not his fault…not his fault

7 12 2008

the threats, actions, phone calls and messages have nothing to do with him. he did not cause them. he did not make them. he cannot stop them.

they are about him only…because of him only… in that he is the reasons why they are made, but he has no control over them. he is not responsible for them. he never did…he never will. he is removed from them and does not need to even hear about them…ever!

her actions are her own. it is between me and her (and her friends).

he has no say in them. there is nothing he can do about them… ever…they are not his fault…not his fault.


i am alone with it. (he can not/will not fight my battles for me any more than i can fight to keep him to myself….it simply must be only what it is.)


i have no right ascribing any feelings to his kindness. everything i have perceived is merely imagined. my fantasy. nothing real…nothing is intended (except for her and her endless calls and messages and threats) not his fault…not his fault.

 (and what Paul did was never Dave’s fault…not his fault, i never could blame either of them for the actions of others. just is what it is…as with mom, dad, Alex and Alyssa…it was my fault alone…only me and nothing more…)

i am alone…hopelessly broken and alone!!!


remember that…meaningless things and stuff that hurt only me and Lilly.