna fix that
missyyounow: i cant marry u
missyyounow: shit
missyyounow: wrong screen
missyyounow: it’s official
missyyounow: i am horrible person
missyyounow: geez
missyyounow: i killed someone
missyyounow: u make it sound like manslaugher
missyyounow: which makes sense
missyyounow: since i’m locked up
missyyounow: and have no visitors
ozz6979: ?
missyyounow: (sry…responding to last thing u said to me)
missyyounow: u’ve actually stopped talking
ozz6979: no
missyyounow: so its ok
missyyounow: i understand
missyyounow: its ok
ozz6979: u didn’t kill anyone
missyyounow: haha
ozz6979: well maybe dave but…
missyyounow: ?
ozz6979: nvm
missyyounow: yeah
missyyounow: i hurt guys
missyyounow: it seems to be what i do best
missyyounow: u
missyyounow: dave
missyyounow: just as well that eric cant be here
ozz6979: who said u hurt me?
missyyounow: i’d probably give him a fatal paper cut
missyyounow: i read aslan
missyyounow: u wanted out
missyyounow: it is there
missyyounow: i read the words
missyyounow: i was stalking u
missyyounow: holding u against ur will
missyyounow: u were just trying to be nice
missyyounow: u had a girl
missyyounow: and then i did disgusting things
missyyounow: yeah
ozz6979: u keep saying that, but i want to know why u think that?
missyyounow: sisters do that?
ozz6979: “u had a girl”
missyyounow: i read
missyyounow: i looked in on caryn’s profile
missyyounow: i had no right to it
missyyounow: i saw u ask her out for the night
missyyounow: i saw it
missyyounow: and got all pissy about it
missyyounow: ur profile says u like blondes
missyyounow: she was blonde
ozz6979: we broke up for an hour and i responded to one of her messages
missyyounow: why would u break up with caryn
missyyounow: she looks sweet
ozz6979: then we got back together and it wasn’t meant by anything
ozz6979: u broke up with me
missyyounow: ?
missyyounow: NOT POSSIBLE
missyyounow: ur tripping
ozz6979: U BROKE UP WITH ME
missyyounow: NOT POSSIBLE
missyyounow: i fucking am in love with u
missyyounow: there is no fucking way
missyyounow: i spent from sept thru oct
ozz6979: u told me to deleate everything that had to do with u
missyyounow: like a desperate shit bag
missyyounow: trying to hold your attention on me
missyyounow: even dave’s message to me said you walked away
missyyounow: fucking stalker girl wouldn’t let u go
ozz6979: i walked away from our relationship in oct
missyyounow: u werent mine to have
missyyounow: yeah
missyyounow: not a relationship tho
missyyounow: u said that several times
missyyounow: i was messed up
missyyounow: u said
missyyounow: (true)
missyyounow: (the me being messed up part)
missyyounow: i have a very cold message from u
missyyounow: distant
missyyounow: u had enough
missyyounow: u wanted me to go away b/c YOU HAD A GIRL
missyyounow: geez
missyyounow: u dont have to be nice
missyyounow: i’m ok
missyyounow: i read it
missyyounow: i k the words
missyyounow: u gave me dreams
missyyounow: and r in my head
missyyounow: but i had no right to ruin ur life
missyyounow: omg
missyyounow: i’m doing it again
missyyounow: keeping u on when u just want to leave
missyyounow: ahhhhhhhh
ozz6979: u like always are thinking to much
ozz6979: relax will ya
missyyounow: u have a gf
missyyounow: i get it
missyyounow: i get it finally
ozz6979: yes now i do have a gf
missyyounow: months
missyyounow: i get it
ozz6979: months?
missyyounow: ozz has a gf
missyyounow: i leave him alone
missyyounow: he doesnt need stalker chick
missyyounow: when he has gf
missyyounow: i was awful
missyyounow: months of awful
missyyounow: ur right last night
missyyounow: i needed to be reminded
missyyounow: that i was nothing
missyyounow: just friends
missyyounow: i pushed myself on u
missyyounow: i’m sry
ozz6979: melissa please stop with all your thinking
ozz6979: we are friends now
ozz6979: before we thought maybe it could be more
ozz6979: but it couldn’t be
ozz6979: your there and i’m here
ozz6979: eight months it didn’t change
ozz6979: so now we are just friends
ozz6979: you at one time( not anymore apprently new me better than anyone)
ozz6979: and i know you better than anyone
missyyounow: i do know u
missyyounow: u broke ur leg last nov
missyyounow: fri after thanksgiving
missyyounow: u have two sons
missyyounow: the most adorable critters ever
missyyounow: i sent them cameras
missyyounow: and photo albums
missyyounow: they are in my head too
missyyounow: u race (or wish u could again…u will soon)
missyyounow: FL
missyyounow: treasure island
missyyounow: tink and peter pan were going to go to FL to treasure island
missyyounow: and walk the beach
missyyounow: with a fat dog
missyyounow: u know how to simplify houses so they cost less (the roof lines)
missyyounow: u are allergic to chromium
missyyounow: or however it is spelled
missyyounow: u were glasses (and r very very cute in them)
missyyounow: but mainly contacts
missyyounow: (when the boys dont lose them on u)
missyyounow: u drink and dont remember
missyyounow: and especially dont remember to drink water and take advil after
missyyounow: u have a big wonderful and loud family
missyyounow: u wanted to have a small farm
missyyounow: and chickens
missyyounow: one day chickens
missyyounow: b/c fresh eggs are the best
ozz6979: melissa i have to go to eat dinner
missyyounow: i know
missyyounow: g’night aslan
missyyounow: sweet dreams
ozz6979: g’night melissa
missyyounow: u have been nice
Thursday, November 30, 2006
6:11 PM
ozz6979: HEY SIS WHATS SHAKING?
missyyounow: been taken off of pain meds…i’m here, but may have closed my eyes for a moment…

remembering to breathe…
ozz6979: oops
ozz6979: exciatable pinky
missyyounow: excitable pinky
missyyounow: haha
missyyounow: i’m off meds
missyyounow: they think my tolerance and pain is wacked
missyyounow: so they took me off altogether
missyyounow: what r u doing home
missyyounow: take her away aslan
ozz6979: i was doing dishes
missyyounow: smiles
missyyounow: i read more messages
missyyounow: had to stop reading a few
ozz6979: maybe i would but uncle sam takes to much of my check each week
missyyounow: -[
ozz6979: yeah tell me about it
missyyounow: i’ll send u money
ozz6979: lol
ozz6979: your funny
missyyounow: hehe
missyyounow: yeah tell you about what?
missyyounow: i embarrass u to?
missyyounow: it was that awful?
missyyounow: eeek
missyyounow: that wasnt the reason i had to stop reading
missyyounow: haha
missyyounow: u …um…we…
missyyounow: there are things
missyyounow: nvm
missyyounow: nice weather huh?
ozz6979: yeah
ozz6979: lol
ozz6979: to bad it ends today
missyyounow: oh
missyyounow: ur talking about the weather
missyyounow: hahaha
ozz6979: one of the nicest novembers i can remember though
ozz6979: lol
missyyounow: ok
missyyounow: i’ll take ur word for it
missyyounow: havent been out in a while
missyyounow: i think
missyyounow: aslan
missyyounow: some of it doesnt make sense
missyyounow: i have tons of really really weird nightmares in it
missyyounow: i guess
ozz6979: yeah
missyyounow: why would i tell u nightmares?
missyyounow: geez
missyyounow: the words i use are spooky
ozz6979: like i said we shared everything
missyyounow: like their real
missyyounow: smiles
missyyounow: ur great
missyyounow: thank u
missyyounow: u said u’d give me a family
missyyounow: better warn adam
missyyounow: haha
ozz6979: lol
missyyounow: aw come on
missyyounow: he’d love having a lil sister too
missyyounow: smiles
missyyounow: i fell asleep
missyyounow: some of the things i remember
missyyounow: or think i remembered
missyyounow: filled in details that i never wrote
missyyounow: that was nice
missyyounow: it’s gonna take me weeks or months to get through
missyyounow: and i’m so random at reading
ozz6979: lol
missyyounow: start in middle
missyyounow: skip
missyyounow: very few are dated
missyyounow: some dont have time stamps
missyyounow: u make me smile
missyyounow: pages and pages
missyyounow: of talking about the littlest things
missyyounow: i like that
ozz6979: smiles
missyyounow: we can still do
missyyounow: heads kinda blank atm
missyyounow: (i’ve got a headache…they’ve taken me completely off of the pain meds)
ozz6979: why?
missyyounow: they weren’t lasting as long
missyyounow: they cant put me on a morphine base painkiller for some reason
ozz6979: your allergic
missyyounow: they are afraid i’m growing dependent
missyyounow: they are effecting my eating
missyyounow: u r in my head
missyyounow: i hear u
missyyounow: haven’t found sound files
missyyounow: but ur in my head
ozz6979: smiles
missyyounow: when did i get allergic
missyyounow: god
missyyounow: dont read this wrong ok
missyyounow: i am clear about u and i
missyyounow: i am really happy
missyyounow: like family
missyyounow: i like that
ozz6979: smiles
missyyounow: sooooooo very much
missyyounow: u have no idea
missyyounow: when did i become allergic?
ozz6979: idk
missyyounow: i wasnt allergic
ozz6979: but it makes your blood thin out and not clot
ozz6979: moriphine based drugs
missyyounow: u know so much me
missyyounow: smiles
missyyounow: i like aslan
missyyounow: is that ok?
ozz6979: thats ok
missyyounow: smiles
missyyounow: (i meant that i like u knowing so much me)
missyyounow: how was ur day
ozz6979: long
missyyounow: i’m sry
missyyounow: what can i do?
missyyounow: u go out
missyyounow: ok?
ozz6979: get rid of taxes
missyyounow: b/c?
missyyounow: u want ur car
ozz6979: i want my money
missyyounow: haha
missyyounow: that too
missyyounow: i will make u a vacation on a budget
missyyounow: hehe
ozz6979: thats a car payment every week
missyyounow: a very tiny budget
missyyounow: i went to college for this
missyyounow: never finished
missyyounow: must not be very good at it
missyyounow: haha
missyyounow: never finished a two-year program in
missyyounow: idk
missyyounow: i graduated in 2001
missyyounow: 5 yrs
missyyounow: cant finish 2 yr program in 5 yrs is kinda pathetic
missyyounow: but i will find u nice local place
missyyounow: u like outdoors
missyyounow: and fireplaces
missyyounow: ok?
missyyounow: or bad missy!
ozz6979: ok
ozz6979: i got to check my dinner be back in a bit
missyyounow: i havta close my eyes
missyyounow: it hurts
ozz6979: k
missyyounow: love ya
missyyounow: big brother
missyyounow: smiles
ozz6979: hahaha
ozz6979: smiles
missyyounow: http://www.nycgetaways.com/stay/send.php?web=http://www.captainschoonmakers.com
missyyounow: closing eyes
missyyounow: i’ll send u money
missyyounow: it has a 4 poster bed
missyyounow: that’s important
7:42 PM
ozz6979: your silly
missyyounow: not silly
ozz6979: Your IM has been sent to my mobile device. When I receive it, I will be able to reply. Thanks for your IM! Want your IMs forwarded to your phone? Click here
missyyounow: sry
Saturday, December 02, 2006
1:33 PM
ozz6979: hey melissa
missyyounow: Smiles….



just a silly girl…it’s okay.
missyyounow: hi u
missyyounow: u just get up?
missyyounow: lazy boy
ozz6979: just got home for a bit
ozz6979: i got a message from dave
missyyounow: ignore
missyyounow: ok
missyyounow: no fights
missyyounow: ok
ozz6979: u are talking to myka and paul again??
missyyounow: i talked to myka
missyyounow: why?
ozz6979: please don’t
missyyounow: why?
missyyounow: i had e-mail from him in february
ozz6979: yeah
missyyounow: just like u
missyyounow: he’s my friend
missyyounow: i dont e-mail just anyone
missyyounow: i’ve only got u, dave, eric, derek, matt somebody, myka (and i guess his gf shana too…tho hers werent friendly)
missyyounow: i have talked to paulie
missyyounow: and this funny guy paul, who i met at home depot
missyyounow: i was making a sidewalk
missyyounow: he laughed at me
missyyounow: he is on my myspace
ozz6979: melissa stay away from myka and his gf
missyyounow: ok
missyyounow: idk y tho
missyyounow: i’d like to know why
missyyounow: but ur being mysterious
missyyounow: so i’ll leave be
missyyounow: i got a message from dorschel
ozz6979: don’t talk to paul from dorshal either
missyyounow: shit
ozz6979: what did it say?
missyyounow: just asking where i was
missyyounow: wanting to see me again
missyyounow: wanting to talk to me
missyyounow: nothing bad
missyyounow: i dont think
missyyounow: friendly stuff
missyyounow: why?
ozz6979: melissa hunny, the scar on your neck is from him
missyyounow: no its not
ozz6979: your not dead
ozz6979: u should be
missyyounow: that’s just silly
missyyounow: u dont worry ok?
missyyounow: dave got u worried
missyyounow: u say i’m a grown person
ozz6979: no i am worried becuase of what i klknow
ozz6979: what u told me
missyyounow: they wouldnt be writing me if they were causing me harm
missyyounow: why would anyone do that
ozz6979: #1 reason u can’t have visators
ozz6979: becuase of him
missyyounow: myka, his gf or paul
missyyounow: paul is married
ozz6979: paul
missyyounow: has two kids
missyyounow: i took care of them when his daughter was a baby
missyyounow: a couple times
missyyounow: he dropped them to my apartment
ozz6979: ?
ozz6979: how did u get the apartment
missyyounow: working
missyyounow: how do people get apartments
missyyounow: i think actually it was sublet from friend
missyyounow: it wasnt my furniture
missyyounow: i dont have much furniture
missyyounow: hey guess what?
missyyounow: i met another guy who went to aquinas
missyyounow: just like u
ozz6979: ok either u made up eight months of stuff or u totaly blocked it all out of your head
missyyounow: he is year older
missyyounow: aslan
missyyounow: i have nightmares
missyyounow: that is all they are
missyyounow: angry face nightmares
missyyounow: leave them there
missyyounow: ok?
missyyounow: too many people have left me
missyyounow: ok?
ozz6979: u talk with them it is your death wish but don’t mention me at all
missyyounow: ?
missyyounow: wait
missyyounow: u want me to what?
ozz6979: do not talk about me to other people
missyyounow: shit
ozz6979: especially paul or myka
missyyounow: shit aslan
ozz6979: why?
missyyounow: i asked if he knew u
ozz6979: who?
missyyounow: the other guy from aquinas
missyyounow: he is 28
missyyounow: said only aslan he knew was from narnia
missyyounow: i just figured
missyyounow: aquinas
missyyounow: no wait
ozz6979: whats his name?
missyyounow: ur mcquaid
ozz6979: aq
missyyounow: http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=49505229
missyyounow: that guy
missyyounow: he sent me message and left comments
missyyounow: they were nice comments
missyyounow: see
missyyounow: no one wants to be mean to me
missyyounow: i get bored
missyyounow: i talk to people
ozz6979: melissa if u trust me don’t talk to paul or myka
missyyounow: i trust u completely
missyyounow: i didnt talk to paul
missyyounow: felt weird
ozz6979: then listen to me ok
missyyounow: made no sense
missyyounow: i will listen to u
missyyounow: u r my big brother
missyyounow: hehe
ozz6979: what didn’t make sence
missyyounow: i felt weird
missyyounow: idk y
missyyounow: i guess it has been long while or somethng
missyyounow: just felt weird
missyyounow: i didnt talk to him though
missyyounow: just this other aq guy
missyyounow: and myka
missyyounow: but i wont talk no more to myka
missyyounow: he was just being nice
missyyounow: and asking about my scars is all
ozz6979: forget myka for a min
missyyounow: ok
ozz6979: melissa stay away from paul
missyyounow: haha
missyyounow: i am in here
missyyounow: i cant see the one person i want to
missyyounow: u think i’m gonna run off and see someone i dont want to see as much??
missyyounow: u r silly
missyyounow: i promise
missyyounow: no paul
missyyounow: (dorschel paul)
ozz6979: no contact at all
ozz6979: ok
missyyounow: ok
ozz6979: thank u
missyyounow: with dorschel paul
missyyounow: or with anyone?
ozz6979: dorshel paul
missyyounow: k
ozz6979: don’t even read his messages deleate them
missyyounow: idk who gary is
missyyounow: ok…
missyyounow: u have reasons
ozz6979: paul = gary
missyyounow: i trust u completely?
missyyounow: no
ozz6979: gary = paul
missyyounow: gary is in nightmares
ozz6979: same person
ozz6979: yes melissa
missyyounow: gary is in nightmares
missyyounow: no aslan
missyyounow: no
missyyounow: b/c i dont like nightmares
missyyounow: and no one is here
missyyounow: i dont want to be alone
missyyounow: i dont like nightmares
missyyounow: they are only nightmares
missyyounow: dont make them real
missyyounow: please
ozz6979: baby u see why i say no conmtact
missyyounow: no baby
missyyounow: please
missyyounow: that wasnt me
missyyounow: no the girl in the nightmares
missyyounow: please aslan
missyyounow: please
ozz6979: ok
missyyounow: no
missyyounow: i am alone
missyyounow: no one to hold me
missyyounow: i am alone
missyyounow: no
missyyounow: please
missyyounow: ok
ozz6979: ok
missyyounow: idk the people on my myspace
missyyounow: most of them
missyyounow: which one is christian?
ozz6979: he dosn’t have myspace anymore
missyyounow: i remember christian
missyyounow: he was older but was nice to me
missyyounow: r u angry at me again?
missyyounow: u r
ozz6979: no
missyyounow: i saw e-mails
missyyounow: i dont hand out my sn or e-mail address to anyone
missyyounow: just friends
missyyounow: i thought it was safe
ozz6979: babe just relax
missyyounow: i dont talk to myka or paul
missyyounow: u help me
missyyounow: ok
ozz6979: adam needs a ride, to go look at a car
missyyounow: ok
missyyounow: sry
ozz6979: i will help gladly
missyyounow: just nightmares baby
ozz6979: i will be back later ok
missyyounow: ok?
missyyounow: i cant think anymore
missyyounow: please
ozz6979: ok
missyyounow: i am completely alone
missyyounow: u dont know
ozz6979: i do know
ozz6979: u have told me
ozz6979: melissa when i said i know u better than anyone that includes your self
missyyounow: shhh
missyyounow: ok
missyyounow: monitor is too high
ozz6979: ok i will talk with u later ok
missyyounow: smiles
missyyounow: sry
missyyounow: i was bad
ozz6979: nope it s alright talk to ya in a bit
ozz6979: think of palm trees and a warm breeze for a while it helps
missyyounow: love u
missyyounow: (big brother)
5:47 PM
ozz6979: hey u
missyyounow: Smiles….



just a silly girl…it’s okay.
ozz6979: hows the head feeling?
missyyounow: hi u
missyyounow: i’m confused
missyyounow: very very aslan
ozz6979: oh
ozz6979: i’m aslan
ozz6979: nice to meet u confused
missyyounow: haha
ozz6979: ;-)
missyyounow: smiles
missyyounow: ur smilies dance across my screen
missyyounow: hehe
ozz6979: smiles
ozz6979: whats up
ozz6979: what is bothering u
missyyounow: wow
missyyounow: u sent me lots of pics over the months
missyyounow: u didnt just send them to me tho
missyyounow: i think
missyyounow: i thought u had at one pt
missyyounow: hehe
missyyounow: silly girl
ozz6979: ?
ozz6979: what do u mean?
missyyounow: nah
missyyounow: dont worry
missyyounow: i’m good
ozz6979: nah tell me
missyyounow: i like my pics
missyyounow: very much
missyyounow: i put them up last night around 6:30 on my myspace profile
missyyounow: rainbow one
missyyounow: was nice
missyyounow: so i got kermit to sing about it
missyyounow: hehe
ozz6979: smiles
missyyounow: a whole bunch
missyyounow: i didnt put up any of u
missyyounow: ok
missyyounow: i know
ozz6979: thats ok
missyyounow: i avoided that on purpose
missyyounow: but u sent me lots
missyyounow: i didnt know i had over 35 pages of u in my e-mail too
ozz6979: yes i did
missyyounow: haha
missyyounow: they are soooooo pretty aslan
missyyounow: i have a memory of u taking pic and taking me where ever u went
missyyounow: but
missyyounow: i guess i forgot how many
missyyounow: is that ok to remember
ozz6979: lol
missyyounow: that doesnt make u feel uncomfortable
ozz6979: no why
missyyounow: i didnt put up the pics of ur boys and u b/c i do not ever want to make u uncomfortable
missyyounow: ok
missyyounow: i love them all though
missyyounow: do u know that?
ozz6979: yeah i knowq
missyyounow: the boys make me smile
missyyounow: lots
missyyounow: u will tell them
missyyounow: their messages…they sound soooooo cute…make me smile
missyyounow: is that ok?
ozz6979: yeah
missyyounow: but i put up the pretty pics
missyyounow: so many sunrises
missyyounow: so many sunsets
missyyounow: and down town canandaigua
missyyounow: u knew exactly how
missyyounow: smiles
ozz6979: smiles
missyyounow: i’m making u uncomfortable
missyyounow: sry
missyyounow: i went shoe shopping
ozz6979: no i was on the phone
missyyounow: oh
missyyounow: get back to her
ozz6979: buy any fmp’s
missyyounow: ok?
missyyounow: i wont get in the way
missyyounow: i’ll talk to u some other time
ozz6979: ?
ozz6979: i am talking now right?
missyyounow: http://www.raffaello-network.com/raffties/detail.php?itemid=72491&rangeid=29
missyyounow: dont talk to me when ur talking to her
missyyounow: i’m sry
missyyounow: that’s just weird
missyyounow: those shoes are great
missyyounow: they’d tickle my toes while i dance!!
missyyounow: hehe
missyyounow: sry
missyyounow: u know how i am about cell phones
ozz6979: lol
missyyounow: give her ALL of ur attention!! always!
ozz6979: i was at champs yesterday
missyyounow: A uniform or B uniform
missyyounow: ??
ozz6979: ?
missyyounow: white button down shirt
missyyounow: or black
ozz6979: black
missyyounow: no buttons
missyyounow: hmmm
missyyounow: i get more tips with buttons
ozz6979: lol
missyyounow: hehe
missyyounow: black pants
missyyounow: or have they gone skirts?
ozz6979: pants
missyyounow: shit
missyyounow: got more tips in skirts
missyyounow: haha
missyyounow: i did a silly survey thingy
missyyounow: it was like talking to dr. blah
missyyounow: haha
missyyounow: it was bulletin
missyyounow: it was silly
missyyounow: i like the heels on those shoes
missyyounow: (we will ignore the price)
ozz6979: lol
missyyounow: they would be awesome to dance in
missyyounow: !!!
ozz6979: i’ll take ur word for it
missyyounow: http://www.raffaello-network.com/raffties/detail.php?itemid=75016&rangeid=803
missyyounow: need new snow boots too
missyyounow: what do u think
missyyounow: ???
missyyounow: hiking boots
missyyounow: hehe
ozz6979: lol
missyyounow: paul (home depot) was reminding me how i was insistent that I could carry the bag of concrete out of the store. he made fun of my outfit and that i guess i allowed him to only carry the trowl
missyyounow: hehe
missyyounow: i made a sidewalk!
missyyounow: i’m that good!
ozz6979: i know that to
missyyounow: i’m boring u
missyyounow: talk to me aslan
missyyounow: or not
ozz6979: bout what?
missyyounow: i’m a pain
missyyounow: sry
missyyounow: haha
ozz6979: trust me i’m laughing to
ozz6979: your probably biting your lip wondering what i know or don’t
missyyounow: how did u know?
ozz6979: saying shit to yourself
missyyounow: i bite my lip?
missyyounow: haha
ozz6979: lol
ozz6979: the wonderful wizard of ozz
missyyounow: it doesnt upset u?
ozz6979: i know all things melissa
missyyounow: i remember so many wonderful things aslan
missyyounow: i do
missyyounow: u i remember best
missyyounow: so many things
missyyounow: cooking
missyyounow: and
missyyounow: pirates pizza
missyyounow: just lots of what i remember
missyyounow: i keep here
missyyounow: in my head and heart
missyyounow: it will only make u feel bad
missyyounow: and i wouldnt do that for the world
missyyounow: i dont remember some passwords
ozz6979: bad why?
ozz6979: for what?
missyyounow: i went to two different bank accounts
missyyounow: they dont exist
ozz6979: babe all your money is gone
ozz6979: taken by the state
missyyounow: eric explained
missyyounow: i have $2500 in one bank
missyyounow: and $6100 in another
missyyounow: it’s not all gone
ozz6979: there was alot more
missyyounow: i know
missyyounow: but
missyyounow: eric said i was down to under $2500
missyyounow: not true
missyyounow: i moved investments around in the bigger account
missyyounow: it works
missyyounow: e-trade
ozz6979: they probably didn’t know about it
missyyounow: haha
missyyounow: that’d be funny
ozz6979: seriously they were saposed to only leave 3500
missyyounow: we will not mention it again. if i think they’re snooping…i’ll switch it into ur name
missyyounow: i trust u
missyyounow: completely
ozz6979: whatever u need
missyyounow: u to still be in my life
missyyounow: that is all i need
missyyounow: and u did that
ozz6979: i am still
missyyounow: so i am fine
missyyounow: and u said family
missyyounow: i like that
missyyounow: i’m not sure u know how much that means to me
missyyounow: (i’m not sure i know how much that means to me)
missyyounow: trust me
missyyounow: u have never given another person a better gift!!
missyyounow: SMILES
missyyounow: so adam got a new car
missyyounow: how is it?
missyyounow: new used right?
missyyounow: b/c we dont do new new
missyyounow: hehe
ozz6979: not yet
ozz6979: he is to cheep to fork up some money
missyyounow: smiles
missyyounow: i like adam
missyyounow: be kind
missyyounow: he and i were friends first on here
missyyounow: i looked
missyyounow: well…
missyyounow: not HERE
missyyounow: i dont hand out my sn to just anyone
missyyounow: i remember that adam is the first guy i told i was in the hospital to though
missyyounow: he didnt run away…
missyyounow: smiles
ozz6979: smiles
missyyounow: u r more playful though
missyyounow: i like playful!!!
missyyounow: so how was ur day?
missyyounow: do u have boys this weekend?
ozz6979: it was ok
missyyounow: did u take boys to see santa?
missyyounow: just ok?
missyyounow: i’m sry
ozz6979: kinda boring driving around looking for cars
missyyounow: what can i do?
missyyounow: i’ve got this really stupid ass smile going b/c i’m talking to u
missyyounow: does that help?
ozz6979: lol
ozz6979: yeah
missyyounow: and i giggle lots
missyyounow: u can actually hear it
missyyounow: its funny
missyyounow: b/c i sit in silence mostly
missyyounow: but u get on
ozz6979: lol
missyyounow: and i have sound
missyyounow: hehe
missyyounow: i am eating tiny oranges
missyyounow: mandarin
missyyounow: oranges
missyyounow: like the 15th meal today
missyyounow: hehe
ozz6979: thats good
missyyounow: i’m ok aslan
missyyounow: please stop worrying
missyyounow: dave had no right to worry u
missyyounow: he is so gloomy sometimes
missyyounow: he needs to get laid
missyyounow: ok
missyyounow: i’ve lost u
missyyounow: again
missyyounow: hmmmm
ozz6979: no
missyyounow: whatcha doing?
ozz6979: babe just don’t talk to them
missyyounow: well myka didnt like that i didnt remember him
missyyounow: he was gonna send me a pic
missyyounow: but i didnt respond
missyyounow: u say
missyyounow: i do
missyyounow: i trust u completely
ozz6979: ok good
missyyounow: anything aslan
missyyounow: i do
missyyounow: i know i do
missyyounow: trust u always
missyyounow: smiles
missyyounow: it is a nice feeling
missyyounow: but please dont worry
missyyounow: i dont remember
missyyounow: u said the other day
missyyounow: that might be a good thing
missyyounow: can we leave it there
missyyounow: u think it is a good thing
missyyounow: we leave
ozz6979: yep we cAN
missyyounow: ooo
ozz6979: oops
missyyounow: excitable pinkie
missyyounow: hehe
missyyounow: so i’m thinking
missyyounow: http://www.raffaello-network.com/raffties/detail.php?itemid=67878&rangeid=803
missyyounow: they’d improve the current outfit
ozz6979: smiles there prettty
missyyounow: i need to paint my toe nails
missyyounow: they havent let me in a while
missyyounow: but
missyyounow: really
missyyounow: it will make things much more festive
missyyounow: i’ve been cutting snowflakes out of my dinner napkins
missyyounow: did u see my survey thingy?
missyyounow: it was funny
ozz6979: not yet
missyyounow: did u take the boys to santa?
ozz6979: no
missyyounow: pfft
missyyounow: ur busy
ozz6979: pfft yourself
missyyounow: i’m gonna look at mens underwear
missyyounow: lol
ozz6979: figures
missyyounow: mannequin porn
ozz6979: i know how u are about bumps and bulges
missyyounow: bumps and bulges
missyyounow: hahaha
ozz6979: naughty girl
ozz6979: lol
missyyounow: the armani models are like ken dolls
missyyounow: where’d they put it!!!
ozz6979: castrated ken dol
missyyounow: http://www.raffaello-network.com/raffties/detail.php?itemid=71975&rangeid=396
missyyounow: where???
missyyounow: haha
ozz6979: geez
missyyounow: http://www.raffaello-network.com/raffties/detail.php?itemid=72023&rangeid=396
missyyounow: and this x-mas season ….for the guy who has lil
missyyounow: hehe
missyyounow: please
missyyounow: periscope up…
ozz6979: nah thats a girl
missyyounow: baby…i am in MEN’s
ozz6979: shaved legs= girl
missyyounow: http://www.raffaello-network.com/raffties/list_products.php?rangeid=637&prodrange=Versace%20Womens%20Underwear
missyyounow: this is women’s
missyyounow: BORING women’s
ozz6979: kinda boring
ozz6979: lol
missyyounow: lil too much cloth
missyyounow: who can wear that stuff???
ozz6979: idk
ozz6979: boring women
missyyounow: http://www.raffaello-network.com/raffties/list_products.php?rangeid=637&prodrange=Versace%20Womens%20Underwear
missyyounow: eeek
ozz6979: not looking
missyyounow: http://www.raffaello-network.com/raffties/list_products.php?rangeid=637&prodrange=Versace%20Womens%20Underwear
missyyounow: much better
missyyounow: purple
missyyounow: u have always wanted purple scaled underwear
ozz6979: what are u doing here?
ozz6979: your a vs girl?
missyyounow: vs?
missyyounow: they shaved
ozz6979: victoria secrets
missyyounow: eeek
missyyounow: i’m not looking at girls
missyyounow: pfft
ozz6979: lol
missyyounow: purple scales!!!
missyyounow: oh my!
missyyounow: looking further down the page
missyyounow: hehe
missyyounow: i just cant imagine a guy in peach and purple by choice
missyyounow: haha
missyyounow: laundry accident
missyyounow: or bad christmas present from gf…perhaps
missyyounow: i lost u again
missyyounow: i’m gonna move on to play girl next
ozz6979: nah looking for a new shirt
missyyounow: why do all the models shave their luscious trail of hair
missyyounow: have u know clue…next to bumps and bulges
missyyounow: it is HOTT
missyyounow: ????
ozz6979: idk
missyyounow: all these models have been shaved
missyyounow: legs
missyyounow: bellies
missyyounow: if i peek under the hood that’d be shaved too
missyyounow: yuck!
ozz6979: lol
missyyounow: http://www.raffaello-network.com/raffties/detail.php?itemid=62915&rangeid=113
missyyounow: ooo
missyyounow: pretty shoes
missyyounow: http://www.raffaello-network.com/raffties/detail.php?itemid=16414&rangeid=113
missyyounow: oooo
missyyounow: i could wear stocking with those
missyyounow: stockings
missyyounow: fmps
missyyounow: and hospital gown!
missyyounow: woot
missyyounow: festive!!
missyyounow: what kind of shirt u looking for?
ozz6979: idk just looking
ozz6979: http://www.bananarepublic.com/browse/product.do?cid=28663&pid=416551&scid=416551012
ozz6979: i got this one last week
missyyounow: mmm
missyyounow: cozy warm
ozz6979: lol
missyyounow: only gray?
ozz6979: ?
missyyounow: it only comes in gray?
ozz6979: yea
ozz6979: http://www.bananarepublic.com/browse/product.do?cid=28661&pid=433795&scid=433795042
ozz6979: i like this one
missyyounow: i like u in brown
missyyounow: ur eyes
missyyounow: are awesome
missyyounow: or blue
missyyounow: wow
missyyounow: they turn this wild color when u where blue
missyyounow: i remember
missyyounow: i do aslan
missyyounow: is that ok to say?
ozz6979: lol
ozz6979: thats fine
missyyounow: smiles
missyyounow: u always pointed out when they were really deep green
missyyounow: but
missyyounow: there were times
missyyounow: when they were this amazing and indescribable color
missyyounow: very warm
missyyounow: they pull u in
missyyounow: looked through pics
missyyounow: and noticed
ozz6979: http://www.bananarepublic.com/browse/product.do?cid=22204&pid=367407&scid=367407012
missyyounow: sorry
ozz6979: i want a pair of theses to
ozz6979: these*
missyyounow: i like when ur pants are quite so… bagged
missyyounow: smiles
missyyounow: sry
missyyounow: it may just be this model
missyyounow: hahaha
ozz6979: lol
missyyounow: not tight
missyyounow: but ur tush is soooo darn cute
missyyounow: not tight so as u sing soprano
missyyounow: hehe
missyyounow: smiles
ozz6979: i know what u mean
missyyounow: see
missyyounow: u like ur ass too
missyyounow: hehe
ozz6979: not that concited
ozz6979: geez
missyyounow: its ok
missyyounow: u can say it
missyyounow: “i like my ass…it is cute”
missyyounow: hehe
ozz6979: never said it wasn’t
missyyounow: http://www.bananarepublic.com/browse/outfit.do?cid=15812&oid=OUT04945
missyyounow: u wore white
missyyounow: i have a pic of u in white
missyyounow: damn
missyyounow: u were good looking
missyyounow: shit
missyyounow: are
missyyounow: u didnt die
missyyounow: haha
missyyounow: are good looking
missyyounow: hehe
missyyounow: white shirt
missyyounow: i have a pic
missyyounow: and jeans
missyyounow: and sooooooooooo aslan
missyyounow: with a smirk
ozz6979: smiles
missyyounow: do u have the boys this weekend?
ozz6979: yeah
missyyounow: what r they doing?
ozz6979: watching a movie
missyyounow: what movie?
ozz6979: charlie and the chocolatre factory
missyyounow: the original was better
missyyounow: the new one was creepy
missyyounow: so had a crush on johnny depp
missyyounow: but the page boy hair
missyyounow: bleck
missyyounow: creepy man
ozz6979: lol
missyyounow: the nightmares arent real
missyyounow: right aslan?
missyyounow: right?
ozz6979: right
missyyounow: they are only lil bits
missyyounow: i read
missyyounow: and stopped reading when i came to one
missyyounow: there were lots i told u about
missyyounow: but their only nightmares
missyyounow: that’s all
missyyounow: right?
ozz6979: yeah
missyyounow: then
missyyounow: why did u say Paul did this scar
missyyounow: ?
missyyounow: u dont like him
missyyounow: that’s fine
missyyounow: i stay with u
ozz6979: we said we were going to leave it alone remember
missyyounow: do what u say
missyyounow: sry
missyyounow: it gets dark
ozz6979: not sry for me
missyyounow: i dwell on unknown
ozz6979: i will tellu
ozz6979: but u don’t want to know trust me
missyyounow: trust u
missyyounow: smiles
missyyounow: that part is easy
missyyounow: smiles
missyyounow: i close my eyes
missyyounow: i wont be surprised?
missyyounow: b/c i am alone in my life aslan
missyyounow: u know that right?
missyyounow: i told dave no
missyyounow: bah
missyyounow: wonder if youtube has christmas shows
missyyounow: think the numbers on myspace are screwed up
missyyounow: 73 people have looked at my profile?
missyyounow: i highly doubt that
missyyounow: smiles
missyyounow: my 12 lines to your 1
missyyounow: hehe
ozz6979: lol
missyyounow: its okay aslan
ozz6979: u know that is how it is
missyyounow: its okay aslan
ozz6979: makes u a good sister
ozz6979: u keep yapping i keep nodding my head
missyyounow: nah
ozz6979: lol
missyyounow: but its ok
missyyounow: i dont talk to paul
missyyounow: i dont talk to myka
missyyounow: i make snowflakes
missyyounow: and look back
missyyounow: when i guess i was offered the world
missyyounow: but didnt take it
ozz6979: http://www.bananarepublic.com/browse/outfit.do?cid=24805&oid=OUT05804
ozz6979: that one looks like ur stylr i think
ozz6979: style
ozz6979: ok
ozz6979: lol
ozz6979: or not
missyyounow: my skirts were usually shorter
missyyounow: i am short
ozz6979: it was from pettite section
missyyounow: http://www.promgirl.com/shop/dresses/viewitem-KT187971
missyyounow: that is my typical hem-line
missyyounow: u really never did see me
ozz6979: lol
missyyounow: -(
ozz6979: u knew that already
ozz6979: i told u
missyyounow: am i allowed to talk to anyone who knew me…when i was?
missyyounow: that was stupid
missyyounow: sry
missyyounow: did u lose power last night?
missyyounow: i was on until like 9 something
ozz6979: Your IM has been sent to my mobile device. When I receive it, I will be able to reply. Thanks for your IM! Want your IMs forwarded to your phone? Click here
missyyounow: sry
missyyounow: u didnt say good bye
missyyounow: i did something wrong again! damn!
8:58 PM
ozz6979: hello again
ozz6979: sry i had to feed and put the kids to bed
missyyounow: smiles
ozz6979: no i didn’t ose power
ozz6979: lose*
missyyounow: it flickered here
ozz6979: lol
ozz6979: that stinks
ozz6979: it was very windy
missyyounow: i k
missyyounow: i couldnt sleep veyr well
ozz6979: i’m sry
ozz6979: are all those pics on ur page from me?
missyyounow: all of them
missyyounow: they r beautiful
missyyounow: there were more
missyyounow: i could have
ozz6979: i recognize most of them
missyyounow: all of them from u
ozz6979: lol
ozz6979: i sent so many
ozz6979: some i didn’t recognize
missyyounow: i wanted to put up the chickens
ozz6979: lol
missyyounow: it is smaller than the rest
missyyounow: so many more
missyyounow: they are all urs
missyyounow: from u
missyyounow: i guess i thought
missyyounow: i was the only one u sent pics to
missyyounow: it was a stupid thought
missyyounow: i felt special b/c of that
ozz6979: u are
missyyounow: its ok
missyyounow: knowing the truth
missyyounow: its ok
missyyounow: now
missyyounow: she’s lovely btw
missyyounow: not that u need to hear it from me
ozz6979: the pics are diff
missyyounow: she is lovely
ozz6979: she took the one she sent me
ozz6979: i took the one i sent u
missyyounow: rainbows are good luck aslan
missyyounow: smiles
missyyounow: i’m glad u saw it together
ozz6979: we were driving together
missyyounow: shhhh
missyyounow: i’m fine baby
missyyounow: really
missyyounow: u owe me nothing
ozz6979: i know
missyyounow: never did
ozz6979: i feel like u are ok
missyyounow: i wanna feel like this isnt a strain on u
missyyounow: that is what i would like to feel
ozz6979: what strain
ozz6979: looking at the pics trying to figure when i took some of them
ozz6979: most i know
missyyounow: flowers were lilac festival
missyyounow: mikey was acting up
ozz6979: i remember the flowers
ozz6979: the lake shots
missyyounow: the fair
ozz6979: the tree shot was a funny one to remember
missyyounow: u were driving home
missyyounow: we were on a picnic
ozz6979: yea
missyyounow: your mendon job
ozz6979: u thought i had a grumpy face
missyyounow: you set up a picnic under a tree
missyyounow: and showed me
missyyounow: if you were laying your head on my lap
missyyounow: what u would see
ozz6979: i took a pic of the sunlight coming through the trees
missyyounow: yeah
missyyounow: and my flowers
missyyounow: always sending me flowers
missyyounow: yellow sunflower in your hand
missyyounow: i couldnt put that one in
missyyounow: your hand is there
missyyounow: these
missyyounow: if anyone saw on accident
missyyounow: these are just pic
ozz6979: yeah
ozz6979: the beech shot i remember now
ozz6979: took me a little bit
missyyounow: main st. canandaigua
missyyounow: u had one of my lake too
missyyounow: but it had u in it
missyyounow: i couldnt put it in
missyyounow: i love that lake
ozz6979: i know
missyyounow: i know
ozz6979: i was fishing that day
missyyounow: i repeat
missyyounow: i have one of boys on a dock
missyyounow: i didnt put in
missyyounow: and 4 of u and zach
ozz6979: that was mendon ponds
missyyounow: god u r such a good father
missyyounow: but those pics
missyyounow: u and he
missyyounow: my fav.
missyyounow: my absolute fav.
missyyounow: u shared him with me
missyyounow: thank u
ozz6979: he liked talking with u
missyyounow: past tense
missyyounow: i know
ozz6979: only person i have introduced to him
missyyounow: not really
missyyounow: its just here
missyyounow: he will like her too
missyyounow: very much
ozz6979: lol
missyyounow: she is real
missyyounow: i miss him
missyyounow: is that ok?
ozz6979: he asked today if i was talking to u on the phone
ozz6979: (it was her)
missyyounow: i know
ozz6979: lool
missyyounow: b/c u dont talk to me on the phone
missyyounow: i should have
missyyounow: when i had erics phone
missyyounow: just to hear u
missyyounow: i couldnt say anything
ozz6979: nah it’s ok
ozz6979: u promised him
missyyounow: promised who?
ozz6979: promissed eric u wouldn’t
ozz6979: he didn’t want his # out there
ozz6979: i understand it’s ok
missyyounow: not going back to hurt u aslan
missyyounow: there is so much i dont understand
missyyounow: why i cant talk to people
missyyounow: why i remember u and not eric
missyyounow: why i remember the littlest details about u
missyyounow: eric was my dr.
missyyounow: i dont remember his last name
ozz6979: he was your dr for a month
ozz6979: but was also a good friend to u
missyyounow: he says he’s gonna take me dancing
ozz6979: i don’t doubt it
missyyounow: smiles
ozz6979: if u give him the chance
ozz6979: hun i’m going downstairs
ozz6979: i’ll talk to u later
missyyounow: tomorrow late?
ozz6979: sweet dreams
missyyounow: or monday later?
ozz6979: