smiles and kisses at 1:15 AM

23 11 2008

it is silent at the moment

no fussing or coughing

no cars or ghostly headlights tracing across the front wall

just me…holding her…warm and sweet and dreaming

hushed hours passing unnoticed by all

except me

and the tiny glowing embered remains of the fire

and the candle flame that dances at the window

always waiting

(and hopeful)

alone in my quiet nightwatch

i can still faintly hear

the most comforting sounds of you

falling asleep

and i smile

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a light in the window

9 11 2008

fall weather is so fickle. one moment bright sun and apple picking, the next gray with cold dampness and rain unsuitable for anything but snuggling under blankets and reading. soon it will be time to revisit my front parlor (hardly a living room, as it sits empty and abandoned most of the year) and rediscover my 1st floor fireplace.

with any luck i will keep the fuel bill at bay!

our squirrel in the back continues to stockpile. much to Lilly’s joy, he is out there, on our patio, daily scrounging. i, at times, envy his fur coat! i think i will take his lead and stockpile some soup for the days ahead.

this post is most decidedly scattered…scattered and distracted…and in need of an organized list. (ooo…you hear that? a list!) part of the problem is that i can only half-attend to the computer.

Lilly is on the quilts on the floor, surrounded by a sea of books. Aslan reminds me to talk to her…it’s unnecessary advice, but it makes me smile nonetheless. (Aslan…she turns her head when you call out her name, she waves when asked…and sometimes independently, she hums, and turns the pages of each of her books, “talking” out loud as if she were reading the words on each one…smiles!!)

beside me on the stove i am cooking hot cocoa. i plan on giving Lilly her first tastes of chocolate once it has heated…then cooled to an appropriate temperature for her. 

i experimented with gingerbread yesterday as the chill set in and have a good portion remaining on my counter. i made two whipped toppings…one regular and one with rum (perhaps fortifying myself for work last night…lol)

cocoa and gingerbread aside…i had a very unexpectedly delicious start to my weekend. i am still smiling as the after effects are dancing about in my brain. i find myself replaying bits and trying to understand if i missed a meaning. all was spilled so quickly on so many topics…and how on earth can you tell with IM…if someone is responding to the last comment or a comment two before???

silly language…by whatever means, it is sooooo easily misinterpreted.

nothing gained…nothing promised, but still i am happy for moments that were given to me…

once upon a time, people used to leave a single candle by a front window. that light symbolized and communicated so much more than words could express. it was a symbol of prayer for a loved one sent off to war…a single promise from wife to husband at sea to guide him safely home…a beacon for a weary traveler needing shelter from the storm…

there have been far too many storms in my life… but yesterday, i decided that i was going to once again light the candle in the front window. the first time i lit it in this house was Dec 7, 2007…and for the nights i was actually able to be in this house, i lit the candle (and several replacement candles) every night in hope…until Aug 4, 2008.

i will light the candle once again… it can easily say all the “things and stuff” that i fall far too short, incomplete and undeserving to communicate.

i am here…and you are thought of

smiles and kisses